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Watch out for these white chicks

With the turn of the new year, I figured this trend of women sucking people’s dicks and then writing books about it might finally be over.

That book Nas’ baby’s mother put out failed to make her the next Superhead, even though I’m assuming it went into graphic detail about that time Jay-Z banged her on the backseat of Nas’ Bentley and left the rubber on the baby’s car seat. (I might still need to pick that book up.) And even the second book by the real Superhead I don’t think did as well as the first one.

Clearly, I was mistaken. Just yesterday, I read that Mos Def’s ex-wife, a woman named Alana Wyatt, has got a tell-all coming out about her relationship with the rapper.

You’ll recall that this skeez was from Canada, and had been known to be run through by rappers up there, as well as probably any number of dudes who kinda resemble rappers up there. As I recall, she’d already had a baby by Kardinal Offishall by the time Mos Def had gotten with her.

But her main claim to fame at that point was that she was a video ho in Snoop Dogg’s clip for Drop It Like It’s Hot.” And I’m gonna lie, she was fucking smokin’ in that video. I know some dudes at the time claimed to have seen her elsewhere and said she wasn’t all that, but I don’t know. A lot of the broads I like people wouldn’t say looked good anywhere. You know how people live to front on white chicks over the Internets.

Speaking of which, at the time, I wondered if there’d be somewhat of a backlash against Mos, since he was – after all – the dude who did “Brown Skin Lady.” You know how black chicks are about black dudes interracial dating. Or as I like to call it, “upgrading.” How in the fuck is a guy who began his career pandering to black chicks gonna take up with some white town bicycle from Canada?

At the same time, though, it figured it might not be as bad as you’d think. One of our proudest black rappers succumbing to the wiles of some white video ho was a blow to the ego to be sure, but the pandering has got to count for something, right? It’s kind of like how Kanye West has become known as the rapper who feels black women’s pain, even though I’d say his contempt for black women far outstrips my own.

I mean, I don’t even have any contempt for black women. I even find that old stereotype that fat black women have the best personalities to be true – at least to the extent that you can say a woman has a good personality. It’s just that I do possess an aesthetic preference for certain aspects of white women. Chalk it up to a childhood spent around some of the best of the best. (And some of the worst, to be sure.)

Kanye West, on the other hand, clearly fucking hates black women. I know I’ve gone over this before, so I’m not gonna sit here and tick off a list of reasons why I know this is true. But a few examples would include that time he accidentally left his suitcase full of black man on white woman interracial pr0n; the time he called mixed-race black women mutts and said there’d be no rap videos without them; and that video where he makes out with Pam Anderson in front of a group of angry black women.

That shit wasn’t meant to be ironic or anything. I’ve had dreams just like that, so I should know.

In that sense, it was hardly any surprise to me when I read the other day that Kanye was breaking it off with his fiance of a couple of years now, Alexis Phifer. The guy probably thought about all of the smokin’ hot white pussy he’d be missing on this tour, let alone the rest of his life, and was like, “Fuck that shit! I’m about to go get me some of this road head.”

And the reason I know he dropped his fiance for some caucasian stank is because he already had pretty much the best-looking black chick I’ve seen before in my life – and you guys know I don’t like to give Kanye credit for a whole lot. It’s not like with Russell Simmons, where he found a broad when she was young, and she got progressively more Asian-looking and muscular as she got old. If Kanye West was gonna marry any black chick at all, he could only step down from where he was at.

But I digress.

I wasn’t even aware that Mos Def and this Alana Wyatt had called it quits, though I know it had been rumored that their marriage was never really official, because Mos has got a few other wives stashed off in the cut somewhere – with umpteen children among them, supposedly.

Since the shit I guess didn’t work out, I’m sure Mos is wishing he’d never bothered in the first place. As fine as this broad was (to me, at least), I’m sure there were plenty of other broads who were just as attractive – or at least comparable – that Mos could’ve dropped a load on. He probably could’ve satisfied a black man’s innate desire to upgrade without putting his career on the line like that.

And now this slore’s got her own Superhead book coming out. I wonder what she’s gonna have to say about him. My guess, given his behavior the past couple of years (making Bono dis records, getting arrested outside the VMAs, Tru3 Magic), is that he’s gonna come off as crazy as catshit. And lord knows that’s the last thing his career needs at this point.

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