Who banged Fat Joe’s wife?

If I was famous enough, I would definitely try to have sex with a series of famous women and then write stories about it. Not only would it be a good idea business-wise (no more of this working for boxes of cutout copies of XXL Raps CDs), but I’m sure it would be utterly fulfilling on a… shall we say, personal level.

I even mentioned it once in a post on this site, back when it was rumored that Ray J was working on a book about the fact that he’s had sex with more than 1,100 women, at the ripe-old age of 26 – a sort of male version of those Superhead books: that was so my dream career, and that fruit had to go and steal it.

From what I understand, the Ray J book has since been scrapped, so there might be hope for my dream career just yet. Now all I’ve got to do is convince a series of famous women to have sex with me. And I’m not too proud to admit: based on the (ahem, occasional) difficulties I’ve had convincing women who aren’t famous to have sex with me, this may be no small feat.

Apparently, people in general, but especially women, don’t like to read things that make them feel bad about themselves; they just want to be flattered. Not that my idea was to convince women to make sweet, passionate love to me through the sheer quality of my writing, but, as it turns out, there’s no money in this either.

Fuck!

But I digress

Ray Benzino isn’t famous per se, but he’s an important figure in the history of hip-hop, on account of the fact that he must have pictures of Dave Mays having sex with another guy. Or maybe the two have found some sort of bond two people share when neither is actually black. Who knows?

At any rate, Benzino has been Dave Mays’ right hand man since forever, going back to the days when they helmed the second-best hip-hop magazine evar (behind, of course, my benefactors here at Harris), The Source.

It was always rumored that the two of them, and especially Benzino, used their considerable influence to have their way with any number of… erm, hoes in the hip-hop community, including the likes of Lil’ Kim (who once got five mics for an album that wasn’t even Hard Core) and some of the girls used to write for them. (Note to self, start your own magazine. No more of this blog bullshit.)

But for whatever reason, such stories were never given the fully detailed rendering they so obviously deserved. Is it because they weren’t true? Again, it’s hard to say. Obviously, my hope is that they were. A recently-leaked cover of Mays and Benzino’s Hip-Hop Weekly purported to finally take you, the reader, inside Ray Benzino’s filthy den of sensuality, but come to find out it was a fake.

I only read about it on the Miss Info website, which was very adamant about noting that this was, in fact, a Miss Info exclusive; but then they didn’t bother to actually post a picture of said cover so that you’d know what they were talking about. There might even be some sort of lesson in that about the integrity of writers who continuously tout their own access to celebrities.

It reminds me of a conversation I once had with Slug from Atmosphere, who happens to be a close personal friend of mine. (Hey Sluggo, how’s the family?)

Anyhoo, apparently this cover suggested that Benzino had run up in Fat Joe’s wife, and Fat Joe is none too pleased, even though it was fake. Not having so much as a girlfriend, let alone a wife, of course it would be difficult for me to say how it would feel to have Benzino suggest that he had sex with your wife one way or the other. Hopefully, this doesn’t drive him to eat.

Here’s the operative bit from the Miss Info website:

The fake magazine cover includes the ridiculous coverline: “Benzino’s Confessions: I Slept with Fat Joe’s wife. Lil’ Kim, Foxy, Misa, Melyssa Ford…It’s Nothing. Yiimean? I’m like the male Superhead…..Why Trina aborted my baby….My fling with Suge’s baby mama.” Fat Joe says the entire cover is a photoshopped fake intended to fool people into thinking that this magazine was really printing that story. In reality, the upcoming cover of that magazine actually features Young Buck.

Which of course begs the question: Why in the world would someone pretend to have sex with Fat Joe’s wife? Does that not strike you as being rather random? Even if I did, I don’t know if I’d admit to it for the purpose of bragging. (Aww dang!) Maybe if I had beef with the guy.

Speaking of which… since Mays and Benzino supposedly didn’t have anything to do with it, of course my mind immediately went to 50 Cent – pretty much the only person I could think of who has beef with Fat Joe, other than some of those bums from Terror Squad. As I mentioned the other day, Fiddy has been ratcheting up his marketing efforts on the Internets as of late, trying to get his career back in order.

