A few days after Coach Thomas first approached me about this gig, I hit him back with a load of ideas.
One of them was to spin XXL staples like Eye Candy and Negro Please into daily blogs. I knew just who to get for the latter too, Ronaldo Horacio Mexico (Ron Mexico for short).
Back at SOHH, Ron provided the latest hate on hip-hop videos or TV shows like VH1′s “Flavor Of Love” and “The Wire,” an hilarious piece of work if I can say so myself. I still randomly crack up on the train when thinking of the 2006 Mexican Awards. Here, he’ll be sharing his two cents on Negro Please,” a blog highlighting some of the damndest things rappers say and do. Starting Monday, Ron will contribute to this blog to show you what he’s got. Should the people want more, they will get just that. Now, rather than talk him up, I’ll let him step to the podium and address anything he sees fit. He’s been away for nearly a year now, so I’m sure Talking Videos heads will be glad to see him return. As for those who aren’t familiar with Mexx, get to know him. Without further ado, I introduce you to Ronaldo Horacio Mexico.
*steps up to podium*
Thank you, Mr. Jackpot.
Any of you who know me from my days playing for Big Green know that I’m not into the business of fucking around. Since then I’ve lent my brainpower to a Taco Bell-flavored TV network and the foundation of my very own media franchise/car wash in the Bronx. It’s been a while since I last made fun of a Flavor of Love girl’s weave.
Strangely, I miss that shit sometimes.
While I’ve tinkered around with shitty bl[not plug-worthy]ger.com software and only sprinkled the hate this past year, some of you may have concerns about rust or conditioning. I assure that you shan’t worry. There’s sufficient water in all of your mamas’ dishes. That won’t ever change.
I’ve actually been training like Rocky. I’ve been in L.A. I’m out there running in the mountains… Controlling, manipulating– I got a good life, man.
My ultimate goal here, however, is to bring XXL another championship. There are a lot of great bloggers on this team who I respect highly and look forward to playing alongside. I’m not gonna gas these niggas and yellow niggas up too hard. I’ll just say — I think I’m in a great situation. I don’t know a guy in this league that wouldn’t want to play in XXL’s run-and-gun system.
Right, right. Now can I get on my nigga shit for a moment?
Every time I step in the yard we gon’ be checkin these out-of-order-ass, trick-ass, pawnk bitches, skip-skaps and scallywhops out there that put black people somewhere between the Cocoa Krispies monkey and Amy from Congo.
I apologize once in advance as we’ll likely take a few fruit cups from people who don’t really deserve it along the way. You know… an Eli Porter here, a Barack Obama there.
Nah. Scratch that. Why the fuck did they do what they did when they done it?
I’ll now, as always, open the floor to questions, comments, requests and other jackassery.
Oh, this is going to be fun.