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Time to play, “Who’s the Fudge?”

A couple of weeks ago, this writer from an important magazine in Canada (er, important to people in Canada) interviewed me for this story he was writing about that book, Hiding in Hip-Hop, in which some DL industry cat pulls a Superhead and describes his various trysts with well-known athletes and entertainers.

He was asking me shit like, what effect I thought this book might have on the level of supposed homophobia in hip-hop, and which rappers I thought might be named. I told him I figured at least one of them would be Pastor Ma$e. (My bad, Pastor Ma$e.)

During the course of the interview, he mentioned that the publisher was being extra tight with review copies of the book (as the late, great Sickamore would say, ayo!), because they didn’t want any of the secrets to get out. He said copies were only gonna go out on a certain date just prior to the book’s release, and I’m thinking that might actually be today.

I’m probably not gonna be getting one anyone, since one of the entertainment industry’s main strategies in order to neutralize a brother such as myself is to never send me anything, other than maybe the occasional CD by a white rap group like 7L & Esoteric (which is my shit, btw), lest I end up saying something negative about somebody.

It’s a good thing I’m as resourceful as I am; otherwise, I’d probably never get anything done.

Something tells me SOHH Gyant’s got a copy, so maybe I’ll try to holler at him and see what I can’t find out. Nullus! Only thing is, I know we used to be friends on Facebook back before I wrote that story about whether or not he’s on the DL, but now it looks like he’s gone and deleted me. So our relationship might not be as strong as it once was.

Speaking of which, I was over at SOHH just now, looking for story ideas I could rip off from people, and wouldn’t you know, they’ve actually gone and given this fruit his own blog there. (Note to management, don’t be trying any shit like that here.) It’s called “Confessions of a Down Low Brother,” and each day for the next two weeks, he’s gonna be updating it with tales of his adventures as a DL fruit in the entertainment industry.

For the sake of journalism, I held my nose and went ahead and read the first three entries, just to see if there were any rappers I could recognize. As the Canadian fellow mentioned in our interview, the book doesn’t actually mention any rappers by name, but they’re described well enough that you might be able to figure out who they are.

The first three entries have to do with this trip to a club, in which he meets this football play who he ends up doing the male on male nasty with. I thought it was kinda lame that he didn’t start right in outing these rappers, but he does mention that this guy he went with, who I’m assuming is teh ghey (come on), represents a certain rapper and a certain singer.

The fact that the author decided to single these two out, despite the fact that this guy supposedly represents quite a few other people, suggests to me that they might be teh ghey. Here’s how he describes them in the book, and then my guess as to who they might be.

Well, me and a good friend, “Clever” – he represents many industry people, especially a talented lyrical rapper who is featured on damn near every record currently out, and a balladeer who is the king of songs – Clever and I were chilling up in one of the hottest clubs in this city on a Friday night. It was packed from wall-to-wall. Men and women were grooving and gyrating to the beats filtering through the air.

My guess as to who this might be: Lil’ Wayne and Ne-Yo, obviously. Granted, I would never refer to Lil’ Wayne as a talented lyrical rapper, but I’m sure plenty of people who don’t know from good rap music would. And he is featured on quite a few records these days. And Ne-Yo… I mean, come on. That kid is as teh ghey as a three dollar bill. And he’s probably the top dude in R&B these days, other than Arruh – who’s a lot of things, but teh ghey is not one of them. The only real comparison would be that kid The-Dream, who’s like this year’s version of Ne-Yo. Has anyone heard anything about him being a fruit?

And then the bulk of the remainder of the first three entries has to do with him chasing around and subsequently bufuing this football player he met in the club that night. If you guys have been reading my shit for any amount of time now, you probably already know who I think this is, but I’ll hit you off with the description first.

I was at the bar getting my soda drink on and that’s when I spot him. He was across the room standing against the wall with a drink in his hand. He was bobbing his head to the Hip-Hop beats and surrounded by slew of bodacious women and physically fit men.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was absolutely gorgeous – Tall, caramel, chinky eyes, and a body that wouldn’t stop. Damn, he was fine! I felt the temperature in my body rise. Lust was speaking and its low growl was whispering in my ears.

My guess as to who this might be: You guessed it, none other than Kansas City Chief and male Roc-A-Wear model Elliott Wilson Larry Johnson, who shares an apartment in New York with Jay-Z despite the fact that the two of them could obviously afford places by themseves. How do I know it’s Larry Johnson? Well, to be honest with you, I don’t know jack shit about football, and he’s the only DL football player I know of, let alone one who’s been known to be around a lot of music industry people. But come on. Who else could it be? Don’t let me find out Jay-Z is involved in this shit as well.

And that’s about it as far as the celebrity outings are concerned so far. I’m assuming that’s not gonna be it though, since this blog is supposed to continue for another week and a half, and since I imagine we’re gonna be hearing a lot more about Hiding in Hip-Hop come next week, when it actually hits stores. So who knows, we might end up having to play a couple more rounds of this game before it’s all said and done with.

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