Searching For Eli Porter

Somebody needs to find Eli Porter! The dude’s been an internet phenomenon for weeks and has yet to come out and claim his free personal pan pizza. I mean I would literally buy the man a personal pan pizza. Stuffed crust, even. He deserves every penny of that Tay Zonday Dr. Pepper yetti guap. If Curtis and his people can get the inbred yokel who alterated Suge Knight with an egg or a jar on the phone you would think a more resourceful journalist than myself could get in touch with a young star inna incubation chamber ala Eli. Yo, Porter holler at your boy! Your mans! Your main dodo stain! I probably can’t promise you an interview with The Famous Rap Magazine XXL for reasons yet to be disclosed but we can certainly do it for a less sophisticated website. Maybe we could arrange for an ill collabo with that sass talking fat kid who crashed his grandmas whip?

What do you guys think of Eli Porter? Isn’t he on the internet? Do you watch videos on youtube? Have you ever noticed how sometimes things look like other things? Who wants ice cream? Speak on it.

[Posse On Sardines and Spam T-Minus 5]

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  • Rizzop

    That shit is fucked the fuck up man. You aint right. Sound better than soulja boy though

    • eli porter

      it really is fucked up cause the mah fuckah who did the shit edited the whole so i would look stupid

  • brandonsoderberg

    I first saw Eli here and dude knew about it because he knows somebody that went to Eli’s school. That’s not a bad lead.

    I DEED IT.

  • wow

    You’re genius. More bold. Merzbow is hip-hop. Speak on it.

    • Tray

      You mean Merzbau like Schwitters?

      • Dub Sac

        No, like Merzbow, Japanese noise artist par excellence.

  • CHUN

    The crazy thing about the Eli Porter battle is how he outshined the guy who could actually talk..

    • akaTheRealist

      the dude EnV’s lines weren’t even as hot as Eli’s, and he LOST for even agreeing to battle Eli in the first place.

  • EReal

    Wow, looks like Noz is out of a job huh?

  • AB

    Noz, I’ve been exhausting my efforts looking for Eli (well…um…kind of). I mean, how has he been able to stay so elusive? They eventually found that Reverend X guy a few years back (Got Damn Devil!. So where is Eli? Is this somes sorta hoax? I’ve even looked for the quasi-silly host Marv-O. Even Jeremy “J-Dub” Walker. Nothing.

    What gives?

  • khal

    my watching and following of eli material is borderline unhealthy

  • David Fierman

    I like Eli, he’s the best. He told you that. Y’all dudes be like, yeah, you runnin from the cat.

  • P-Matik

    Eli Porter > a whole grip of them southern rappers that Noz keeps giving props too. I’m not kidding either.

  • DevilintheFlesh

    Maybe we could arrange for an ill collabo with that sass talking fat kid who crashed his grandmas whip?

    LOL….for some reason I don’t think their egos could fit into one room, that little kid is just too gully.

  • DJ Daddy Mack

    He got a mixtape out.

    • noz

      Merzbow does?!

      • DJ Daddy Mack

        I’ll email to you if you want. Email me.

      • DJ Daddy Mack

        I was talking about Eli.

  • TheCo!!inB

    you know that fat kid just beat up his grandma at Wal-Mart behind some chicken wings right? he’s to trill fo’ yall fuck niiiiggaz

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