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That G.I. Joe Movie Is Gonna Suck Balls Next Year

Snake Eyes…

All due respect to Billy Sunday (has anyone seen his ass anywhere?), but I didn’t really care when Ghostface got cut from Iron Man.

By the way, some folks told me one of Tone’s videos plays in the background at some point in the movie. I guess that was their way of shouting him out since they cut him. Still, I didn’t care whether Ghost made it or not. My only concern was that director John Favreau pulls Iron Man off (staying true to the Marvel comics) and in my opinion, he did. I remember being skeptical when I first heard Robert Downey Jr. would be playing Tony Starks. He played the hell out of that role.

That’s just one of the criterias, though. Having grown up on comic books and cartoons like Transformers and G.I. Joe, I’m really anal (pause) about the way they’re brought to the big screen. It starts with picking the right actors. Hugh Jackman as Wolverine? Thumbs up! Ben Affleck as Daredevil? Not so much. But once the characters are in place, I look to the story lines and the history to see if the studios aren’t remixing the original too much. I know some of the younger kids on here most likely enjoyed Transformers last year, but while I found it entertaining, I couldn’t get over Megatron being a jet rather than a gun like in the original cartoon. From what I hear, having a robot transform into a gun would have resulted into an NC 17 (does that still exist?) or Rated R movie. You know them studios are trying for PG 13 at the most, so they can make their money. The thing is, the flick had giant scorpions body piercing people to death, guns galore and an explosion or three. Is that not excessively violent already? Another thing that bugs me about these movies is how unnecessarily hip they try to make them. I remember them having Optimus Prime saying, “my bad.” Dude, if he didn’t say it on ABC, I don’t wanna hear it.

Right around the time Transformers came out, I got wind that they were also prepping a G.I. Joe movie for 2009. Yes! My thinking was that the characters, minus Serpentor and Golobulous when they reach that point, would be easy to pull off, so there was no need for changes. Pffftt! I just got my hands on photos of Destro, Cobra Commander‘s No. Dos, and dude doesn’t even have a mask. Like…Why? You gon tell me it’s that hard to pull off?


Here’s what Destro will look like in the movie.

I don’t curse that much, but this is well deserving of some @&*$%@! Like, what the flying 747 fuck is going on? Why no mask? Budget? You mean to tell me the mask is too violent? Too scary for kids? Too hard to recreate? At least Baroness, Destro’s jump off, looks pretty decent. I never got what Diddy sees in Sienna Miller, but I must say she looks quite smashable in this Baroness outfit.

I’m pissed, but then again they messed up the Goblin‘s mask in Spider-Man 1 and the flick was still fire. I got my fingers crossed. What do you guys think? When recreating these flicks, how receptive are you to the changes these big studios make? Granted, some of those series are old, but I’m sure there’s a way to make certain details current without alienating die-hard fans. Yo Joe next summer? I’m concerned, but I’ll take my chances.

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