Contact Us

The Upcoming Rapper Recession…

Good news party people, Roc—A-Fella Records was just playing possum. They about to release a compilation with the greatest hits you never heard from Memphis Bleek, Amil and Christion. Fire bitches, straight fire.

Someone on one of these threads coined the phrase ‘Rapper Recesssion’. I thought that was pretty astute coming from the pool of degenerates that typically hangs out here at XXLmag dot com. The statement might be truer than most of us want to believe too. If the United States economy has a significant downturn like all the financial smartypants people are projecting then you can definitely kiss that Only Built For Cuban Links 2 album to the wind. No one is going to want to take a chance on some old rappers looking to relive their glory days.

How many of you went to see that movie called the ‘Bucket List’? My point, exactly.

So if dark days are ahead for the U.S. economy what the hell will some of these rappers do to make ends meet? Please don’t say sell drugs. The only hustling that most of these rappers really know about is the kind where a man sells his ass to another man.

True story.

What did your boy Rick Ross say? “Every day I’m hustling”?!? Extra [ll] to that song and everyone who rhymed on the remix from now on. So aside from becoming a prostitute which I am sure that some rappers will fall into head over heels[ll], I thought we could take a look at some of the professions where rappers might find the transition a little easier into something that keeps them lockstep with their lyrics.

Grocery store checkout clerk – Not the dude on the register, since most rappers suck with handling money, but the cat that asks “paper or plastic”. How many times have rappers talked about their brown paper bags? Plus it’s almost like asking someone whether they want the red top or the blue top.

Sanitation department crewmember – This should keep rappers busy as they put all that crunk snap crap that has been filling the airwaves for the last several years in a garbage truck.

Laundry room attendant – Fools always talking about how they work with pounds so lets see them clean a few pounds of stanky drawls.

Military service – How many times have you hears rappers talk about busting gats and shit? Too many to count. It’s time to make all these shooters show and prove. Send these fucks to Iraq or Afghanistan and tell them to keep it gansgta with some a-rabs that live in caves and haven’t showered in years. Dudes will come back stateside rhyming like the Fresh Prince instead of Frank White.

English teacher – KanYe West was invited to some college to give a commencement speech or some shit. The irony is that the college dropout is caking up way more than 99.99% of the fools with degrees. Soulja Boy and Lil’ Wang both dropped out of grade school, so maybe they could give back to the community by returning to school to become English teachers. Real schools might be too strict with their accreditation requirements so instead these fools could teach one of those English as second language classes that all the immigrantes go to.

One way or the other rappers better get their Plan B’s popping, and I’m not even talking about the abortion pills.

Recommended For You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for XXL Mag quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!