Leave J Dilla’s corpse alone

One of the few bright sides of never having much more than enough money to keep my Jew landlord off my back and to stay lit on Budweiser is that I don’t really have to sweat what would happen if I was to die all of a sudden.

Like, if someone was to reanimate Pimp C, and he came after me. (Excellent idea for a horror film, btw. Have the GZA start working on a script.)

Probably the most valuable thing I own is a Nintendo Wii, and who doesn’t already have a Nintendo Wii? Even poor kids in the ghetto have a Nintendo Wii – which would of course give the lie to the idea that anyone is truly poor in this country, and hence invalidate something like 95% of the rap music that’s been created in the past 10 years or so. (e.g. “I started selling crack for a living because my father ran out on my ignorant-ass mother, and she couldn’t afford to buy me name brand tennis shoes. Boo hoo, poor me.”)

But that’s a topic for another discussion.

J Dilla, on the other hand, had an entire catalog of incredible hip-hop beats (that hardly anyone actually liked until a couple of years ago), not to mention his name, and his likeness, and the fact that he died at such a tragically young age of some mystery ailment. (Lord knows I’ve been to my share of “mystery funerals” over the years. Not to suggest anything untoward about the late, great J Dilla. I’m just saying.) If somebody wanted to, they could probably use any combination of the above to make a shiteload of money from some shit that hardly has anything to do with J Dilla.

Indeed, that’s apparently what some people have been doing, and someone’s pissed about that shit. We’re just not sure who it is. Supposedly, the executor of J Dilla’s estate, a fellow named Artie Fufkin or some such, recently took out a full-page ad in Billboard going at mofos for making money using J Dilla’s music and what have you without going through the proper channels, i.e. this guy. I only heard about it last night on the podcast of Peter Rosenberg’s Sunday night show on Hot 97, and my mp3 player isn’t so good about fast forwarding through a two hour-long podcast, otherwise I’d provide you with more details.

But that was basically the gist of it. It mentions that Dilla has two young children, though it doesn’t say for certain who it was that put this guy up to this. Both of the kids have these ultra-ghetto names, ridonkulous to the point that they better hope those royalty checks keep rolling in for as long as they possibly can. Also, if they’re anything like their father, lord knows they need to eat. (My bad.) Furthermore, the ad doesn’t go so far as to name the offending parties, though it makes it a point to note that this guy Fufkin is the only person with legal authority to sign off on any J Dilla business dealings, not anyone else in his family or anything.

Rosenberg’s gonna look into this (I’d look into it myself, but I lack the resources), but he suggested that this might be a matter of Dilla’s baby’s mother trying to cake up – since, presumably, she would be the one in charge of his seeds – and that there might be some beef between her and Dilla’s mother – hence the ad making it a point to note that no one else in Dilla’s family is allowed to make business decisions on his behalf.

Keep in mind that, as of right now, this is mostly speculation. But if this is the case, I wonder if this woman is really that hard up, or if it’s just that she sees an opportunity for herself. She lucked out and had this poor bastard’s children, and now she’s gonna try to rape his corpse for all that it’s worth. (Maybe this was even her plan along. The guy had been sick for quite some time. How old are these kids?) Keep in mind that I used to work at K-Mart, so I know how cheap kids clothes are. For all we know, she could be using this money to buy cocaine, or to go on vacation with some other guy, working on his joint in a hot tub, while Dilla’s moms is at home trying to figure out how she’s gonna pay for his hospital bills.

I’m not saying that’s definitely what’s going on here. I’m just saying. If you’re a guy, and you think you might die soon, you might want to consider giving control of your estate to your mother. If your mom’s not around, you might even want to consider giving it to another guy. I don’t think a guy would do another guy like that, unless he absolutely deserved it.

  • b-ease

    Excellent…

  • dulce1908

    Wow…I do think it’s sick when people die and instead of properly mourning, family members fight over money, jewlery and land. And trust, it’s not just the rich and famous-my family has had its share of “funeral feuds” over the last couple of decades-with me always getting the short end of the stick…

    • wood grain grippa

      LOL sorry yo but that shit funny

  • bgrizz

    For all we know, she could be using this money to buy cocaine, or to go on vacation with some other guy, working on his joint in a hot tub,

    Nullus?

  • smog

    dies from level of contridiction of title

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      If J Dilla was still alive, I’m sure he would appreciate me doing him this solid.

