If ever there was a sign that something's gone horribly wrong with today's economy, I'd have to think this is it. Never mind that subprime mess.

No longer content to put a $1,000 set of rims on a $500 car, kids in New York have now begun putting systems on bicycles.

No, really.

See, if I said it. People would just assume I'm making it up, because I'm racist. Fortunately, the New York Times, who also did a story this year on women referring to their vagine as a vijayjay, has seen fit to do a story on this trend. That way you know it's true. Because it's got the white man's co-sign.

I know a lot of you fruits are from New York. Can you all vouch for this? Are kids really riding around with huge-ass Funkmaster Flex-style car stereo systems mounted on the backs of bicycles?

For what it's worth, I've seen old mofos riding around Creve Coeur Lake (which is swarming with Indian people these days - the fuck?) with a tiny radio duct taped to a beach cruiser bumping KLOU 103.3, but that's about it. According to the Times story, the kids doing this out in New York hail from countries like Guyana and Trinidad, where there's some precedent for this sort of thing.

And like all people from foreign countries, they have bizarre, inexplicable taste in music. The main kid in the Times story, for example, chose to ride around bumping "I Don't Want to Lose Your Love Tonight" by the Outfield, perhaps the most obnoxious classic rock song evar. Even if it doesn't sound familiar, chances are you've heard it a million times. It begins, "Josie's on a vacation far away!" Why? No one knows, to this day.

Some of the systems these kids are coming up with are actually pretty impressive, just in terms of the sheer amount of shit they're able to mount onto a bicycle. Here's a description of one kid's system from the Times story.

Stephan Sonnylal, 17, worked on his yellow Mongoose motocross bicycle, bearing a 200-pound system, which features a 50-CD changer bearing a map of Trinidad. It puts out 3,000 watts of power and has three 10-inch speakers, a bank of midrange speakers and two tweeters. It cost $800, he said.

I wonder how much the bicycle itself cost.

Obvious questions raised:

a) How in the fuck are you gonna ride down the street with $800 worth of stereo equipment strapped to a motherfucking bicycle and not expect to get robbed? I knew New York had gotten soft, but I didn't realize it was that soft. No way you could pull some shit like that in some of the worst parts of St. Louis.


b) How long would it take to go deaf riding on a bike like this? It's bad enough riding in one of these damn cars with a tricked out sound system, which were all the rage when I was in high school. I can only imagine what it's like with big-ass speakers mounted right behind your head.

But I guess people from foreign countries are used to listening to ridonkulously loud music, huh TPAR? Don't play dumb.