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Justice, Canadian-style

Does the rumors section over at AllHipHop have some sort of vendetta against Lupe Fiasco, or could it be the case that Lupe really is one of the biggest douchebags in all of hip-hop? Of course I’m leaning towards the latter, but you guys know I’ve had my share of run-ins with him.

A couple of years (man, time really does fly when your life is going nowhere!), I suggested that his career might benefit from his first album being leaked a while before its release date. Which seems like a reasonable enough claim, if you ask me. But then he retaliated by calling me a dreaded n-word and threatening to jump off in my ass. (Nullus.) This, despite the fact that he’s supposedly against resorting to violence and calling people the dreaded n-word.

Then there was the matter of me discussing elements of Islamic fascism there may or may not have been in his album Food and Liquor; and my wondering why his manager got buried under the jail for dealing heroin, while Lupe didn’t get any time at all, when the feds had all sorts of evidence suggesting that Lupe may have also been involved. And probably any number of other things I’ve long since forgotten about.

Suffice it to say we’ve had our differences over the years.

So when I read a few months ago, in the rumors section at AllHipHop, that Lupe choked the shit out of a broad at a launch party for a new cell phone, in New York, it definitely seemed to fit into a certain pattern of behavior. Supposedly, he was trying to holler at her, but she wasn’t trying to hear it, so she threw a drink in his face. Which had the effect of triggering his inner Latrell Sprewell. This, of course, despite his being against disrespecting women.

Similarly, I don’t know for a fact whether or not some Canadian kid took a shit in Lupe’s car, but of course I’m hoping it’s true. And it sounds like it might actually be.

Supposedly, this kid Babel was working valet at “the spot” in downtown Toronto. He doesn’t say which one, but it could be that he doesn’t want management there to know that he’s been taking shits in people’s cars. I can definitely relate, having exacted my fair share of service industry revenge on ignorant mofos over the years.

So Lupe pulls up in a drop-top rental with a couple of piff pocketers and a broad who may or may not have been his sister. He gets out of the passenger side, comes around to the other side, and tries to finagle some extra-special service for his rental – probably because he was too cheap to spring for the extra rental insurance.

Then, when Babel clarifies to Lupe his commitment to his chosen line of work, Lupe throws a crumbled up dollar bill at his feet and calls the poor kid a dreaded n-word.

As Babel describes the scene:

[Lupe] comes around the whip real celebritard like and he gets up in my grill, looks at my nametag and he’s all: “Ayo, Babel, you park this car real extra nice for me, don’t forget you represents Madison Ave”, so I say “Yo n***a, i parks every car wit the same amount of care. Don’t matter if you 50 Cents or Kriss Angel”… So the man takes out a dollar bill crumples it up, throws it on the ground and says “There’s yo tip my N*g”.


So supposedly this kid Babel took a shit in Lupe’s rental, in the seat where Lupe was sitting. He never saw Lupe again, but supposedly he ended up riding three deep in the back seat with one of the piff pocketers and his sister. Which of course makes me wonder if he got a grief-on from having to sit so close to his sister, who’s described in the email as being a dime piece like I’ve never seen befor[sic].

I don’t have a sister myself. And if I did, let’s face it, she’d probably be ugly as shit. But I always wonder if guys who have especially hot sisters don’t secretly want to fuck the shit out of their own sister. I mean, how could you not? Is there some sort of special brain chemical that keeps you from getting a hard-on if the girl’s your sibling, lest your kids end up all retarded?

But I digress. Like I said, I’m not sure if there’s any way I can say for certain that this is true, short of seeing a picture of Lupe riding around in the back seat of a Sebring with his sister on his lap. Which of course would be fucking hilarious. But it seems like it might be true for a couple of reasons.

First of all, it would seem to fall into the pattern of Lupe all of a sudden flipping on people and calling them the dreaded n-word. Also, given Lupe’s propensity to tell on people, I’m assuming he would have tried to sue this kid, if he was making this shit up. Or at least called his job and tried to have him fired.

What do you fruits think? Did some Canadian kid really take a shit in Lupe’s car, or is AllHipHop just making this shit up? Is there any way we could know one way or the other?

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