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We got to do better

So yesterday, my little brother and I went over to my parents’ house for Mother’s Day. We had some of those incredible steaks they sell at Whole Foods and some Bud Light (fuck the haters). It was a pretty good time.

I can’t remember how, but we got to talking about Pimp C, and I was like, “It’s too bad he’s no longer with us.” My mom, who must not have heard back when it happened, was like, “Pimp C is dead?” She seemed genuinely surprised and, dare I say it, saddened.

My mom has been reading my shit since day one, but she’s not the most tech savvy person in the world (my bad, mom), and as an old-ass woman, she’s got better things to do than be sitting around on the Internets all day.

So she must have missed this post.

I explained to her that he used to drink sizzurp, and it, combined with his sleep apnea, caused him to stop breathing while he was asleep, and he ended up dying.

My mom thought I might have been talking about Robitussin, but I explained to her that it was a certain kind of prescription cough syrup that contained some shit called codeine and promethazine, which is generally mixed with shit like Sprite and Jolly Ranchers.

She was like, “Oh yeah, I think I might have some of that in the cabinet.” She said a doctor had prescribed it to her a few years when she was having some bad sinus issues. She said she tried it, but she couldn’t take it, because it was too gross.

I told her if she could find it, I would take it off of her hands, so I could use it in a post, in which I would try sizzurp and report what it was like. She looked, but she couldn’t find it. She said she had probably thrown it out the last time she cleaned out the cabinets.


It got me to thinking though: Why is it that these rappers, who have so much money and could probably spend their free time doing anything they want, end up doing stupid shit like developing an addiction to prescription cough syrup?

Take for example DMX. This weekend, I see he got arrested for what had to be at least the second time in the span of a one-week period. I know earlier last week, he’d gotten arrested for driving ridonkulously fast and not having a legit driver’s license, i.e. his favorite pastime. And then I see he got arrested again the other day, for cruelty to animals and drug possession, i.e. his two other favorite things to do.

Now, it’s the rare occasion when more than a few months go by without DMX getting caught with some crack or doing something insane in a car. And usually, he manages to get away with just a slap on the wrist, as if he was Busta Rhymes. But I’m wondering if, with this latest series of arrests, DMX’s luck hasn’t run out on him. And I say that for a few reasons.

First of all, there’s that mugshot of him, taken after his most recent arrest. DMX always did kinda look like he was on crack (I wonder why that is…), but I’ve never seen him look quite this fucked up. Take a look at his eyes in the shot that ran along with the MTV story about the second arrest. He looks like he’s pretty much gone.

Then there’s the fact that he killed all of those dogs. Something tells me that DMX could’ve gone on the rest of his life, i.e. at least two more years, smoking himself silly and pretending as if he was an FBI agent and what have you, but he probably tripped fucking around with those pit bulls. If Michael Vick got hard time for what he did, what’s there to suggest that a washed up DMX won’t get buried under the jail?

If he does, the worst thing about it will be the fact that, despite his obviously prodigious crack habit, DMX almost certainly could have afforded to breed pit bulls the right way, if that’s what he wanted to do.

Why in the world someone with that kind of money would want to play with dogs – or drink prescription cough syrup, for that matter – is beyond me. But you guys know I’m not the most understanding person in the world. And I’ve definitely had my share of issues with dogs. What do you fruits think? These rappers need to find themselves some better hobbies, right? Speak on it.

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