      • Manka Cat

        Ummm……..nullus??

  • og bobby j

    For all we know, she could be using this money to buy cocaine, or to go on vacation with some other guy, working on his joint in a hot tub, while Dilla’s moms is at home trying to figure out how she’s gonna pay for his hospital bills.

    That shit is hysterics…and probably true

  • sack4stacks

    thought u were gonna go hard at Chuck Phillips, the L.A. Times and the aesthetically challenged spawn of low level Staten Island mobsters turned snitches…tmr?

  • Jud Buechler

    Bol= Unkle Rukus of Blogging

    We all know Bol, doesn’t like Common or Rev. Wright cause he speaks the unwanted truth about the oppressive “white” Government.

    You gotta realize, Bol is really a white guy, hence the type of Rap he likes. His affinity for Beastie Boys, and hipster rap is unparalleled.

    90% of Bol’s friends are white, so when black conscience rappers make their points, he takes offense to that. He calls Rev. Wright’s church “racist” cause as a white man, he was actually offended by his remarks. But nothing that Rev. Wright said that was racist towards a group.

    The reason why he is mad at Common, is because Common mentions about dating white women and Bol has only dated white women. So Bol took offense to it. That’s why he called him a fruit.

    What reason do you have, to be mad at Common and call him names? None. When People tell the truth, others are offended.

    Moral of the story= Bol dates white women

    Gist of the story= Bol was offended by Common’s line of “Black men walking……..”

    • Ryan

      With a name like Jud Buechler, Bill Wennington and Luc Longley can’t be far behind right?

      • jimmyjoints

        ether. point goes to ryan.

      • nellz

        lol.

  • Worley

    “One of the few bright sides of never having much more than enough money to keep my Jew landlord off my back.”

    I thought you lived in your mother’s basement. Is she Jewish?

  • The Spaniard

    “which would of course give the lie to the idea that anyone is truly poor in this country”

    I get your general point about these fake-ass rappers and materialistic lemmings but…

    Federal Minimum Wage (FMW) = $6.55
    Weekly Salary = (FMW) * 40 = $262

    Affordable rental housing is defined as housing which costs no more than 30% of salary or $78.6 per week or $314.40 per month.

    Good luck finding (decent, if any) housing in that price range.

    Then add-in food, clothes, transportation (only work related), health care…there are plenty of actual “poor” people in this country. If poor is defined (as it should be) as little to no financial freedom plus no legitimate prospects or means to achieve such freedom.

    I suppose one could happily accept his lot in life and enjoy his hellhole living environment and be happy he can afford his daily helping of noodles, spam, and water while toiling away at a shitty job without much time, if any, for personal pleasures or pursuits.

    Also we have to face the fact that some people are simply incapable of a high level of achievement due to a variety of factors (my favorite theory is incompetent parents) so it isn’t just a matter of work harder or find out what you can do best.

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      Not to pull the ol’ TPAR copy and paste tactics, but I was referring to the argument that how can people really claim to be poor in a country where most “poor” people have VCRs, as put forth by the Heritage Foundation and the like.

      Take for example:

      Nearly three-quarters of poor households own a car; 30 percent own two or more cars. Seventy-eight percent of the poor have a VCR or DVD player; 62 percent have cable or satellite TV reception; and one-third have an automatic dishwasher.

      http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=23134

      I’m sure there’s some flaws to this line of thinking, but I’m not convinced it’s completely without merit.

      • Flakker

        Yes, but when you consider that a car is mandatory to get around in large swaths of this country, and that couples may require a separate ride to get to their jobs and work on different schedules, and that is increasingly impossible to see any sort of information on network television in many locations, and that an automatic dishwasher saves water and money it starts to sound a lot more reasonable. Yes, they have a DVD player, but in many cases this is their only diversion from their hellhole living environment.

      • Flakker

        A dishwasher saves water and money versus hand washing. Considering the necessity of a car in large swaths of this country just to get to work and considering also that couples often work separate jobs at different hours it starts looking a lot less ridiculous. Yes, they have a “VCR or DVD” player? Who doesn’t have a VCR player? DVD players were $30 three years ago, besides which television and videos are often the only distractions from the hellholes the poor live in.

      • Tray

        What percentage owns ten or more books?

