Convert To Judaism…

Bol just reminded me of the five year relationship that undercover racist Jerry Seinfeld had engaged in with this big tittay teenager from New York City named Shoshanna Lonstein. Jerry Seinfeld was 43 at the time and Shoshanna was 16 years old. Kudos to the reader who introduced the term ‘hebephile’. Seinfeld is definitely a hebephile and it has nothing to do with the fact he is hebrew as well. The roots of those words are separate.

In Hebrew customs it isn’t unusual for a woman to be married at the age of 16. We consider that abnormal over here in the states because we don’t want teenagers having babies. We want teenagers working in McDonald’s or at the grocery store and getting ready to go to college where they can force their parent to take out loans that increase their debt load. Back in the days when shit was all about farming we let the 16yr old girls get pregnant because we needed more help on the farm, but when is the last time that any of you have grown your own food? That is what Mexxos are for (no tomato recall).

If R.Kelly wanted to fast track his trial he should claim that he has slowly been converting himself to Judaism. It’s either that or Mormonism and frankly, the Mormons stay losing because they have the ridiculon hairstyles. Not that R. Kelly couldn’t fit in with the Mormons, but the Jews stay on top [ll]. Name a religion with more wealthy people per capita? Okay, the Scientologists are known for getting paper too, but the Jews get their paper up without the weirdo cult aspect. Even the Hasids are more normal than Tom Cruise and his fake wife, who faked running in the NYC Marathon just to secure a movie role.

There’s a lot of cool shit you get to enjoy when you convert to Judaism. There are a few things that Kellz will have to give up though. No more scrimps. And no more peeing on bitches. I’m fairly confident that Jerry didn’t urinate on Shoshanna either since he seems to be very particular in his hygiene rituals. Peeing and defecating on chicks is as wrong as the day is long. Even when its consensual. Just because it is consensual doesn’t make shit sensual. 2girls1cup was just plain nasty. Although if you check website meters like the folks at OhWord do you would know that the 2girls1cup video link is what vaulted SOHH over allhiphop.com in just a few months. True story.

All I’m saying is that if R. Kelly wants to get back into the studio and record ‘Step In The Name Of Love’ pt.8 with the Isley Brothers on the hook and Chante Moore in the video then he had better get himself a damn good rabbi. Even better would be a rebbe with a knack for viral video trends.

Is all I’m saying…

  • Rizob

    i thought they got rid of your ignorant ass?! oh well Free R. Kelly! Fire Billy (again…)

  • http://blackrepublican1.blogspot.com Derek Kreindler

    “In Hebrew customs it isn’t unusual for a woman to be married at the age of 16.”

    Where do you get this from? Maybe in very isolated religious communities, where arranged marriages are common, but most mainstream Jews do not partake in anything like that.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    Just to poison the conversation even further…

    Some communities of Jews over in the Middle East are heavily into inbreeding. There’s whole communities over there where most of the kids are all retarded and shit.

    • doekid

      LOL at bol’s coment
      U don’t have to go to the middle east
      alls u gotta do is go to Williamsburg Brooklyn
      also heard men have sex with men for fun
      they only get married so they can shave there heads and have retarded kids
      TRUE STORY

    • Larry Brite

      OWCH

  • http://www.theunderwriters.blogspot.com THE UNDERWRITER

    Ok, I’m scared of what I know I’m going to say…

    I’m way over the correct age to date a 16 year old. But do I recognize that men always used to pick young wifeys to create a family? Yes. Only because my own family, and probably every other black man or woman, is a product of what would be considered statutory rape in today’s society.

    I’m not looking for a date with a 16 year old, and I would turn it down if it came to me. But back when Grand-Ma-Ma was coming of age, Grand-Pa-Pa was recognizing that he’d better select a woman capable of bearing 5-10 kids so that he could build a dynasty. That’s the only reason why we’re here; back then there wasn’t such a big deal placed on the age of your mate, as long as she was developed.

    Whew! Don’t call me Kelly out chea, but recognize history. We’re products of our environments; word to Ice Cube.

  • The Spaniard

    “”There’s whole communities over there where most of the kids are all retarded and shit.”

    Just like America.

    Zing!

  • eLi pOrTeR

    I’m glad to see you didnt lose ur job. I hate to see anybody lose their gig(even a low payin one)… I’m happy for you(no Mr. Furley’s neck-kerchief)

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    Derek,
    What the hell is a “mainstream jew”?

    Are you that stupid, or did you just want to annoy me?

  • Tёma

    Billy im from Israel, Nazareth Elite, which are like the suburbs of Nazareth (im not jewish though), and i cant remember the last time someone jewish, religious or not, getting married at 16. i dont know how its like in America, but i guess that even there its kinda far fetched.. basiclly religious jews get a wife or husband that their parents chose for them and theyre not allowed to have sex until theyre married (they make love through a sheet), which when happenes they have like 10 kids.

  • KQ

    Child marriage is most common in sub-saharan Africa and South Asia, so maybe Kellz should just move to Africa or India.

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    “No more scrimps. And no more peeing on bitches.”

    almost spit my coffee out on my computer billy. nice, simple and really funny line. anyhow, sixteen year old girls are pretty much mentally retarded; truly, their thinking hasn’t fully developed and it is evident after being around one of them for over the span of a two minute conversation that they are still kinda “slow”. a lot of dudes are also retarded, but are in their twenties and thirties so it makes perfect sense that they would want to be with a 16 year old girl. and if they’re not kinda retarded, they are fucking creepy.

    welcome back man.

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    Tёma,
    You are from the elite area of Israel? You might as well say you are from the U.S. or England. Israel is an industrialized nation and those countries use teenagers in a different manner.

    You also said something else very telling. I differentiate Jews from jewish, just like I separate royal blue from aqua blueish.

    In the proper light you can tell that aqua isn’t really isn’t blue at all. It has hints of being blue but it isn’t the real thing.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com the chancellor

    Hey, if there’s grass on the infield….PLAY BALL!

    Aww man I keed I keed!
    Big up to the jews though even tho they merked jesus christ…one hunnid…

  • My Effin’ Opinion

    Well, being that good ole Ron-Ron (Isley, not Artest) is doing 3 years for tax evasion, Kelly and him can record the track in Folsom.

    R. Kelly better watch out for the REAL “Mr. Biggs” once he gets to the big house. They don’t take kindly to tree Jumpers in the pen.

  • P-Matik

    Man, these are some of the wildest comments I have seen in a grip. LOL

  • http://www.ronmexicocity.com ron mexico

    damn, bills. you went there today.

    this whole site is about to be gone in a couple days.

  • Mo Nages

    “just because its consensual doesnt mean its sensual”

    Classic Line

  • Sleepy Wonder

    He’s Back!

  • Maddolies

    Jerry Seinfelds Blacker Than U. Billy Ur a Certified Hater

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    Maddolies,
    You love my dick more than my old lady. That is not hardbody of you. It is def homo.

    Go copp that Wale ‘Mixtape About Nothing’ if you like Seinfeld like that.

    Its free so you should be able to afford that.

  • Maddolies

    Soundz Garbage Like Ur Blog. Ha!

  • http://eazy-duz-it.blogspot.com/ Eazy E

    I love XXL. Click my name. I aint dead.