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NEGRO PLEASE: Knuck If You [Young] Buck

[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice.]

“As far as [Tony] Yayo talking about he wanna fight, I’ll do it… I’ll do it off of real nigga shit I swear on my child’s life. If they line this shit up, where me and that nigga can go in a ring, we can put that shit on VH1. We can make that shit real life. I’ll have Floyd Mayweather training me. I’ll knock that nigga’s fat, flabby, old non-rappin’ ass out.”Young Buck, UDub News

The Young Buck quote above is clearly not a serious challenge to fight anyone. It’s a full-on reality show pitch.

Buck has seen a couple episodes of that I Love Money and is starting to get ideas. He already sees himself as the next Flavor Flav. Yep, Buck’s got it all figured out. When he says we can make this shit “real life,” I’m pretty sure he means “Celebreality.”

Win or lose, after VH1 Celebreality Bumfight: G-Unit Reject Edition Buck will sign a deal to keep the franchise going. By September, when dude could have nothing to look forward to besides licking both his Yayo and lackluster sales-inflicted wounds, he’ll be set to star in Buck of Love… or Love for a Buck or some shit like that. At the end, he’ll pick Buckeey, and they’ll have another sex tape Buck-themed series.

This is all cornbread, and If Buck really wants to make it happen, he should holler. I’m not sure Young Buck’s credit is good enough to be putting anything on his children’s lives, though. That’s some pretty alarming shit. Someone should call those children, make them aware that their dad is a junkie and is about to gamble their lives away in a circlejerk.

Yes, I’m advocating snitching.

Actually, those kids and their classmates all have internet access. They know.

The other crazy shit Buck did was imply Floyd Mayweather’s participation in his little Celebrity Bumfight ploy. Mayweather ain’t gonna train no damn Young Buck for shit. Buck must have forgot the time when he rejected Captain Jackson’s offer of food and lodging in exchange for services rendered.

The uglier truth is that Floyd Mayweather’s actually retiring from boxing to take Buck’s place in the group. G-Unit is leaking in the street. They’re losing members like Bone Thugs –N- Harmony. All Destiny’s Child needed was that one funny-looking-but-solid replacement to keep the train going.

50’s had some funny looking niggas come through those doors, but he hasn’t had a Michelle.

Hmm… He doesn’t really have a Kelly either when you think about it.

So these niggas are fighting for their… rap honor? I’m lost. I obviously find this all pointless. Who can say how many times a nigga would have to knock Tony Yayo out for his music to be listenable? I’m not sure Joe Jackson could have hot-wire-hangered a strong 16 out of this man.

That’s not to say I can call a winner in this battle of cokeheads past and present. Just because Buck will cry on the phone doesn’t mean he won’t throw the hands. As many have already pointed out, Yayo has spent his share of days lining up for gruel at summer camp. He probably knows a thing or two about the knuckle game himself.

Young Buck’s about the same build as that Rosemond kid, so I guess Yayo might be able to eek this one out.

As far as the callout goes, as is true in the case of Yung Berg, the niggas who go on the radio challenging people to throw the hands generally don’t really want it.

Oh, dude. Don’t start getting lumped with Yung Berg. That’s not a good look.

Negroes, please.

As always, the bottom line here is that all these niggas is clowns. The rap game is a circus. The show gotta come from somewhere. If it ain’t gonna be the rhymes, then niggas might as well step into the coliseum for a turkey sandwich with just tomato favorable record deal potential but unlikely boost in sales.

If all goes well, you might be watching that Flavor of Buck this fall on VH1.

Questions? Comments? Requests? Wanna throw on some gloves and come scrap Ronaldo out?

P.S.: Jose Canseco is a bad influence, children.

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