Could this all be part of some viral marketing scheme he’s got going on to promote his new film with Robert DeNiro (who probably also had sex with Fat Joe’s wife)? What do you fruits think?

  • http://gooddoctorzeus.blogspot.com DocZeus

    I really do mean this: Bol is a fucking genius, y’all. GOAT Post Of The Year.

  • Tito Santana

    Da Backwudz(U gonna luv me)and (I dont like the look of it) are now Labratz. They’ve departed Dallas Austin’s label Rowdy Records to start there own(Royal Family Music) along with producer Sol Messiah(chamillionaire sound of revenge),(David Banner),(Goodie Mobb),(Dead Prez),(Nappy Roots).. Check da new video called (Creation) on YOUTUBE or myspace.com/thebackwudzmusic..Also they just released an album Independenly Via the internet called (Atlantis Rising) available on Amazon.com, Itunes.com, rhapsody.com, ect..
    To all up and coming artist much success and dont be afraid to put that extra grind in and go Independent!! It’s a new era… Everything resides on the Internet even Hiphop! Dont sleep on The Move ment!!Wake up…myspace.com\thelabratzmusic

  • Nate-D

    you’re an idiot…..but i like it

  • Fire

    Four words: Who gives a fuck?

    • ddubbzz

      Did you count the words while you were typing it? I did

  • yezzir

    tucker maxx already wrote a book about the same thing

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      Yeah, but those girls weren’t famous.

  • b-ease

    Because Fat Joe’s wife is fucking SMOKING. You’ve never seen her before? She looks like Coco’s gonna look after two kids. Which, is to say, very fuckable.

    And I saw the cover on mediatakeout yesterday, don’t know if it’s still up. Almost pissed myself when I read it though. It turning out to not be true has kind of fucked my day up.

  • b-ease

    The only thing that makes me able to take the fact that it’s not true is the fact that Curtis Jackson (funniest rapper ever) may be behind this. Thanks 50.

    • The Spaniard

      I thought I was the only one who recognized the comic genius of 50 Cent. That guy is hilarious. For the most part I am not even a fan of his music but I give him a passing grade for providing quality entertainment on another level.

      ~”I would like to thank myself for this award (in lieu of god I assume).”

      ~”Cam’ron’s a fucking idiot. Does he want me to hang out on the corner with him? I don’t somke weed or drink.”

      ~”Fuck the hood. I’ve waiting a long time to get out of that motherfucker!”

  • Suckapunkin

    I dunno if they got beef with Fat Joe, but this kind of retardation stanks of dipset. I mean c’mon, ridiculous arbitrary beef, a claim that has no possibility of being true, photoshop and a truly bizarre sense of humor? How could this not be Cam’ron?

    • http://xxlmag.com Bol

      Good point.

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  • Mr. Doingliny

    Hey BoWl,

    When that “Shoulder Lean” song comes on the radio and you start leaning, does the world’s axis shift 90 degrees? Are you the one causing the earth’s crust to break beneath the ocean, which in turn causes those tsunamis in Indonesia? When you roll out of bed at the crack of 1 pm everyday, do your stomps on the floor of your dad’s basement break the neighbors windsheild? Just asking.

    Signed,
    Concerned citizen

    • og bobby j

      where you at that Shoulder Lean still rocks on the radio?

      • http://xxlmag.com Bol

        Don’t ruin this guy’s moment, you insensitive fuck!

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  • The Nicker

    I believe Obese Joe needs to pull a page out of his man Pun’s principles on this one:

    “That’s my wife, I paid for them titties! Get your own, YA HEEAAARRRRRD!”

  • fastflipper

    so real!

    she really look like coco.

    and fat hoe probably sont fuck her…

    but is easy to see that zno is looking for friends

  • http://www.fakeshoredrive.blogspot.com AB

    Definitely 50 fuckery – no question. The only place I saw the cover posted was Thisis50.com, er I mean, someone else saw it over there.

    Yiimean?

