NEGRO PLEASE: Farnsworth Bentley Coons for “Everybody”

[Editor’s Note: “Blogger’s Note” has been taken over by Ron Mexico until further notice]

As soon as XXLMag.com posted Farnsworth Bentley’s “Everybody” video featuring Andre 3000 and Kanye West, a certain editor (whose visage may or may not be at the top of this blog) implored that I go in heavy on the video.

[Hint: His name rhymes with “snarl crackpot berry” and some readers think he’s locked up.]

The truth of the matter is that I actually dig the song and even enjoy the video.

*violent gasp* There. I said it.

I hope you people don’t think that means we can’t still have ourselves a hate party.

Ronaldinho has absolutely nothing against paying playful homage to the Negro of yesteryear. That Five Heartbeats shit they got going is pretty ice cold in some regards. I’d love it without reservation if the rapper/proprietor were damn near anyone but Mr. Bentley Coonsworth and his band of merry owners weirdos.

Both the song and video are about having and maintaining universal appeal. Ironically, nothing pleases the massas masses like some quality coonery. Everybody loves that!

Coonery had universal appeal back in the days of the great Negro Boy Bands. Turn on your television today. In the rare instance you come across a black person, you’re over 80% likely to find some form of coonery attached. The Big C’s universal appeal hasn’t gone a cot-damn place. It’s bothersome as fuck and apparently here to say—like DJ Khaled.

If the Diddies of the world wanna be putting out orange alerts they could start with one addressing coonery being at an all-time high. Don’t hold your breath, though. Diddy doing that would be like a Gremlin setting off the sprinkler system or drawing the curtain at 9AM.

[Blogger’s Note: Puffy is nowhere near as intelligent as the Tony Randall Gremlin.]

Bentley is gonna be the nigga that makes classic coonery cool if we let him. He and Ne-Yo throw on monkey suits, hoof it up and call it being a “gentleman.” I say “He is your slave?”

“You see the way he’s pouring the wine all nice and gentle-like? That’s how we broke him.”

I don’t know what I detest more—the notion of our children aspiring to be career dope boys or career Yassabosses.

“I wanna be a jester when I grow up” is equally painful to hear as “I wanna serve Uncle Day-Day a $20 rock,” or better still—the timeless classic, “May I take your jacket, sir?”

I liked Bentley better when he carried the teacups silently. Oh, you shoulda seen it. He’d carry the whole tea tray back to the kitchen doing the Charleston. I never once heard that porcelain rattle.

This is not to take a single cotton clump away from Fonzie’s talent. Mr. Bojangles could dance his ass off too. The problem is he was still Bojangling. He even got a chicken spot named after him for his efforts.

You know your contribution to society has made a turn for The Big House when you’re honored with a fried chicken franchise.

Bill Robinson did his shuffle back in the 1880s when slavery was still fresh. What’s Bentley’s excuse exactly?

Negro, please.

While he could easily be the new face of Darkie toothpaste, Farnsworth is far from the only coon working. Coonery takes on many forms. But Bentley’s definitely a throwback to the glory days of the Mammy and Sambo. He’s challenging Jangle Leg for the distinction of the coon world’s Jerry West.

For today’s generation, he’s the Jordan logo.

Questions? Comments? Requests? More tea, Mr. Combs? Fiji Water? Fancy some cheesecake? ron@ronmexicocity.com

P.S.: Stop giving Kanye West singing parts! That’ll be just another thing he’ll think he does better than everyone else on earth. In Ye’s World, he’s already the G.O.A.T. rapper, producer, international sex symbol and political activist. Don’t let him think he’s Donny Hathaway too.

She said she wants some Marvin Gaye… some Luther Vandross

  • lil_Tijuana

    P.S.: Stop giving Kanye West singing parts! That’ll be just another thing he’ll think he does better than everyone else on earth. In Ye’s World, he’s already the G.O.A.T. rapper, producer, international sex symbol and political activist. Don’t let him think he’s Donny Hathaway too.

    Co-sign to that! LMAO

    • Deez Nutz

      *lowers head in shame as favorite rapper Andre 3 Stacks agrees to this coonery*

    • moe

      AND DONT FORGET THIS SHOW IS PRODUCED BY MR KING KOOM JAMIE FOXX

  • AZ40

    He’s on the rise in the coon got his own chicken franchise, and a t.v show turning “real” niggas into yassabosses, world but he don’t top Diddy, the ultimate uncle tom, swindler…Once he gets some more national fame.

