Back For The First Time…

Being a cynical rap music critic is played out. This year I will only look to highlight what I hope to be the best developments to look forward to in rap music and Hip-Hop in general. The glass is no longer half-empty, it’s now half-full. And what is it filled with? Champale bitches! I’m coming back to this bitch drunk as a motherfucker. The fact that it is noon and I’m into my second round looks like a good sign to me that 2008 will be filled with as many inane drops as last year. Here’s some of the good shit in 2008 that I am looking for inside of rap music…

*takes a sip, then let’s out that aaaaaah satisfaction sound*

The ‘Nigger’ album from NaS – Finally someone tells white that they were the world’s first niggers. Word to Zwarte Piet. That’s Black Pete for all of you readers that don’t speak Dutch.

Carter 3 pushed back to 2009 – Lil’ Wang takes some time away from the booth to work on his Hollywood career. Relax, he still gets six more XXL covers this year for you fags to roll your meat up to.

No rapper arrests – This would prah’lee mean that the U.S. government was dissolved and we were all living in anarchy, so maybe not so much. How about no arrests other than hyphy and fast rap rappers?

The return of Lil’ Kim – Of all the sub-genres within rap music I feel like Ho Rap or Prosti-Rhymes suffered the most in 2007. I feel like Lil’ Kim can bring that Donna Summer streetwalker swagger back for all the females to emulate. I also see a nice little cross promotional platform available with Valtrex due to the rise in genital herpes.

Detox – Yeah, sho’ ya’ right.

I hope you clown’s new years helped you get some focus for 2008. I’m sure there’ll be another Jena 6 story or two this year for us to discuss. Definitely some police shootings(you know how they do!?!) and maybe even the passing of a rapper or two from natural causes. Motherfuckers are getting old and shit, word to Oscar Peterson.

No matter what happens I’m sure we’ll have some fun during the ride.

*takes another sip, then let’s out that aaaaaah satisfaction sound*

  • http://www.jimjones.com Frown

    Herpes is not funny and people with it suffer from your words. 85% of the worlds population has it, due some research. It’s fucked up in the worse way to get burnt like that. My man even wore a rubber. A dude like Magic contracts HIV an ho’s still coming at him on the ass tip. Even Vick for that matter, all I’m saying is that shit ain’t funny. Shout out to the condom makers with ball protectors, oh there aren’t any. Can I get a prescription just in case.

  • JAY STONE

    That nas new album nigger is gonna been crazy.Lil wayne will flop cuz he sucks

    • E

      “is gonna been crazy”???…. “Chimped up, with a pimp cup, illeaterate nigga”

  • moresickaMC

    hip hop should just die…can we get a new genre already?

  • moresickaMC

    King Mathers??…we want the white MC back(i’m black btw)

    Greatet Story Never Told?

  • Marcus

    Nobody cares bout lil wayne…That nigga is gay can’t rap, his shit don’t make sense. Keep getting ya wig push back nigga.

  • b-ease

    The white MC can only come back if he’s done making wack music. If there’s another Encore inside of him, i think he should just keep falling the fuck back. and the beats gotta stop.

    Nas’ album is going to be a disappointment. Because what Nas album isnt.

    • E

      illmatic?

  • JAY STONE

    Billy will have heart attack in 08

    • clarknova

      Jay Stone will be a holocaust denier in ’08.

  • http://www.myspace.com/larrybrite Tha MotherFu%KingBAY

    so maybe not so much. How about no arrests other than hyphy and fast rap rappers?

    - Not Cool Bill (thanx for the publicity tho)

  • http://www.alumnah.com Rey aka Alumnah’s Charles Oakley

    You realize that if your first sentence of this post is true, your portly compatriot Bol will be out of a “job”, right?

    Anyway, good post. LOL @ the “only arresting hyphy/fast rappers” bit.

    As for the Lil’ Wayne covers, maybe YN will do the “Fuck all’o'ya’ll” issue and put 50 AND Weezy on the cover. I think someone’s head would explode.

    –Rey
    http://www.alumnah.com

  • Anghell

    Lol @ Zware Piet comment. Taken a bit out of context :x
    Nice to see you repping Dutch though, can’t too many Americans say that

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    also to be looked forward to in ’08 — getting my car fixed. getting hired with my own classroom. caking from side hustles. oh wait was this supposed to be about hip-hop? well, in that case i would say i am looking forward to 3000′s solo LP as well as big boi’s; new serengeti; maybe the DOOM and Ghost collabo; no more dance songs.

  • http://hiphoponmymind.blogspot.com DJ Daddy Mack

    WORD TO NAS SON.

    FUCK LIL WANG.

  • Mr.Wang

    Yeah I’m lookin’ fo Detox too.

    But why you keep sayin’ Lil Wang?
    I ain’t bitchin’ but it’s funny.

  • blacker cracker

    the glass is neither half full nor half empty. There is just simply a half a glass of water.

    just cuz your favorite rapper doesn’t have the skills to rap fast, doesn’t mean you should hate on the ones with talent. Of course, all the 40 year old rappers you like can’t rap fast, they cant do anything fast, takes them niggas all night to do what they used to do all night.

    i’m looking forward to 50′s new album. I think 50 was cool with the fact that Curtis sucked(i have this theory that he was trying to teach interscope a lesson), because he knows Before I Self Destruct is gonna be off the chain(that’s why he saved it for last)

    i’m glad you’re in good spirits for the new year. bring the heat in 08, every day is a day to get better. ONE

  • daz_oc

    2008 better not suck…………..fuck!!! yes it will no matter what

  • Rizzop

    “Nas’ album is going to be a disappointment. Because what Nas album isnt”

    Hip Hop is Dead wasnt. Street’s disciple wasnt either….

    Its 2008 homie, get off that ringtone rap and listen to something with meaning.

  • Biz

    Word you know bout Oscar? Montreal Stand up!

  • JAY STONE

    is gonna been crazy”???…. “Chimped up, with a pimp cup, illeaterate nigga”
    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    This ain`t no english class bozo.You can`t ever spell illiterate you faggot E

  • http://www.theunderwriters.blogspot.com THE UNDERWRITER

    Nas better have those beats. But I do like the Nigger cover, because I’m a nigger lover.

    Detox is a lie, like they say the devil is in The Souf.

    I’ve gotta say that I think Wayne is going to surprise the hell out of cats. I know you don’t eff with him, Sunday, but I bet his album is better than half of the albums released this year. Or maybe not.

    OBAMA WINS! LIGHT-SKINDED IS BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!

    HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR, INDEED!!