Convert To Judaism…
Bol just reminded me of the five year relationship that undercover racist Jerry Seinfeld had engaged in with this big tittay teenager from New York City named Shoshanna Lonstein. Jerry Seinfeld was 43 at the time and Shoshanna was 16 years old. Kudos to the reader who introduced the term 'hebephile'. Seinfeld is definitely a hebephile and it has nothing to do with the fact he is hebrew as well. The roots of those words are separate.
In Hebrew customs it isn't unusual for a woman to be married at the age of 16. We consider that abnormal over here in the states because we don't want teenagers having babies. We want teenagers working in McDonald's or at the grocery store and getting ready to go to college where they can force their parent to take out loans that increase their debt load. Back in the days when shit was all about farming we let the 16yr old girls get pregnant because we needed more help on the farm, but when is the last time that any of you have grown your own food? That is what Mexxos are for (no tomato recall).
If R.Kelly wanted to fast track his trial he should claim that he has slowly been converting himself to Judaism. It's either that or Mormonism and frankly, the Mormons stay losing because they have the ridiculon hairstyles. Not that R. Kelly couldn't fit in with the Mormons, but the Jews stay on top [ll]. Name a religion with more wealthy people per capita? Okay, the Scientologists are known for getting paper too, but the Jews get their paper up without the weirdo cult aspect. Even the Hasids are more normal than Tom Cruise and his fake wife, who faked running in the NYC Marathon just to secure a movie role.
There's a lot of cool shit you get to enjoy when you convert to Judaism. There are a few things that Kellz will have to give up though. No more scrimps. And no more peeing on bitches. I'm fairly confident that Jerry didn't urinate on Shoshanna either since he seems to be very particular in his hygiene rituals. Peeing and defecating on chicks is as wrong as the day is long. Even when its consensual. Just because it is consensual doesn't make shit sensual. 2girls1cup was just plain nasty. Although if you check website meters like the folks at OhWord do you would know that the 2girls1cup video link is what vaulted SOHH over allhiphop.com in just a few months. True story.
All I'm saying is that if R. Kelly wants to get back into the studio and record 'Step In The Name Of Love' pt.8 with the Isley Brothers on the hook and Chante Moore in the video then he had better get himself a damn good rabbi. Even better would be a rebbe with a knack for viral video trends.
Is all I'm saying...