The world is a strip club

Tell me I’m not the only guy on this site who, when he meets an especially hot girl, has to fight the urge to shove money down her pants, almost as a matter of reflex.

It’s not so much that I look for ways to give a broad some money, especially if I don’t know for a fact that I’m gonna get some stank in exchange. Lord knows, doing this silly shit for a living, I need to hold onto every dollar I can get my sweaty hands on. It’s more like a Pavlovian thing.

Here in the Midwest in particular, as I mentioned in my review of that N*E*R*D show the other day, it’s not every day you come across a broad that’s really good-looking. And I don’t mean good-looking in the sense that she’s white and my perception has been forever clouded by the liberal Jew-run media. I mean, really good-looking.

And more often than not, when you do, it’s in a strip club setting, where that sort of thing is not only entirely acceptable, it’s more or less mandatory. I’m not too proud to admit that, on more than one occasion, I’ve had those nights where I felt my single supply getting low, but I wasn’t about to leave the club just yet. So I had to play the corner for a minute, i.e. like two hours. And wouldn’t you know, those whores had the nerve to talk shit about me from the stage?

The sad thing is, that almost always works. I’ll be like, “You know what? I’ll fucking show that ignorant beeyotch!” Then I’ll go over and give her two bucks to let me give her a bronski. (Then I’ll go stroke it in the car and head back home.) Not that I’m complaining or anything. Shit, I can hardly think of a better way to spend a few dollars. Fuck starving children in Africa. No Michael Jackson.

Even that time I got a cold sore, and the next day my mom was like, “How’d you get that?” I could only be so upset.

But I digress. The point is that I’ve got this tendency to associate sex – er, something along those lines – with reaching for my wallet, and it only seems to have gotten worse over time. I wonder, though, if this is a sign of some perversion on my own part, or if this is a phenomenon that’s entirely commonplace in our culture in some form or another. In other words, is it so wrong to try to exchange money for pussy, or is that actually what god intended?

(The sign that you’re really fucked up is when you get that thing where literally every broad you see under a certain age kinda reminds you of someone you once saw in a pr0n. Again, tell me I’m not the only one who has this happen?)

The obvious example of this phenomenon right now would be the scandal involving the former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer (who’s since been replaced by a motherfucking blind person…) – which is the thing that’s had me thinking about whores, and one whore in particular, all day long now.

And what a whore she is.

Going over the pictures posted to her MySpace profile (for the sake of journalism, natch) for three hours straight this morning, I couldn’t help but wonder: Was Eliot Spitzer really such a committed whore monger, or did he just happen to come across a broad he felt was that worth it in the course of his work?

Self-righteous types have come down on the former governor for being a hypocrite, because he used to prosecute these prostitution rings and now he’s been caught balls deep in one as it were, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was gonna go after the Emperor’s Club, too, but then he saw an ad for “Kristen” and was just like, “Fuck it.”

He was overcome with desire to drop a load in this broad, and it just so happened that this was a broad who would let you drop a load in her, if you were the kind of guy with access to a shiteload of money like that. Like the governor. It’s like when you’re in a strip club, and you suddenly feel the urge to reach out and touch some woman’s ass. And then it occurs to you, “Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m in a motherfucking strip club. You can do that here.”

So you’ll have to pardon me if I didn’t feel the same sense of vengeance towards this guy Eliot Spitzer as the TPARs of the world. I could feel where he was coming from. Literally. Yeah, he was wrong for going after grown people just for engaging in an act that didn’t harm anything other than a woman’s ego, but I believe it was Eddie King from the Five Heartbeats who said that two wrongs don’t make a right.

And damn it if he wasn’t right, despite his various demons.

Them alphabet boys should have never thrown Eliot Spitzer under a bus in the first place, but an ideal end to this situation would have been for him to acknowledge that he was wrong all those years for going after people just for trying to give each other money in exchange for pussy, and that it was “Kristen” who helped him see the error in his ways. Then he could’ve gone about his business as governor, and the blind fellow could’ve gone back to whatever it is blind people do all day.

Maybe “Kristen” could hit him off as a sort of consolation prize. I’d chip in for that, even though he’d have no way of knowing whether it was actually “Kristen” or just some clucker from the streets of East St. Louis. (Which it would be, natch, if I’m the one that’s paying!)

  • master cheef

    if you’re in the mood for an apple, and dont have an apple tree in your backyard, you just might have to go the store and buy one.

    to get free apples, you have to take the time to plant the seeds, water the tree, and watch it grow.

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

    • Kev Lomax

      Co-sign! LMAO! Brilliant!

    • Liam

      lol, classic

  • Cheech Marin

    I would have smashed it…I mean, she’s hot and all, but for $4300 an hour, she better:

    1. Let me cum inside
    2. Let me dry fuck her ass
    3. Let me give her champagne enemas
    4. Lick my whole body clean with her tongue post-sex
    5. Take daily blood tests
    6. Invite 6 of her friends over and let me pass the torch
    7. Let me dip my McNuggets in her twat before I eat them
    8. Let me drink my fruit juice from her pussy.
    9. Do a thousand other things that will pop up in my head in the next hour.

