I doubt that there’s any man who isn’t an ass man at least in the sense that he prefers a woman with a large (-er), firm, well-shaped ass, to a woman with a flat, flabby, misshapen one; but I think the true test of whether a guy is an ass man or a [insert whatever quality you like best in a woman] man is the extent to which a man is willing to put up with, provided a woman has got it going on where it counts.
For example, many black men are willing to get with a broad who’s ridonkulously overweight, or who has problems generating a full, healthy head of hair (a scientist ought to look into whether these two tend to go hand in hand – they certainly seem to), as long as she’s got a huge ass. Where as I’m more of a breast man, in the sense that, I’ll admit: I’m willing to accept a woman with a certain number of “issues” as long as she’s got a nice set of cans.
Ideally, I would only bang broads who look the broads in the kind of pr0n I prefer, but who am I kidding? Regardless of how much a man accomplishes in his life, eventually he’s gonna have to settle. And suffice it to say that I haven’t accomplished much.
The reason I bring this up is because the other day I was in a Barnes and Noble making sure there weren’t any magazines worth copping this month, and I came across this month’s issue of XXL. I don’t generally check for the Eye Candy section (some of those broads are mad skanky – case in point), but I just so happened to land on that page. I took a long, hard look at this month’s photos, for research purposes, and it got me to thinking.
This month’s Eye Candy section is dedicated to a broad named Angel, who’s named the Eye Candy ho of the year for 2007, and looking at her pictures, it occurred to me that she might have the best ass of any of these video hoes evar. Never mind Buffie the Body, who’s got an ass like a Sherman tank. And I’m not even sure what Esther Baxter’s ass looks like, since I can’t stop staring at her boobs. (Priorities, people.) But I seriously doubt it’s as… um, bubblicious as Angel’s.
[Because they actually want you to pay for the magazine, XXL hasn't posted the very best photo from this shoot. Trust me, it's awesome. What they ought to do - and they can feel free to jack this idea and feel free to pretend as if they came up with it on their own - is publish an actual centerfold, like they do in Playboy. That way I can pull it out and pin it up on the wall in Mom's Basement. They don't even do that in KING, do they? The fuck?]
Interestingly enough, in the article accompanying the photos, we learn that there’s been some debate as to whether or not her body is real. For her part, Angel refuses to address these allegations on way or the other, supposedly because she enjoys the controversy. For the sake of journalism, I spent a few minutes study the video of her posted here the other day to see if I could tell what’s going on.
As far as her boobs are concerned, my guess is that they might be fakes, but really good fakes. In the video, you get a pretty good look at her underboob, so to speak, and there doesn’t appear to be any scars. But they do seem incredibly round and firm, even when she’s lying on her back. Even if they are real, you kinda wish they were a bit more average-looking, just so they’d look that much more “real.”
As far as her ass is concerned, I wasn’t aware that broads could get fake asses like that. I mean, I’ve heard of ass implants, but I’ve never actually seen a naked women with ass implants that I was aware of. I’ve had my suspicions about Kim Kardashian, but her recent appearance in Playboy kinda deflated any interest I had in her at all. Literally. (Turns out she was just kinda chubby – not that I’d kick her out of my bed for crackers, I’m just saying.)
At the very least, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some high school graduation pictures-style “after touch” that went into these photos. In the pr0n that I’ve seen with girls who are similarly equipped, their asses are always kinda flabby and indented. In the video of Angel, you never get a very good look at her ass (um, why?), but in the few glances there are, it does seem flabbier than in the photos.
But, like I said, what are you gonna do?