Will Smith can’t adopt a Chinese baby!

If you have the means, a Chinese baby might be an even better investment than Google.

I’m not sure how much it would actually cost to get one from over there and bring it over here, but it can’t be too much. There’s something like a billion people over, so I’m sure they’d be more than happy to lose a few of them. And since so many of them drown their baby girls in a bucket of ice water when they’re born, there’s way more boys than there are girls.

From what I understand, pussy is ridonkulously difficult to come by there (it’s not like here, where even the best pussy you can buy is only like $4,000), and you have to be related to someone that’s high up in the communist scheme to get anywhere in life. So a lot of guys there just sit around in their’s mom’s basement stroking it to Internets pr0n for the rest of their lives.

So getting the baby over here probably wouldn’t involve much other than whatever it costs to take a plane from China to the US, as well as maybe a small blood money payment to the local bureaucrat. But then you’re pretty much in the clear. Lest we forget, I used to work at a K-Mart, so I know how cheap kids clothes are. And since it’s from China anyway, it probably wouldn’t even have an issue eating ramen noodles every day of its life.

At that point it would just be a matter of keeping the kid enrolled in school, so that it could grow up to be a ridonkulously wealthy computer expert; and then you’d never have to work again, since your child would realize that it was you that saved it from a lifetime of weird pr0n and World of Warcraft. I’m not saying that’s why you see so many people adopting Chinese babies these days. (Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s just because it’s so hard to get a white baby, and who wants a black baby?) I’m just saying.

I’d try it myself, but with my luck, I’d end up being the only mofo whose Chinese baby grew up to be a huge fuck-up just like I am. It would probably somehow even manage to not be good at math.

In the case of Will Smith though, I’m not sure why in the world he would want to adopt a Chinese baby. I mean, he’s already got several black (albeit light skinted and hence more adorable) kids of his own, and it’s not like he needs the money. And yet, this is his plan, as he’s been going around telling people.

As far as I’m concerned, Will Smith adopting a Chinese baby is a bad idea for a couple of reasons.

First of all, as many babies as there are in Africa with flies on their faces (I’ve seen the commercials), I’m at a loss for why Will Smith would feel it necessary to adopt a baby from China. As many Chinese as there are in the world, certainly they can afford to pool their resources and take care of their own if they want to. They produce pretty much all of the consumer goods you can buy at Wal-Mart.

One of the things I found so bothersome about the media backlash against celebrities adopting babies from Africa is that there are so many needy babies there. The issue was that the idea of all of these white people going over to Africa suggests that black people aren’t capable of taking care of their own, but here’s my thing: if I’m a baby over there in Africa sitting there with flies on my face, do you think I’m really sweating the ego of some bourgeois jig over here in the States?

Shit, Madonna could come “save” my black ass right now, and I wouldn’t take it as any sort of knock against my mother. She did what she could, now it’s Madonna’s turn. Madonna could get me some new pants and let me live in her basement, which I’m sure is much nicer than my real mom’s basement. She could even hit me off with some stank, though I’m not sure what the legal ramifications are of people having sex with their grown-ass adopted children. We might need to keep the adoption off the books just in case.

Which brings me to the other reason I don’t think it would be a good idea for Will Smith to adopt a Chinese baby – namely, the fact that Will Smith strikes me as one of these black people who starts hanging around with white people and ends up doing all sorts of stupid shit.

I’ve been around white people pretty much my entire life, and I’ve never had that issue. When I was in middle school, cracka-ass crackas would be like, “I’m about to go ride this skateboard.” But I’d be like, “Nah, I’m cool on that.” Then I’d go home and crank some Wu-Tang or some shit. Invariably though, there would be that one black kid who did try to ride a skateboard, and that kid would end up with a hardcore drug problem. If you went to a mostly white high school, you know which black kid I’m talking about.

Will Smith is that black kid. This became obvious to me late last year, when I heard that Tom Cruise had recruited him into the Church of $cientology, and the next thing you know, he was going around talking about how Hitler was a good person, he was just an underachiever. Indeed, I heard the reason he got the idea to adopt a Chinese baby is because he’s been spending a lot of time hanging out with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

If I was him, I would’ve just tried to fuck Angelina Jolie and been done with it. But you guys know I’m sick like that; I see an attractive woman, and the first thing that comes to my mind is sex. It’s no wonder Will Smith is the highest paid actor in Hollywood and I’m just the highest paid blogger for XXL. (Which is to say, perpetually on the verge of living on the street.) Maybe I should adopt a Chinese baby.

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  • Surfer Dude

    He he, yeah I´d like to c u adopt a chinese baby, raising him up in your basement, 2 sarcastic bastards, father and son…
    How little do xxl pay u dude? I want to know if this “I live in my moms basement” is 4 real or just a gimmick of bitter bol???

    will needs to stop kissing all those celebrity ass, trying to fit in, thats just being a tool!


    What the fuck is this fat nigga talking about.

  • Yo! Yo! Yo!

    Nigga if you adopted a baby y’all would be like the father and son on Dont Be A Menace To South Central

  • ATL = All Trannies Live


  • big rob

    done sleep on my nigga woody Allen, he adopted a Chinese baby and married her too. Just goes to show you, there’s something about Chinese babies.