    • The Spaniard

      Make no mistake, I agree, in principle, with a large part of that argument. If you have cable or a dishwasher you are not “poor” you’re just an idiot without a lot of extra cash. Hell, I have a dishwasher and I don’t use it half the time on GP.

      Meanwhile back at the bat cave…the coding of this website sucks balls. I need to send my resume to someone to get this shit in order.

      • Zottapottamottakiz

        the poorest person in america is 100 times better off than the average person in most countrys in the world. it’s hard to imagine but its true america. you are the soilt rich emo kid of the world.

  • Da PartyStarter

    America is the ONLY country that has “poor” fat people, so I “get” your argument.
    However, JDilla died of Lupus, debilitating, painful affliction of the autoimmune system.
    Nothing funny about that. God has a way of working things out with the greedy, hateful and unforgiving of this world. I mean, Reagan DID die from Alzheimer’s, right?

    • The Spaniard

      He also seems to have a way with killing and maiming people who have done absolutely nothing wrong to anyone for shits and giggles it would seem.

      Great guy this “God” is.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    I don’t believe in god, but I do believe that deaf people are that way because god hates them.

    • og bobby j

      word…thats kinda like how left handed redheads are the devils children.

  • stoneyisland

    It’s called a living will you dumb ass bastards (BOL)for some reason black folks dont believe in drawing up wills…..then the rest of us just sit back and watch the vultures pick the remaining flesh off the bones.

  • daesonesb

    The trick is to spend all your money before you die, then will everyone in your family funny shit, like a case of airline peanuts.

    • The Spaniard

      For added fun you can bury the case of peanuts and make it a tresure hunt. To make it complete leave a map with a great big X on it.

  • Boltfromthablue

    for additional kicks you could eat the peanuts first then bury the empty packaging

    • RisingSon

      For even more fun filled hi-jinx…do not bury the packaging at all, but leave a map anyways…leaving ur peanut greedy next of kins in a futile search for nothing.

      • The Spaniard

        You have just perfected my idea. I am in debt.

  • http://www.myspace.com/crockerishiphop Crocker

    “Have the GZA start working on the script.”

    Damn. You really are a witty, whimsical motherf***r.

  • LOL @ niggas

    Dilla is way overrrated, his beats are mostly garbage, some funky abortions that only became cool when the nigga died. dickriders have a good time, its hip to like dilla, but name me ten songs riught on the top of your head – see you bitches…u know shit, fuckin duickridin cumstains.

    • daesonesb

      you are wack.

    • Cameron

      1. Players
      2. The Light
      3. The Official
      4. Drop
      5. Stand to the Side
      6. Didn’t Cha Know
      7. Untitled/Fantastic
      8. Forth and Back
      9. Little Brother
      10. Dynamite

  • Dal

    ” I don’t think a guy would do another guy like that, unless he absolutely deserved it.”

    Fat Joe

  • http://wow! Wow!

    This Proves that XXL is corporate.
    No self respecting HipHop publication would ever print this garbage.

  • Pana

    u gotta be kidding me…lmao! Guys do all kinds of fucked up shit to each other for less…how did ur blog go from people who leech off of the dead to the battle of the sexes? unfuckin believable…ur mom must of treated u like shit as a kid…cause u really got it in for the females…

  • http://incilin.blogspot.com Incilin

    “Keep in mind that I used to work at K-Mart, so I know how cheap kids clothes are. ”

    ^ LMAO

  • The Nicker

    “I don’t think a guy would do another guy like that …”

    Do I even need to say it?

    Not to mention that there are plenty more people besides this guy making some bank of the late great Dilla.

  • daesonesb

    XXL needs to leave Bol’s posts alone. How are you all gonna take down that Miss Info piece?

    Is MS info really gonna get mad at Bol for gossiping about her? Does anybody else see the Irony in this? SHE GOSSIPS ABOUT FOOLS ON THE RADIO EVERYDAY! She cant be mad about it, its just a taste of her own medicine.

  • Combat Jack

    ^ “Keep in mind that I used to work at K-Mart, so I know how cheap kids clothes are.”

    ^^ “For all we know, she could be using this money to buy cocaine, or to go on vacation with some other guy, working on his joint in a hot tub, while Dilla’s moms is at home trying to figure out how she’s gonna pay for his hospital bills.”

    Lol!!!

  • that nigga

    Yo, where the fuck Is Bol at?