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NEGRO PLEASE: Weezy The Anti-Drug?

[Blogger’s Note: Ron Mexico has temporarily taken over Blogger’s Note]

“I don’t drink alcohol. I never did like the taste of it… I’mma be the dude in the club drinking the most sweetest drink just ‘cause I care about what it tastes like. I feel you have to be a certain high or on a certain level to not even care what something tastes like and I don’t get to that point. Other than that, music’s my drug… I am the ultimate high… I could just look in the mirror or just cut on one of my songs or anything. I just feel myself. Look at me, you know? Yeah.” – Lil’ Wayne, BET’s Blueprint.

The above quotation is in response to Big Tigger asking Lil’ Weeziana about his “relationship with drugs and alcohol.” Strangely enough, Dr. Carter’s safe negro rhetoric comes long after his said “relationship” with the hot white girl has been put out there worse than Landon [Bobby, jr.] Brown’s.

Come on. We family, right XXL? Everybody here got a cousin or an auntie or a pops on that shit. Dwayne’s been crying out for help on record for years now. Nigga got the interview fodder to match. We gotta call bullshit when he goes on national TV trying to tell us we ain’t seen what we done saw and heard what we done heard.

It’s always the farthest-gone case that’ll try to slap that on that Vaseline, that one cheap-ass suit they got from the African spot, NOT shower, throw on that Mary J. Blige shit and tell you he won’t change his life. His life’s just fine.

Since Wayne’s got some change, he can try to cover it up with a bathing ape and some jewelry. Oh, and tattoos. Lots and lots of tattoos.

Welcome to Weezy’s online intervention.

Should we start before or after he got busted with damn near a quarter-pound of grass, enough MDMA to keep Lindsay Lohan busy for… hours, and half a brick of coke with a mold of his nose just sitting there for border patrol?

They didn’t even have to call them CSI niggas or nothin.

Fine. We’ll start after.

We all remember this one. During a show soon after Weezy was released from the pokey, he berated his team on stage in true Kobe Bryant fashion. He yelled at them niggas like a stage full of Luke Walton.

I’m not saying you’re not supposed to light a fire under your spoon… I mean, weed carriers when they slip. Carmelo did it and hasn’t been caught with a sack of that good, aromatic B.C. shit since. He still keeps La La’s eyes real low, right? I’m just saying you don’t light said fire in the form of a violent cocaine rant in front of 20,000 Sidekick 3s.

Ain’t enough “feeling oneself” in the world to come out and ramble like that.

“A junkie can’t do what I can do.” Ah, yes. I was waiting for this little omen. This is The [I’m] Good Confirmation. Every junkie says this shit at some point. Whether they’re selling hot dogs at The Garden or imploring that we all “lick the rapper,” every junkie transcends to this great moment of invincibility.

If you ask me, Arizona border patrol must have missed the heroin.

Doesn’t he have a song called “Pill Poppin’ Animal?” Have I not heard this man stammer on about the wonders of promethyzine? Oh, that’s right. I saw this natty gremlin’s instructional video on how to make lean. I also remember him after whipping up a batch more perfect than your sister’s Kool-Aid proclaiming, “It’s like a magazine. I’m like a weekly prescriber.” He meant “subscriber,” but you know… He was blazed and on lean.

Even very recently, at the height of when he should be defending his sobriety, Weezy can be seen high as fuck while participating in an advice video-blog segment entitled “Ask Weezy.” He’s abso-fucking-lutely correct in his counsel. You don’t play around with the herp no matter how long it’s been for you… but the nigga is again, clearly roasted.

“Intervention” is an ugly word. Besides, I ain’t here to save a ho. Especially some fully-grown man-ho. In the immortal words of Chad Butler, “I got a thang. You got a thang. Everybody got a thang.” I’m just asking where the fuck does an addict in full-on tumble get it in his mind to go out of his way to tell the people he got urine as clean as a kindergartener’s?

Negro, please.

Don’t insult the average BET-watcher’s intelligence.–Ron Mexico

Questions? Comments? Requests? Should I let you snort a mountain?

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