    • http://suckapunk.blogspot.com Suckapunkin’

      I really hope this is the real Cheech Marin, that would make this comment ridiculously awesome.

  • og bobby j

    I still cannot cosign droppin 80 stacks on some pink. I can get some spanish hoes from the bx to dump loads on for $60 bucks….realtalk.

  • akuma170

    “I could feel where he was coming from. Literally. ”

    No Homo, Triple Chili Rating

  • lookadeez

    your writing is starting to really suck as Bol. Can’t read this incoherent babble.

    That award must be going to your head

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      He’s obviously just jealous of my award.

  • whyte chokalate 410

    Hahaha , “no michael jackson” . thats betta than Nullus. im still behind tho , what da fuck is ” TIs” and “TPARs”

    • blah blah

      TI= Tall Israeli, the people that own everything

      TPAR= a guy in the comments section by the name “these posts are rascist.” he used to always bash Bol’s blogs

  • DC

    LOL@the thought of Bol motorboatin’ a stripper.

    Anyway, if you are rich and in the mood for some professional poontang, you might as well shell out a few g’s to tap a fine, clean(ish) bitch rather than cough up a Hamilton or two for a BJ from a meth craving, STD-riddled, possibly transexual (No Mase) hooker in the Red Light District. At least Spitzer is not secretly ghey or a touching boys as is the case with most sex scandals these days. A dude cheating on his wife with a hot, young girl seems almost, dare I say, progressive given the current political clusterfuck.

  • Tyler

    “And wouldn’t you know, those whores had the nerve to talk shit about me from the stage?”
    Don’t ya’ just hate when that happens? Oh well. . Yea dawg what U fruits must understand is the ones that doesn’t see the picture 4 what it really is because they are hung up on that 80,000 gwop drop. That was like BoL, balling out with a handful of 50 singles on a weekend in the watering hole. Okay yes that is alot of money 4 a nut session in most cases but this dude Splither has mad loot plus I am sure that most of that money wasn’t even his 2 begin with. That was all your tax payer dollar at work instead of building road and school. Who needs those? Who knows how many times he ran thru there 4 mad free-bees because this guy had a rep 4 putting people under the jail with a smile on his face so he was not one 2 be fucked with. . So I dare say we should be raising our glass 40ounces 2 this gentlemen. A true American in every since of the word. He has gamed the system fuck mad hoes and is going 2 write a book while keeping his hoeass wife in check. And that other hoe. . Well, She is the #1 pussy on the planet with a bullet. I can’t wait 2 see her movie remake. . The bad guys are the haters that turn this pussy loving American in. . I say, shame on them. Power 2 the Pussy.

  • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com DJ Daddy Mack

    WOW. BOL U HAVE REACHED A NEW LOW. NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT UR SAD STORIES. U FELL OFF BOL. GIVE DAT AWARD TO BILLY. U WERE ONCE HOT BUT NOW U’RE NOT.

  • hawkdee

    yeah, i had cats goin to the cnn homepage all day lookin at ol’ girl, shes no lewinski, thats for damn sure…

  • syncity

    wow…why do people act like this is brand new?

    read this:
    http://www.newsweek.com/id/121325

  • SurferDude

    LMAO!!!
    This was the funniest shit I read in a while!!I agrre totally, stripclubs is a frustrating place and them hoes is rude n slutty (just how I like em)
    Come on people, without Bol this site would suck so hard (nullus)
    Anyways, if it wasnt for the dude beimg a total hypocrite with all his moral bullshit, fucking a hot eskort isnt that bad, I mean shes really hot, he just needed to let some “frustrations” off, so what????????

  • Youngz

    Co sign this entire article, people in this country is just so 2faced, if a beatch is willing to put her pus on sale n dudes are willing to pay for it, its all good.

  • zacreole

    Stank? (makes the Gasface). Stank? (makes the gasface again) Like they say about seafood-if it smells like fish don’t pay for it (or take it for free for that matter). You need to find some better women if the ones you are hoping to get with “stank”. GAWD I hate that term. Good read though.

    I don’t see the big deal. I think Spitzer was wrong for going after prostitution, not for going after prostitutes. At least he didn’t have to go after YOU. (yet another gasface made). It’s all good though, now New York has The Governiggga, who being blind, will probably spend less money on prostitutes. Look at it like this (no pun), see,(again) he can settle for the bargain basement bitches seeing (oops I did it again) he won’t know the difference anyhow. Oops, unless they “stank”.

  • HOLLYWOOD_P

    YEAH BOL YOU MIGHT WANNA WATCH OUT….HALF THEM BROADS ROAMING THE STREETS OF THE EAST SIDE AINT BROADS AT ALL

  • krazie-al

    now check out the stanks that make money

    http://www.gangstermind.com/?refer=412796

  • http://www.audioliquor.com Challz

    Dammm this nigga’s dumb

  • Liam

    “I wonder, though, if this is a sign of some perversion on my own part, or if this is a phenomenon that’s entirely commonplace in our culture in some form or another”

    I’m guessing it’s peversion

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