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Get off R. Kelly’s nuts

No one likes the idea of grown mofos going around raping children. (Well, I don’t.) But I think it’s important to consider, in these statutory rape cases, what actual harm was done, if any.

Take for example these cases where you keep seeing these smoking hot 26 year-old school teachers having sex with 13 year-old boys – sometimes right there in the classroom. As the uber cliche punchline goes, where the fuck were these women when I was 13 years old?

Not to suggest that there’s a lot of grown-ass women walking around these days who are roughly the intellectual equivalent of a 13 year-old boy, because it’s not nice to generalize like that, but let’s just say I’m never really surprised when this happens.

If anything, I’m upset that – as few grown women as there are these days who are worth a shit and aren’t already married – these goddamn middle school kids have gotta go and take some of the ones with the best bodies and the weakest minds, i.e. the two traits I look for most in a woman.

But, as was the case yesterday with Kanye West enjoying his newfound bachelorhood, I can’t be too upset at a young player doing his thing. This just means I’m gonna have to step my game up that much more, and/or find a job that pays real money.

The alternative would be to get all on my moral high horse, as if these women have done anything to these kids other than pay them one hell of a favor. I mean, I could see if these kids were five years old. That would just be wrong. But once a man reaches the age where he’s got a little bit of fuzz on his joint (nullus), he can only hope for some shit like that to happen.

Similarly, I wonder if the R. Kelly trial, which finally actually began recently, shouldn’t be dismissed, on the grounds that the girl in the infamous R. Kelly sex tape (remember when that shit was all over the place?) was obviously only “young” in the chronological sense of the term.

Clearly (not that I’ve seen the tape several times or anything), she’d had her share of experience long before Arruh had even got to her. So it’s not like he showed up to her school in a carpet delivery van talking about how her mom told him to give her a ride how.

For all we know, she might have sought him out.

What’s more, the girl in question doesn’t even give a shit. The prosecution wanted to call her in as a witness, but she wouldn’t even cooperate with them. And word on the street is that she might actually aid the defense – though I’m at a loss for what she might say on the stand that would be of aid.

In most cases like this, if it’s been such a long time, and the alleged victim doesn’t even give a shit, the trial would’ve been over. If Johnny Cochran was still alive today, he would’ve had this shit over and done with last Friday and been down in Arizona trying to get DMX off the hook by now.

But supposedly, the prosecution is counting on some broad who claims she had a three-way with R. Kelly and this broad. She claims there’s a tape of this that she has, and that Arruh once sent one of his goons to try to get it back. If there actually is such a tape, and it’s played in court (is jury selection still going on? I’m just saying), that could definitely be an issue.

Which makes me wonder why this woman is trying to throw R. Kelly under a bus, especially if she’s just as guilty (so to speak) as he is. If it’s wrong to have sex with a girl who isn’t quite 18 (chronologically), does it make it any more right if you go and tell on someone else who did after the fact? Obviously not! If, god forbid, R. Kelly should go to jail for this shit, her ass ought to go to jail, too.

They can put her in a cell with Remy Ma, since we already know how she gets down.

My guess: this is some skeeze that Arruh used to deal with, and now she’s upset that he doesn’t want her anymore, because she got too old for him. So now she’s gonna do even further damage to today’s youth – in wasting time and money that could have been spent going after actual child predators – by trying to throw R. Kelly under a bus.

If there’s a lesson to be learned here, it’s that, if you’re gonna have a three-way with a broad who isn’t quite 18 (chronologically), it’s important to make sure that the other person involved is not gonna snitch on you. And since having the other person involved be a guy would just be gay, you’re probably best off having the other person be another girl who isn’t quite 18. Chronologically.

What do you dreaded n-words think? Does R, Kelly deserve to go to jail for what he did. And does anyone have any strategies for underage three-ways that they’d like to share with us? Also, would anyone like some ice cream? Speak on it.

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