  • http://www.theclassiks.blogspot.com H. IMPERIAL

    yo 50 is funny as hell….i think he cross the line tho’…..women & children u leave alone in a war…he really wants fat joe 2 bust his ass

    http://www.imperialfilmworks.com
    http://www.myspace.com/imperialfilmworks

  • og bobby j

    i dont think I could care anyless about who is smashing fat joe’s wife. I hope Pun taught him the proper way to pistol whip a bitch.

  • http://www.cocaineblunts.com/ noz

    so fat joe intends to sue who exactly? the internet?

  • http://xxlmag.com Kane Corleone

    I’d fuck .she look cool to me.In war u attack the heart first,everything else will follow.

  • Mr. Doingliny

    Answer my questions, Sean Kingston’s body double

  • Mr. Doingliny

    Oh, and it gets play on Power 105, you fucking retard. It’s not like it’s Billy Ray Cyrus or some shit.

  • Fernando

    The mere suggestion of Benzino running up in Melyssa Ford hurts my soul. I always hoped that she would at least give it up to some people worth a sh!t before I get my grubby mits on her.

  • gamma

    50 you funny fuck LAMO!
    But on the real I fucked Fat Joe’s wife, and BOL’S moms that fat bitch keep calling me chocolate wafer!

  • Pierzy

    Is Joe’s wife a hottie? Anyway, I think it’s a LOCK that this is a marketing stunt…remember, these are two guys who put Em on the cover with a middle finger and included a cd of songs that were 15 years old that supposedly proved he is a racist. “No more Source with street cred/Them days is dead/Ray’s got AK’s to Dave Mays’ head/Every issue there’s an 8 page Made Men spread…”

  • Liam

    Photoshop ruins more lives lol

  • http://myspace.com/downwiththaking thekingof118

    yea…

    but i fucked halle berry…

    u guyz should thank me for those titties…

  • gamma

    @thekingof118:
    I don’t know Like six months ago I fucked halle man and scarlet johanson. We might have to go to Murry

  • Tyler

    Hey BoL, Just look at how far we have fallen in this here so called Hip Hop World since the music now sucks. . We all have 2 rely on a half ass superstar blogger like BoL for some type of Hip Hop Hype or a fuckin’ laugh. Don’t U guys miss the days when a punk rap nigga would talk slick then another nigga would roll out with his crew and send that shit talking nigga’s punk ass straight 2 Heaven or Hell with a couple hot ones thru his car door? Or a rap nigga would let of sparks in a girls face because his boss / music mogul got disrespected in the club? Or Suge was somewhere making another nigga drink his piss cause dude 4 sum reason wouldn’t give up Puffy’s Mom’s address so Suge could send her sum Valentines flowers? (Insert your own thoughts about our fallen soliders Biggie and 2Pac) with “Hit’em Up” playin softly in the background. . Damn! Like Archie Bunker says. . “Those were the days.”

  • http://www.otrfan.com concerned hater

    Fat Joe sues Adobe.

  • http://asianmanflavor@msn.com Cali Is Active

    Finally you write something worth a little bit of my time Fat version of Mutut Bol..

  • http://www.picturemedia.co.za I RUN THIS..

    LMFAO…
    Bol, you’re stupid..lol..like dude, i cant believe this is what the rich WHITE PEOPLE at Harris Pub pay you for..lol..great post!

  • I REIGN SUPREME

    I want to be a gigolo. Props to BOL!!!

  • ahahah

    Didn’t Wilt Chamberlain have sex with like a bagillion women in one night and go on to score 100 points the next day?

  • master cheef

    fat joe is straight? who knew?

  • Youngz

    LOL…Good luck on the star humping scheme BOL!! I think u should start blackmailing celebrities like Kelly Rowland and Brandy to write all sorts of retarded shit about them, cause rumours spread fast, the u probably get some action!!

  • blahblah

    I don’t blame fat joes wife for fuking another man. I would say she’s one smart bytch. Well big ups to fat joe wife for fuking someone else who can deliver what,fat joe can’t do for her.

  • LC

    Fuck you’re a legend Bol

    How about you start off by trying to bang Miss Info?