Thuggin’ Lovin’

ValentiMe’s Day should be the first day of the year. This is the day that everyone is obligated to express their love for something other than themselves. I try not to masturbate on Valentime’s Day so that I don’t bring the ghost of St. Valentime down on my ass. You know that nigga had syphylis right?

What are y’all getting into later on? Taking your broad out to dinner? Red Lobster I bet. Niggas act like Red Lobster is a fancy restaurant. You always see a grip of folks in they church shit coming out of that place with plastic bags full of shit. Niggas be going grocery shopping in Red Lobster like that motherfucker is a real fish store. That’s what happens though when you O.D. on them cheesy biscuits. Them shits is crack though.

If you ain’t got a broad to trick on I hope you at least bring your momma a rose or some shit. Thank her for not swallowing your ass. Trust me dunn, all mothers swallow. Except mine. She was a virgin when she had me. True story.

Okay, do not force me to think about my mother having sex. It’s fucking Valentime’s Day and I am about to go masturbate to pics of that chick from the ‘Flashing Lights’ video. I have to find a pic where she is buckit neckit though. Just to make sure she is sporting a twat. You know how these entertainment types like to fuck with the foxy she-males? You think that chick is some kind of exotic middle eastern Sephardic poon and then she surprises you with a penis. That shit never happened to me though. I’m just sayin’ like maybe ask Eddie Murphy or Mason Betha.

If you were wondering what some of your favorite rappers were doing for Valentime’s Day let’s take a look inside of the mailbag here at XXL Mag dot com where they mail away their Valentimes cards. Too bad these rappers don’t sign their names. Then at least we would know who these fruits are.

Pappy Chulo,
Be my Valentime. I’m sorry that you got punched in the face.
xo,
U.M.

Big Bro’,
This is your baby bro.
I’m sorry that the rock is all smashed out.
Let me know if you need a loan.
Your shy valentime
K Dubya


Happy Valentine lil mama,
I seen’t u and ur “husband” at the grammys.
Let me know when I can come scoop you.
Kelis Keys > Kelis Jones
Lol, just playin, but not really.
xoxox
AK


Dear Daddy,
I am gonna kiss you on the mouth this weekend at the All-Star game. With my tongue too.
Smooches(with pictures of hearts drawn in)
Daddy’s Baby

I think I have read enough of these cards. I’m about to vomit on my keyboard. I hope that whatever you do today you do it with some love behind it. Hell, pull out the Carter II and listen to it ten times and convince yourself it’s a classic. Dust off the OB4CL cassette tape if you got one. I still do. It’s the only album named OB4CL you will hear in 2008. Put a little something in the air for all the brothers that couldn’t be here because they are dead or arrested, like Juvenile who got arrested for putting something in the air.

Today is a day for love. Tomorrow however, is a brand new day where we can return to hating on shit.

  • Kool-Aid man

    Yeah im a middle child, but my momma was a virgin though.

    • big dick cheney

      LMAO about the Carter II comment. Anyone thinkin thats a classic should kill themselves. Smooches….lol.

      Lil Wayne’s a homo

  • Maddolies

    Man Wta Horrible Blog.. Ur probably the most pathetic person walking this earth.

  • Ghost Deini

    Did you get your paper ?

  • AJG Da Aviator

    WOW!!!! IM CONFUSED?!@#$#$!#$r$# BUT ITS SIMPLE YOU TAKIN SUBLIMINAL SHOTS AT JAY, KELIS, WAYNE AND BABY!!!! HAHAHA!!!!

  • http://www.picturemedia.co.za I RUN THIS..

    Billy if you look straight into the mirror, dont blink..straight into your eyes balls, ahh ahh dont blink, just concentrate..you’l see a reflection of Bol in his white vest and pink boxers “kicking and pushing” to Lupe and blowing you kisses..
    Do the same, return the love, put on the Carter 1 even better and let Weezy’s voice massage your liver..feels warm doesnt it..

    happy vday billy
    xoxo

  • http://www.myspace.com/sogentllc LowEndofDaChi

    LMAO!

    Whatup BXS?

    Back in rare form, I see you!

  • http://www.myspace.com/jimmyvalentime Jimmy Valentime

    obligatory Jimmy Valentime Post

  • jg420

    Damn son that was a classic drop. Red Lobster shopping, all mothers swallow, and rappers with hot tranny’s was exactly what I needed this morning. Funny shit, Pay This Brother

  • BIG O

    lol lol lmao is all i can say.oh yeah just in case you aint already know the chick from the kanye video name is rita g.i just looked her up and now i need a nap peace

  • BIG O

    p.s just to ruin your valentines day rita g is a lesbian.really she says she hates fucking with men.shit made me mad but fuck it theres always lauren pheonix

  • I REIGN SUPREME

    I was about to criticize your writing technique and your terrible usage of words (n*gga being one of them) until I came across this paragraph

    “If you ain’t got a broad to trick on I hope you at least bring your momma a rose or some shit. Thank her for not swallowing your ass. Trust me dunn, all mothers swallow. Except mine. She was a virgin when she had me. True story.”

