Note to self: don't marry a white stripper. While it might seem like the best idea evar, especially when you're high, it's probably not gonna end well. And then, if you're famous, you're gonna have to worry about her writing about about your relationship, telling all kinds of bullshit stories about you.

Don't believe me? Ask Mos Def. There's a story in the Toronto Star today about the book written about him by the white stripper he married a few years ago.

If there's an upside to this situation for Mos Def, it's that the book was self-published, and obviously it's not being very well-publicized. I remember reading, on the late, great SOHH, back when it was announced, but that's all that I've heard about it since then.

You'd think that if this shit was on the market, someone would have been read it and excerpted all of the juicy bits for the Internets' collective amusement. Which I took to mean that maybe the book was still hung up in some state of publishing limbo, like the book where Ray J claims he'd banged over 1,900 women by the time he was 26.

But no. Apparently, there's copies of this shit out there in the wild. The broad who wrote the story on it in the Star had to have read it in order to describe it as lacking coherency and being rife with spelling and grammatical errors.

Or could the reason we've yet to hear very much at all re: Alana Wyatt's Breaking the Code of Silence be that there just isn't much to hear? In her interview with the Star, Wyatt claims she doesn't name any of the celebrities she's been with, other than Mos Def, out of respect for their wives and children.

To wit:

"I disagree with putting names of people in there, just out of respect for their wives and children," said Wyatt-Smith in an interview. "If this was about making money, getting rich, I could have wrote a tell-all book, 10 times better than Karrine Steffens."

Which I took to mean that she probably just hasn't had sex with very many famous people. If she did, she could have gotten an actual book deal, complete with an advance and a spell-checker. But just Mos Def and Saukrates wasn't gonna cut, especially with the state Mos' rap career has been in as of late.

Think about it, if she really had any ethical concerns with putting people's business out there in the street, why would she be writing a book about her relationship with Mos Def? It even says right there in the article that Mos has six kids by four different women (Mos = the underground Flava Flav). Imagine how they're gonna feel knowing their father got high and accidentally married a white stripper.

If it's any comfort to Mos' kids, though, I'll note that there's a picture of Alana Wyatt alongside the story in the Star, and she looks like the kind of broad you could get high and accidentally marry.

One thing I did find interesting was the following bit, in which Wyatt describes one of her first public outings with Mos, and suggests that she may have had sex with Kanye West.

“He had asked me if I would attend a MuchMusic performance featuring Kanye West. Now, that was a little awkward because a year prior I had met Kanye in Vegas and we had a moment! NOT SEXUAL! I REPEAT, KANYE WEST and I NEVER have had sexual relations,” she emphasises in the book. She adds: “Much to my surprise, Mos introduced me as his wife.”

I'm assuming that's about as close as the book gets to describing sex with any celebrities other than Mos, and that's why the Star chose to excerpt it. But I'm at a loss for what it actually means. If all she did was, say, walk pass Kanye West in a hallway in a casino, why would she be nervous about being around him with Mos?

Maybe by "not sexual" she meant that she blew him, but they didn't actually fuck. You know how white chicks like to blow mad dudes and claim it doesn't count as sex. Oprah even did a show on it once. It's one of the reasons why I love white chicks. (Any black chicks reading this might want to consider taking notes rather than just complaining.)

Supposedly (and here's something else that's gonna upset Mos' many, many children), Wyatt's relationship with Mos Def ended a mere matter of week's later, when Mos put his shoe on her down in Brazil. The Star doesn't excerpt any actual scenes from the book of Mos disciplining Wyatt, but it does include the folllowing quote from Wyatt, explaining her decision to end her relationship with Mos.

“I don’t believe that his intent was to hurt me, I believe that he was trying to prove a point,” she said. “But I had shared and cried with him many nights about my past (abusive) situation and I asked of him not to do that, because it brings back memories; so I found it to be more disrespectful, because he knew what I had been through.”

The specific language the Star uses is "an argument that got out of hand," and I'm wondering if whatever this incident was isn't similary glossed over in the book. If it is, I wouldn't be surprised if that's because there was no such incident. Maybe Mos just got down to Brazil, saw the number of smokin' hot broads of ethnically indeterminate origin walking around, and thought to himself, "How in the fuck did I end up married to a white stripper from Canada?"

In the interview with the Star, she claims the reason there's no police record of this incident is because she didn't go to the police, because she didn't want to cause any problems and she figured this was an isolated incident. But something tells me this broad was savvy enough to know that, if there was any evidence at all she'd been beaten by a black rapper, she probably could have cleaned his ass out in a divorce settlement. After all, she used to be a stripper. Then she wouldn't have to be writing a book about this shit to try to get some money.