If I Were President

I hear there’s a vacancy at 825 Worldwide Plaza. And even though my resume hasn’t really been updated in awhile (I’ve been here 8 years!), I got some ideas. Here’s what I’d do if forced to fill Shawn Carter’s shoes.

I’d holla at Hov. Convince him to be my consigliere on the low (Got to know where you’ve been to know where you can go) and press him on a true Roc Dynasty album for next summer.

I’d cut Kanye a big check to take 2008 off as an artist and go back to being a producer. Besides Common, Def Jam gets first dibs.

I’d make Antonio find some kind of clause in the old OutKast contract that would allow Andre 3000 to record for us. Then I’d give him a work ethic for Xmas.

Me, Luda and the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan at Glayds’ in the ATL. Squashing the beef over some fried chicken and waffles. Come and get your soul food niggas!

Bye-bye Redman.

Ditto: Time to show Rick Ross, who’s the boss. Not Tony Danza.

I’d sign Papoose. Why not? You never know.

Janet’s brother too. (I know. A glutton for punishment.)

Industry tip: I’d hire Dart and Riggs away from Shady and Shadow and the other dude from Koch.

I’d make Bow Wow’s bodyguards my own. Gotta have backup when you tell artists the music they just made last night in the studio sucks.

Set up “private” sit down with Rhianna. (Not like that… I mean the missus would stop by latter… I mean) Get your mind out the gutter.

I’d make Ne-Yo give Superhead singing lessons and write her whole album.

Put on more singers. Less rappers. Who needs the headache?

I’d make Khaled my VP. He tickles me.

Remind LL Cool J that no 40 year old as ever made a great rap album.

Cuurrttiiisss! You’re still not happy with Jimmy right?