  • ri067953

    Yo, not only is this fool a coon but he is a homo too. I caught a lil piece of that G’s to Gents shit and that fool look like he was ready to hump those fools on the show.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      yo, what time/network does that shit come on? i been meaning to catch it.

  • Mean Greene

    “I liked Bentley better when he carried the teacups silently. Oh, you shoulda seen it. He’d carry the whole tea tray back to the kitchen doing the Charleston. I never once heard that porcelain rattle.”

    Oh that’s a classic line right there…that’s on some Paul Mooney shit. Kudos sir.

  • DETROIT

    LMAO…what you know bout the charleston? my great grandma used to get her charleston on!

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      come on, my nigga. who grandma-nana wasn’t doin the damn charleston?

      that shit is the toe-wop’s grandparent.

      niggas act like they didn’t “GET CRAZY” back in the 20s and shit.

      • SouthCakC23

        The funny thing is these youngins came up with that “sponge bob dance” when all they did was take a step from the charleston and focus on that bitch for their entire “dance”

        ahahahaha LMFAO at youngins…..”creating” dances that have already been done over 100 years ago and not respecting hip hop to the point that they think fucks like Lil Waste are the best rappers alive….ahahaha.

        Good read Ron…good read.

  • ?

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  • Valdez

    as humorous a blog this is, it is also insightful because there is so much truth to what was said.

    the funny thing is that i never really paid bentley enough attention to notice that u are exactly correct.

    that being said, i’m regretfully sure that bentley will probably be a big hit as far as mainstream success.

    thing is, i don’t associate 3 stacks with coonery at all. but the thing is it’s pretty obviou that dre is pretty fond of bentley being as tho bentley was the only guest appearance on the love below.

    that being said, the song isn’t that bad.
    but hpefully we don’t see too much more from bentley the artist.

  • kelito-vision

    homie…how u going to mention coons and not talk about Plies? i’m sorry any nigga that calls himself a goon is a coon….but yeah Fonzworth is guilty of coonery in the 3rd degree….

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      hahahahaahha

      goon = coon… true.

  • Bang

    Hes not a coon unless hes serving the white man his tea and waiting on him hand and foot, this is just singing. They just singing.

    But they gay as hell

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      there are a LOT of ways to coon without necessarily being the nigger carrying the sugar dish.

  • ri067953

    Yo, don’t know what time it comes on but that show is on MTV. Guess VH1 was stealing too many viewers from MTV so they’ve done their own Charm School type franchise. I guess it doesn’t matter since it’s all cracka-ass-cracka Viacom anyway. Tune to MTV any time of day and it’ll probably be on since they run their new shows on a continous loop.

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      yea. you’re right. the shit’s on right now and later tonight.

      can’t wait.

  • http://XXLMAG.COM INTERNET BULLY

    MUSIC IS MUSIC…BUT THIS IS BULLSHIT THE MODERN HOUSE NIGGER VERSION. IF U LOVE HIP HOP COP DAT NAS… ANYBODY SEEN EReal? HE IS THE HUMAN BUTT PLUG. PROLLY UP IN GORILLAH AKA PORCH MONKEY’S ASS RITE NOW. WHILE THEY GIVE EACH OTHER JOHNSON AND JOHNSON BABY OIL COCK RUB DOWNS. HA HA OKAY PORCH MONKEY AND E-BITCH SAY SOMETHING GOOD THIS TIME… YOU TWO FUDGE PACKERS BE A LITTLE MORE CREATIVE THIS TIME…

    • Dickrider Hater

      Noone cares about your homosexual fantisies with EReal, you dickrider.

      Only thing worse than a dickrider, is a commenter dickrider butthurt cause he got owned.

      Piss Off, retard.

