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Did Uncle Murder really get shot?

Remember back when Fiddy Cent was just the bum who put out “How to Rob,” and then got dissed by a bunch of rappers?

I remember reading back in 2000 or whatever that he’d gotten shot nine times and thinking, “Well, I guess that’s the end of Fiddy Cent.” At the time, I figured he’d probably die. But then he didn’t. But then he got dropped from his label anyway, probably because the TIs didn’t want to run the risk of jigs running up in their offices looking for some one hit wonder.

Little did they know that just a few years later, Fiddy Cent would become one of the most successful rappers evar, right up there with MC Hammer and 2Pac. Rather than allowing his career to be destroyed by him getting shot nine times and dropped from his label, Fiddy Cent hit the mixtape scene hard and capitalized on his newfound notoriety.

Years later, I heard that he wasn’t even shot nine times, but it’s not like it really mattered at that point. He was already off in Mike Tyson’s old house, dropping it off in Vivica A. Fox (which apparently is the hot new trend these days).

Similarly, I wonder if this bum Uncle Murder is trying to capitalize on the publicity he received from getting shot in his head the other day. Also, I wonder if his injury was nearly as bad as he’d like us all to think. That shit may have worked for Fiddy Cent five years ago, but as President Sieg Howdy once said, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… won’t be fooled again!

I should have known something was up when no one had even heard about Uncle Murder getting shot until the next day (or was it the day after that?), when he called into the Wendy Williams show and claimed that he had been shot in the head, but he was already at home, nursing himself back to health with a pack of Newports and some Hennessey.

While the idea of a guy getting shot in his head and being able to recover through the use of menthol cigarettes and alcohol is cool in an Antonio Banderas in Desperado sort of way, it’s also sort of ridiculous, in the sense that… come on, how in the fuck is a guy supposed to recover from a gunshot wound to the head through the use of menthol cigarettes and alcohol?

A story in the New York Daily News a couple of days later claimed that he got grazed in the head, but I’m wondering to what extent he even got grazed.This reeks to me of when 2Pac shot himself in the nuts (yep) and then showed up to court the next day with a bandage around his head to throw off the scent. (He must have read about how to do that in one of his Machiavelli books.)

His nuts were probably hurting like a motherfucker!

Think about it: If Uncle Murder went so far as to call into the Wendy Williams show and brag about getting shot, and then make a song about himself called “Hard to Kill,” how come he couldn’t just make a video of himself standing in his backyard in his boxer shorts to show everyone how bad the wound really was. That’s what Cam’ron did.

It’s probably because there never was any wound in the first place. If a bullet went by his head at all, it must not have touched him. Or he might just be making this shit up. Like that rapper who paid Bobby Baccala to shoot him in “the fleshy part of the thight” in that episode of The Sopranos. Yep, this could be life imitating The Sopranos.

Speaking of that song… in it, not only does Uncle Murder claim to have been shot in the head (rather than grazed in the head, as it says in the damn paper), but he also goes so far as to suggest that the NYPD might have been involved. Oh, really? Um, since when has the NYPD been known to graze someone in the head one time and keep it moving?

He just better hope that the NYPD doesn’t look into this bullshit. If he had been thinking, he would have blamed it on one of those pimps. Like the guy Rock from Heltah Skeltah supposedly shot, or the guy who sicced his hoes on Foxy Brown and stole her hearing aid. (Who knew New York had so many problems with pimps?)

That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if getting shot ends up working out in Uncle Murder’s favor, regardless of whether or not it’s true. Anyone with the sense god gave geese can see that it probably isn’t, but it’s not like the kind of person who would be impressed by someone getting should would have much in the way of sense anyway.

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