When I saw Dr. Dre at the MTV Awards back in September, it occurred to me that there must be some office memo going around at Aftermath informing its employees that they need to get on the juice and bulk the fuck up.

How else to explain the fact that Fiddy Cent, Busta Rhymes, and now Dr. Dre are all walking around looking like they just got out the joint after having served a mandatory minimum? (Except their arms might be a bit more symmetrical, if you know what I mean!)

Maybe that's why Joell Ortiz was whining in a video posted here a few weeks ago that Dr. Dre is no longer taking his calls. In an interview with him posted today at Unkut.com, he complains that the picture of him on the cover of XXL's "Leaders of the New School" issue makes him look fat, but I'm pretty sure it was his chin.


And apparently that memo didn't quite make it out to Detroit. According to an item at TMZ today, Eminem had to be rushed to the hospital over the holidays for a serious heard condition and severe pneumonia. Um, ruh roh?

Big deal, you're saying. The guy got sick. People (especially people with bad drug problems) get sick from time to time, you know.

Well, here's the thing. Supposedly, Eminem's weight has ballooned to over 200 pounds. TMZ doesn't say for certain how they know this is true, or whether it actually has anything to do with his hospitalization.

But obviously they want us to assume he got too fat and had a heart attack. And in the absence of any evidence to the contrary other than the following statement from his publicist, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that this is the case.

The "official story," per Em's PR people:

"Over the holidays, Marshall Mathers, aka Eminem, was under doctor's care at a Detroit-area hospital for complications due to pneumonia. He has since been released and is doing well recovering at home."


As a fan and a fellow heart attack waiting to happen, here's hoping he gets well soon.

Speaking of rappers with health problems, today's news is coming on the heels of news last week that Nate Dogg had a stroke and is laid up in some nursing home out in California, as if he was an 80 year-old man.

Which begs the question: What the fuck is going on here? Even Marley Marl seemed a bit young to be having a heart attack, his issues with the pipe notwithstanding. (I can say that now, right?) But these guys aren't even 40!

It used to be all we had to fear was rappers being assassinated by Suge Knight.