      • http://XXLMAG.COM INTERNET BULLY

        EREAL IS THAT U? I KNOW IT IS… BIGGUPS… U JUST HAD TO PUT DICK IN YA NAME BECAUSE U LIKE THEM IN YA MOUTH SO MUCH… HOMO FANTASIES? HA HA THESE ARE THINGS THAT U TWO LOVING MEN SHARE WITH EACH OTHER, BIGGUPS GORRILAH AKA PORCH MONKEY. IM SORRY FOR PUTTING U TWO OUT THERE LIKE THAT. BUT WHEN YA BITCH OUTTA LINE, U GOTTA CHECK HER. I WASHED YOUR PINK LEOTARD AND LEFT YOU A DOLLAR AND THRITY FIVE CENTS ON THE TABLE NEXT TO YOUR BANANA PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH. CATCH THE BUS TO YOUR CORNER AND GET TO WORK. I WILL BE HOME AROUND SUNDAY… GOING TO THE BEACH TO DO ANIMAL TRICKS WITH YA ORANGATANG MAMA… PUT THE MONEY IN THE CROWN ROYAL BAG BY THE TV… PS IF YA BUTT HURT USE YOU MOUTH MORE, POLYDENT IS SURE TO HOLD THEM IN FOR 24 HOURS…

  • http://MYSPACE/ELBRECHADOR809.COM ?

    FONZWORTH 3 STAKZ N KANYE R STR8 OUTTA COONZVILLE lol!!

    HOTTEST UNSIGNED LATINO RAPPER IN DA GAME? MYSPACE/ELBRECHADOR809.COM 500,000 HITZ W/O A PIC.

  • 239allday

    Nigra please…Ronnie where you learns hows to read and write. If Massa finds out you can read, You gon be in a whole HEAP(emphasis on the HEAP) of trubba(trouble).

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      boy, cap’n boss daughter taught me. sara!

      don’t tell nobody!

      which one you done learnt from? i bet you learnt wit leah!

      awwww, leah.

  • BIGNAT

    that song is okay and the video is funny as hell kanye dances stiff as shit.

  • Lowedwn

    Yo Ron, real talk, can we get some commentary on how the Emmy’s for the fifth and final year shitted all over The Wire?

    • http://www.ronmexicocity.com Ron Mexico

      ugh. we gon have to talk on it.

  • Lowedwn

    Oh yeah, I think the Bentley album might be kinda hot. Sheeeeeeeit, I’m still waiting on video for C.O.L.O.U.R.S. from last year. R.I.P. Pimp C.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com Benicio Del Thoro

    Ronaldinho,

    Great post btw. I agree with you, and just because you don’t carry the tray for white people anymore, you can still be a coon in other ways. I can imagine how the meetings went when Bentley got his deal…I bet before the meeting started, Bentley gave everyone a pedicure, followed by some chamomile or some shit.

    Lowedwn,

    Co-Sign. The Wire should have cleaned up at the emmys. Big up to David Simon and Eddie Burns, two of the best writers in the biz up there with David, Chase, Charles, and Kohan. They just don’t get it. Did Entourage win best comedy? Someone fill me in cause I missed that part of the show. Of course if you’re a male in the us under 25 and you watch the whole show and you’re straight then I have questions for you…

    Chuck-D along with the rest of the hip-hop vets are prly kicking themselves. In todays hip-hop climate, it seems like anyone can get on and as long as you have a co-sign from the right artist, not saying that some didn’t deserve the co-sign, but you know what I mean. Its all ridiculous. Get that Kid Cudi mixtape for free too people. Thank you for your time.

  • Maddolies

    So The Guy Diddy Used 2 Bum Rape Has a Music Deal? Thats Sad When U Think about It. And I Agree Internet Bully. They Are Butt Pirates

