2008: Lightskin Is In Again…
This movement started early in 2007 when the Indianapolis Colts won the Super Bowl. The first Black-ish head coach to win a Super Bowl was a good-haired negro. I knew right then it was time for me to dust off my Al B. Sure CD’s. Christopher Williams is back out on tour, Halle Berry is pregnant, Derek Jeter isn’t too ghey and Alicia Keys is gheyer than a pride parade in Miami Beach.
XXL Mag Dot Com leads the lightskint movement on the editorial tip with ego trippin’ Elliott Wilson and maverick video blogging mulatto Jay Smooth. I’m my lightest complexion in the February month, word to not-so Black history. It’s time for all of us chosen Blacks to retain our titles as the gatekeepers to the great jig culture that we exist on the periphery of. Dark skinned Blacks have been scaring the shit out of white for generations. It’s time for those fools to go back out into the fields.
It’s not simply the return of the house negro that I am happy for but the ascension of the beautiful fair skin goddesses. When was the last time that you even enjoyed seeing a movie, music video or image of a dark skinned woman? Even Oprah has to bleach her skin, and rightfully so, dark skinned women remind me of Africa, poverty and AIDS. Who needs any of that? Light skinned women remind me of Vanessa Williams, Lena Horne and Dorothy Daindrige.
I predict that this surge of lightskint love will continue unabated through the rest of 2008. Barack Obama will be elected president, BeYonce will win a Grammy, Vin Diesel will win an academy award, Reggie Theus will be the NBA Coach of the Year, Royce Clayton will hit over 40 home runs and James Blake will win Wimbledon. Now is the time for some of you to start using the best available bleaching creams. Byron Crawford, this is your chance to enter the immortal pantheon of lightskin negroes. One of the benefits is 72 white virgins.
If Lil’ Wang lightens his skin I guarantee platinum album status. If you ain’t light you ain’t right in 2008. Get right