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The Lionel Richie Of This Rap Shit…

Stop playing ‘Carter III’ fans and just admit that this album should have been named the Carter 808. I knew this album was going to be huge since all the kids that run around with their boxer shorts outside of their pants have been bumping ‘Lollipop’ when they roll into the 7-11 parking lot (my day job). The one thing I have learned about record sales and great albums is that the inverse relationship usually applies. The ‘Carter III’ follows this formula. This record might sell 2 million units by the time the summer is over and it still won’t allow Lil’ Wayne to transcend into the pantheon of great rappers.

I pulled the album down from the Napster FREE listening service. Thank goodness too, I saved my hard drive from being wasted. This album was like listening to the future when rap music is played on lite F.M. stations and rap fans are starting to get their social security checks. There are so many R & B songs on this album including joints where Wayne sings the hooks himself. I told you several months ago that Wayne was the greatest rapper tern’t R & B sanger.

I’m disappointed that I am not sitting here eating my words about Weezy’s mediocre rhyme skillset. Wayne isn’t the worst, but he is on the southern side of average. ‘You Ain’t Got Nuthin’ which features Fabolous and Juelz Santana, fellow alums of the school of meh lyricists, is the proof that even with rappers in his generation Wayne is coming in last. ‘Playing With Fire’ was the best song on the album without question. You can hear passion and fire in Wayne’s voice. The song with Babyface in the background is embarrassingly wasted on Wayne. He claims his mom will like it and he is prA’li right. It’s the kind of drivel that only someone’s mother would love like those macaroni pictures kids in kindergarten make.

‘Dr.Carter’? A rap music lounge song? Robert Goulet would have been proud. Rap fans, not so much. I can’t even listen to that ‘Phone Home’ track, and I fucks with spaceship rap on the regulack. The thing that I laugh at on this album is Wayne’s fascination with his own mediocre lyrics as if he just said something profound or even worth repeating. Wayne reminds me of when I used to drop hits of acid and then stare at my hand for six straight hours because I was hypnotized by the pores on my skin.

My favorite line on the ‘Carter III’ is when Wayne calls himself a venereal disease. That was a pretty sick line. The only way anyone is going to top that is if they call themself HPV, or HIV. I’m not really looking forward to that moment. I was looking forward to Lil’ Wayne showing me why he is the greatest rapper alive. This is what people have been waiting years for. I hope this reminds people to continue with their lives and stop listening to rap music so much.

*cues up NaS ‘Nigger’ mixtape*

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