NEGRO PLEASE: I Guess Rick Ross Wasn’t Lying
[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice]
*gives readers a moment to adjust sarcasm detectors*
So… wait a minute. Rick Ross was a corrections officer and not a cocaine overlord in the 1990s? I must say I’m shocked.
Since when did rappers lie about their pasts?
I didn’t think any nigga could get caught out there worse than Akon and his notorious car theft ring.
Y’all already know if The Smoking Gun says so, it’s gotta be true. Kinda like Newsweek for fraudulent rapster types.
Damn… is there anyone left on the MIA scene not looking a little fugazi right now?
Define irony. Despite incessant insistence otherwise, Rick Ross turns out to actually have been “the boss.” Big Boss Man to be exact.
What’s funny about Trick Daddy Dollars’ initial citation was that I totally believed him from moment one. (He had me at “Thug Holiday.”) I think Trick would remember his corrections officers.—Especially sloppy, doofy-ass COs who thought they were nice and often freestyled to the clank of their “Nigger B. Goode” sticks against the cell bars.
I can see it now. Unable to bear the shame of losing the lunchtime battle to an inmate, Ross totally plants a shank on Trick Daddy and slaps him in the hole.
Actually, it was probably more like some Hustle & Flow shit, as the first time I heard “Ross” coupled with “boss” in stanza was on an old Trick Daddy record.
The fucked up part is that I would never have knocked a man being honest about his 9-to-5 thing. There’s no shame in handling your business on the humble. I write columns. A lot of the shit-popping readers are going to close their sidekicks and get back to pushing a dry mop someplace. It’s really no thang.
The problem is the lying, Ross. A cartel member surely has to understand the importance of one’s word, right?
Conversely, I knew Ross was lying as soon as I saw his denial.
“See…See, that’s the type of shit you can expect from a bitch. Snitching. Whether it’s to the police, or to… me… or to YouTube or them blogs, snitchin is snitchin.”
The statement was very Gangstalicious in affect. After having known the entire world had already seen the picture, Ross needed to do better than that. Nigga then had the nerve to say somebody photoshopped a high school photo onto a CO’s body. That’s both desperate and fucking hilarious. As Jackpot once told me, “Ain’t nobody that nice on photoshop, Rick.”—Or should I say, Officer Roberts?
The funny shit is dude is still denying it all to this very hour.
Officer Roberts is going O.J. with his shit. Ross won’t stop until he finds the real 350-pound nigga in that C.O. Academy graduation flick. You have his word on that.
Ugh. You’d think a trained C.O. would know when it’s time to surrender to the turtles.
Questions? Comments? Requests? Tits? email@example.com
Fake rapsters be warned. TSG will get your ass eventually.
Don’t be the next contestant on that olive-ass screen.