  • stoneyisland

    Bol said ” I mean, he’s already got several black (albeit light skinted and hence more adorable) kids”

    Bol this is by far the funniest shit you have ever written, true or not. If Will Smith (america’s current favorite nigger) does decide to adopt a chinese kid then that’s his and Jadakiss business:)although you do have a point about the starving black kids in africa…..personally I respect Will the Y2K sidney Poitier:) we could use more brothers sending positive messages then say a song about ejaculating on a womans back while she sleeps aka superman dat hoe…………

  • fred

    ahhhhh fucking angelina jolie…not a bad idea there bol!

  • og bobby j

    adopting kids from shit-riden nations is trendier then expensive cars out in hollywood. If he wants, I could bless Jada with lord longstroke while he’s shopping for chinos….
    adopting ugly 3rd world kids = too much money and nothing to spend it on.

    Besides…fuck them dirtballs….there are plenty of needy children in b-more, N.O.,and all over. Why not just give some money to help poverty striken families if your so hard up to be helpful.

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    why bother adopting a baby when you can just make one with some insane woman who will make you spiral, out-of-control, into debt? oh wait, i think i answered my own question.

  • http://xxlmagazine.com Cal

    Some of you fellas have got the right point. Adoption is the biggest prenuptial fuck you a rich ass dude can give to his account hemorraging wife. That way she cant use any bullshit about having to provide her child the same as the father!
    P.s I’m really appreciative of all the love you guys are showing to Africa and the like its very inspiring. Dick Heads!!!

  • Worley

    Madonna: I wouldn’t touch nothing behind Dennis Rodman.

    I would have banged Angelina Jolie 5 – 10 years ago. Now she’s all skinny, looking funny and sh*t.

    Will should grab an American black kid and give him the Fresh Prince of Bel Air treatment. I think he’s raising one of his cousins, but there are still plenty needy nigras right here. You ain’t gotta go to China to make somebody’s life better.

  • jonathan

    you the funniest mofucka on the planet! no bullshit! but it aint about the chinese baby! thats just an extra incentive! they got the dough by adopting my kid from this girl nikki! the jamaican! so dont be confused! for real for real! funny post though! dont try to write racist shit though! you know watching my every read! and the GUNIT is torturing me into saying racist shit to try to make me look stupid! funny shit though! you a funny mofucka! for real for real! the funniest! you need a real job! at a newspaper or some shit! for real! or HBO comedy! they will give you a job! trust me! larry sanders! CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM! that dude will give you a job!

  • droopey

    wow lol im from UK and i havent heard any of this Will tryin to adopt bs. but yeah Will does look like 1 of those white guy follower guys. owell good luck to him, cant wait to see HANCOCK!

  • what


    you fat tranny, shutafuck up and get a real job

    Ps, your dad hates you

  • DJ JEW









    • BitchNugz

      Achully theys chinks call kikes monkey-people. for real.

  • http://suckapunk.blogspot.com Suckapunkin’

    Bol, I’m sure you know this but the reason that people adopt all these chinese babies, is that they got the one child rule over there, so every woman that gets pregnant twice needs to either get an abortion, put the baby up for adoption, or get her ass fined by the government. Since china’s a country with over a billion people, they get a lot of these babies up for adoption, and have set up a system to make it easy for foreigners to adopt. You could do the same thing in Africa, but there’s less of a system working there, so if you want anything done you have to bribe a whole bunch of bureaucrats, which Will Smith may or may not have ethical problems with.

    And LOL at you being compared to Larry Sanders. That’s just classic

  • PEno1

    Firstly im glad suckapunkin clarified that for you bol as you definitely need to be educated.

    Secondly, with quotes like these ‘probably wouldn’t even have an issue eating ramen noodles every day of its life.’ and ‘wealthy computer expert’ and ‘lifetime of weird pr0n and World of Warcraft.’
    it goes to show you are either a rascist stereotypical fuckwit or just write that shit because you think it would be funnier to dumb down shit for your ridiculously (mostly) dumb audience. Hence the reason why rap is the way it is and people crankin soulja boy or young this and lil that rather than Nas, Lupe, PE, and other intelligent rappers.

    Either way your proving your ignorance. We might as well call you the black Bill O’Reilly.


  • boltfromthablue

    not feeling this shit at all Billy X Sunday is the XXl blog king

    this shit is so ignorant and racist its not even funny anymore

  • EReal

    I see an attractive woman, and the first thing that comes to my mind is sex.
    Thats because you arent getting any.

    • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com DJ Daddy Mack


      “I’m just the highest paid blogger for XXL. (Which is to say, perpetually on the verge of living on the street.)”


      • paul

        please man i need your help iam in pains,you will get to know me when we talk,please you can contact me at my email paulakame007yahoo.com


    Funny stuff, Bol.

    Fuck Africa & China; why doesn’t he just apodt a black baby from West Philly? An orphan in Philly is just as bad off as an orphan anywhere else… Show some love for our gotdamn hometown, Will!

  • Ace ( 7 Block )

    Man shut up bitch just as freely as u were able to write this blog that man can do whatever the fuck he wants to do. Will Smith for president 2016, now that would fuck the game up…

    I thought this would take long…

  • LC

    Your article is so wrong on China in so many ways

    And for your info – pussy is cheap here – you can get decent karaoke bar girls to fuck you for 200-400 RMB = $30-$55 USD

  • G Money


    haha white people adopt anthony anderson