  • http://KINCAMELL KIN CAMELL

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  • Tony Grand$

    I hate to say it, but I prefer the antics of “gansta rap” over such a backwards step in black history. Mrs. Fartworth or whatever ya name is, listen close. No h8 here, I’m just sayin….this dude officially put the ‘ger’ in where we have worked so hard to make it a ‘ga’, smell it? Now follow me. From the beginning of human rights, the quintesential blackman has had to endure incredible struggle. Peep the imagery, Denzel Washington in Glory takin that ass whuppin like a fuckin man instead of goin postal like the animal they treated him as. Even in a war where respectin the coloreds was an order. He stuck to his guns til death and died like a fuckin soldier. Rewind or fastforward from that point in history and witness the difficult terrain our race has traversed for good old fashion honor. Fighting tooth and nail to ultimately be counted as 2/3′s of a man. Servin our “massa’s” every whim regardless of humiliation and degradation. If we even spoke of freedom, every humans God-given right, we were subject to death or more embarassing, permanent disfigurement and mutilation only to serve as a human billboard for insubordination. How did a MAN face his family like that. Not to mention the shit that happened that we have no idea about. Now, through sheer conviction and determination, and ‘any means necessary’, we have finally begun to solidify a place of comfort in this world’s society. Basically envoking a self-realized rule of survival that sometimes takes out innocent bystanders and obstacles alike. At one point, it would tick me off to see a female caucasion (fuck politics, a white broad) look funny @ me, or clutch her purse @ the peripheral sight of a black man. Now @ at an older age it kinda gives me a sense of power over her. Or him. We’ve scared the world into a frenzy of “leave them alone, let ‘em do what they want, they’re crazy” syndrome. Last thing we need after all the murders, killings, suicides, activism and all out sacrifice to garner certain respect, is this lame duck shuckin and jivin us back to 1807. Wtf is a manservant? This dudes dad should be stompin mudholes in his ascott. Music is one thing, but there is a movement that appearently he aint aware of. Folks might think of this as ignorant, but we’ve got a certain power that transcends a lot of economical, racial, and political barriers. That comes from the fight in the dog, not the size of it. We’ve been ridiculed to the promised land and back, only to still be here standing strong. Not holdin a mans umbrella or pourin his tea and baking his crumpets. WTF is a crumpet?!? He can make any music he likes, fuck him. But Black people hurdled way too many pitfalls and obstacles in THEIR eyes to have Bootsey Fagswiddle hoppin and skippin us back to the future. This nigga is makin it cool to be a ‘nigger’ with his gentlemanly haberdashery and what-nots. One time this nigga did an interview on the importance of a gentlemans socks. Socks! Negro, please. Get a clue homoboy. Check a bookout ya ass and see that black people don’t give up without a helluva fight. Slow ya role Bosko, bcuz one monkey don’t stop no show. Especially the one gorilla that my dead G-mom can beat up. Stacks and ‘Ye can get away with a lot bcuz we know where they stand. But who the fuck are you, besides a joke ass ‘nigger’ who prolly thought “Good Times” was a documentary. Its 2008, not 1908 u fried chicken ass nephew of Aint Jemima. Tell ya mammy and ya pappy that you’ve been a bad lil monkey and u need a whuppen. Betta them do it than one of us nigga! See ya @ ya next dance recital darkey. Oh yeah, fight the power, save the whales and all that good shit!

    “Clean-up on aisle homo.”

  • giantstepp

    P.S.: Stop giving Kanye West singing parts! That’ll be just another thing he’ll think he does better than everyone else on earth. In Ye’s World, he’s already the G.O.A.T. rapper, producer, international sex symbol and political activist. Don’t let him think he’s Donny Hathaway too.

    LMAO Ron Mex…so true, so true!

  • Jerod

    Awesome.

  • Jerod

    Even though the only thing I got from thit post was “Coonery.” Still; Awesome.

  • Mitch

    Although the dialogue at the beginning of the clip made me a little queasy, I view the “Everything” video as nothing more than a homage to the entertainers of yesteryear. Even though I am definitely a fan of visceral rap, I am puzzled as to how fans of subgenres that show us as our worst can turn around and deride performers who do something different from the norm.

  • profhit3

    I think Fonsworth is trying to impress with his dress. I think his coon image is only a gimmick to get in the business. Besides, what approach would he have taken to do hip hop: he’s not a gangsta, he’s not an ill emcee, plus he started his career as Puffy’s flunky. Albeit … he is “selling his soul” for record sales and if he’s not selling his soul then he must really think of himself as a “male servant”.

  • gutta

    further prooof that slavery still exists, just that we’re not smart enough to figure out that it being done in a different way. appearing as if we are free when we really arent. yes we have been given he oppurtunity to make money but we still are “entertainers” or “court jesters” to these wealthy people. i want someone to tell me that fonzworth bentley is hip hop….and who in there right mind would give this guy a hot beat. the other day i heard a song he did with lil wayne and pimp c.. and to keep it real the song was ok but the beat was serious. and after listening im thinking to myself who is giving this guy beats and why are they giving this guy beats?? he has a someone behind him co-signing that. and its all about money but they say you cant knock the next mans hustle, even if he is Cooning, bojangling , and degrading his way to fame and fortune…

    p.s. – shouts out to the nba and the nfl