    Now that’s some funny sh*t. Keep up the good work.

  • Fresh

    Ayo Billy the chick in Kanye’s video is Rita G, an internet prOn star. There are literally hundreds of buckit neckit pics of this chick, just do an extensive google search and you should find em and plus she has her own site so you can check there dude but i gatta admit she is one bad chick.

  • JD

    naw man im takin my girl to the Olive Garden. now thats a fancy restaurant. you right about dem cheesy biscuits though

  • http://www.myspace.com/crockerishiphop Crocker

    When did you become the funny guy BXS? Thought that was Bol’s thing? Painfully funny? Ah fuck it, kudos to ya. P.S. Here’s to ur father deep dicking your mother. May that image forever haunt you. LOL.

    • big dick cheney

      Crocker….hilarious. BXS post some pics of your mother so that image can haunt me as well. lol.

  • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com DJ Daddy Mack

    WOOOO. TRUE STORY SONS.

    I GOT MY ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE DAY.

    ILL TRY NOT TO BEAT MY MEAT TOO :(

    HOPEFULLY SOME ISH CAN GET POPPING 2NITE.

    TUNE IN TO MY RADIO SHOW YA. V-DAY SPECIAL. MIDNIGHT EST!!!

  • Worley

    Classic material.

    Boy, Kelis got a flatty. Yes, I said flatty. I know who all the rest are from, but who the hell is AK? Akon?

    • http://shilv.org/ servicey

      ^Alicia’s Keys open Clive Davis’ doors, not drawers.

    • c. gabi

      Alicia Keys…

  • b-ease

    naw man im takin my girl to the Olive Garden. now thats a fancy restaurant.

    ^^^^^^^^^^
    If that’s sarcasm, I’m laughing my ass off. If it’s not, I’m laughing my ass off, but for a completely different reason.

  • one shot deal

    haha hilarious! Im broke as always on valentines day and my girl is gonna be mad when i bring her to mcdonalds tonight but this post made my day. that red lobster is the shit though

    • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com DJ Daddy Mack

      My girl wants to go to Micky D’s. I was like :0

      Chuck D interview up on my blog :)

  • Deez Nutz

    Who is U.M. in the first letter?

  • http://stuntingonprose.com J. Burnett

    bxs, yea that rita g chick is badangin’. i heard you can go to her site and cop her draws–not her brand name but ones that have touched her vajay jay. i don’t know i wana vomit or pitch a tent or both in an undecided order

  • Mr.Wang

    “You taken her to Red Lobster wit da chedder biscuts. Da fam aint even eatin chedder biscuts, but this random broad eatin chedder biscuts.”
    -Riley Freeman
    Boondocks

    wats good ppl. Billy dont beat ya meat man…aint worth it.

    u know wat i did on valentines day?

    play Grand Theft Auto

    watch Scarface too

    im so anti valentines day

  • Combat Jack

    Pay This Nigger!

  • thetwo4

    U.M. = Uncle Murda

  • E-Fleezy

    That shit was madd funny son. You the only moafucka who’s on point around here.

  • John Galt

    Inspired. Good to have you back.

  • Skeme

    Me and my girl was heading to longhorn (she was paying) it was mad stacked so we had Arby’s by candlelight and she paid – cheapest valentine’s ever!!!! I ain’t proud of it but I’m saving for that new Lex GS, SO FUCK IT!!!

  • Boosie

    Is Billy Sunday that fat flabby nigga that hang out with that corny white dude…The internet nerds?

  • latino heat

    lmao at the whole post, and the comments. fuck valentine’s day! we gotta waste money cause some corporation made up this bullshit holiday. and if we don’t our females get attitudes and won’t give up no pussy. that a bunch of bullshit. i miss my ex, i would just call her for v day and she would be straight. i wouldn’t even have to see her. my new thing wants the most. i hate v day.

  • latino heat

    UPDATE! i aint seen the kanye video, but i just looked up rita g. DAMN! i nominate her for the cover of next month’s King. and yes u can buy her draws from her web site. there are some sad lonely souls out there.

  • BORN IN THE NORTH, RAISED IN THE SOUTH

    http://www.curvelocity.com. She’s definetely sporting a twat, buddy. (Unfortunately, she only lets women play with it. Bummer.)

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  • http://cdreplication.jimdo.com/ Brooke Handt

    It does seem that everybody is into this kind of stuff lately.