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Top 10 For 2007…

Fuck you! You spent the whole fucking year downloading music for free. Now go outside of the little bedroom that you have slept in since you were four years old and leave your momma’s house. Got to Best Buy, Target, Circuit City, Wal-Mart, wherever you have to go to support fucking Hip-Hop. I did it. And don’t give me that shit about my salary here at XXL. I freelance bitches. My check from here pays for my cable television, my internets access and my motherfucking drugs. It’s not like record companies send me free shit. Shout to Koch Records for the free shit that y’all sent me. Anyhoo…

My point is that you fucks live off the backsweat of not just the Hip-Hop artists and the t.I.’s that pwn their asses, but you are now taking food from the mouths of the Mexicans that work in the plant that shrink wraps the plastic around the CD. You are stealing contraceptive money from the young, shapely interns that work in the entertainment industry that have unprotected sex with rapper weedcarriers and other members of the entourage. Who is going to pay for their birth control prescriptions or their OB-GYN care?

I’ve heard your arguments already, “If someone would make a complete album then I would buy it.” Shut the fuck up and stop sniveling. There was a shitload of good music released this year and not just that emo fag rap that is ultra popular on sites like Rate Your Music, but real major record label rap music. Just like when you were in junior high school, sleeping on that bed right there behind you. Go ahead, look at your bed. Yep, that’s the same bed you will be sleeping on for the next fifteen years.

So don’t give me that shit about how you don’t have any money to buy any music. Stop lying! And stop huffing paint and drinking expired cough syrup. You are twenty-four years old now. You are too old to still be working as a part-time tele-marketer. Tomorrow you should go get your ass a real job. But today you should spend your allowance on some good music. Think of it this way, tough love never sounded this good…

1) Can’t Tell Me Nothin’ Mixtape – The album of the year was indeed a mixtape and no, Lil’ Wang was not on it.

2) 8 Diagrams – The Wu-Tang > Rock Boys > Dip Shits > Ghey Unit

3) Big Doe Rehab – Does GFK finally make it to the MTV top 5 rappers alive list? Prah’lee not.

4) Underground Kings – R.I.P. Pimp C

5) Graduation – R.I.P. Donda West

6) Red Gone Wild – R.I.P. Redman at Def Jam (so says E Dubbz)

7) Bodega Chronicles – Joell Ortiz is the best 80’s baby rapping, and Lil’ Wang was born in 1979.

8) Reasonable Doubt – This is the album that ‘American Gangster’ makes me want to listen to.

9) Finding Forever – On the sneak tip this joint may end up as a classic.

10) Jesus Price Supastar – Lace up your Timbo work boots, put on your dirty backpack and your headphones with the scotch tape holding one of the earpieces on. This shit is Hip fucking Hop. Now get a fucking job.

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