How Obama became Oprah’s bitch

Oprah Winfrey probably couldn’t run for president herself if she wanted to, though I’m sure it’s crossed her mind, as well as the minds of any number of other people.

I mean, obviously she’s an incredibly accomplished women. She’s got more money than damn near anyone, which is the key for running for any sort of political office these days. And she’s got some truly insane percentage of this country’s middle-aged women pretty much eating out of her hand, spending vast sums of money on all sorts of bullshit just because Oprah said she liked it.

If Oprah Winfrey actually went up to a 45 year-old white woman with some corn in her hand, do you think the woman would get down on her knees and eat some of it? I wouldn’t be surprised. Just think what you could do with that sort of power.

Honestly though, I do think that the real extent of Oprah Winfrey’s influence is overestimated. Yeah, she can get older women to plop down ridonkulous sums of money of refrigerators with flat panel TVs in them and what have you, but you have to wonder: If there was never such a thing as Oprah Winfrey in the first place, would women not still feel compelled to waste money on bullshit?

No, my guess is that if there was never an actual Oprah Winfrey, someone would have invented one a long time ago, what with the sheer number of women in this country over the age of 35 or so. They’ve got their hands on so much money, and yet they’re kinda past the point where they could be of any use to a man. You’d want some sort of fancy refrigerator yourself, if you were in that position.

Also, you have to wonder what Oprah’s real chances of winning a presidential election would be, given that she is, after all, a motherfucking TV talk show host. She’d probably fail miserably, and who knows what effect that would have on her vast multimedia empire.

Of course the reason I bring this up is because I see Oprah Winfrey has gone out on tour to support Barack Obama, and I wonder what kind of effect she might have, if any.

This weekend, while I was working like a Hebrew slave at the BGM, she supposedly gave a speech to a stadium full of mofos out in Iowa about why she’s voting for Obama. I only read about it on CNN, but the gist of it, as far as I can tell, is that she’s voting for him for three reasons: a) because he’s black, b) because he might win, and c) because he’s elected to become her little bitch.

Now granted, she didn’t actually state any of the above outright. But I think it’s obvious, if you read between the lines, that that’s what’s going on.

For example, 2008 is hardly the first presidential election with a potential black candidate; and yet, this is the first time Oprah has elected to throw her considerable weight (heh) behind a candidate, primarily (as I could glean from her speech, and also because what’s the difference otherwise between Obama and any number of people?), because he’s black.

If there’s a difference, it’s that Barack Obama could actually win. He’s still behind by about the same amount he always was in national polls, but some polls in Iowa now have him ahead of Hillary. So he’s got the big mo (the Joementum, if you will) headed into the primaries; and who knows, something bad could happen to Hillary in the next several weeks, and he’d be next in line.

You get the idea that if Barack Obama’s stance on the issues (whatever it is) was the same, but he was doing Little Brother Dennis Kucinich numbers, Oprah would be off somewhere buying leather shoes from racist Italian people. So make no mistake, this is as much about Oprah herself as it is Obama. If she can actually put someone in the White House, imagine what it will do for her own profile.

However, you have to wonder, given a black woman’s ego, if Oprah Winfrey would put her career on the line like that if Barack Obama hadn’t already made it clear to her that he’d be willing to get down on his knees and eat corn out of her snatch, if she told him to.

This was made clear to me earlier this year, when I realized that Barack Obama was actually reading from Oprah Winfrey’s talking points re: hip-hop on the campaign trail, in an incident that caused him to run afoul of Russell Simmons. Fortunately, VIBE magazine was waiting in the wings to help push him over on the hip-hop community in exchange for him appearing on their cover.

Did Oprah Winfrey actually go so far as to call Barack Obama and explain to him his opinion on hip-hop (which, the Senator has actually stated in interviews, he hardly listens to or knows anything about)? I wouldn’t be surprised. Otherwise, why run the risk of pissing off a possible constituency by throwing their culture under the bus? He could have just as easily not said anything at all.

Maybe he was just hoping no one in the hip-hop community would notice or give a shit one way or the other. After all, this is still our chance to make history, even if it does mean throwing in our lot with Oprah Winfrey.

  • Tha Ace

    bol i really don’t give a fuck about oprah or hussien obama

  • Worley

    Yeah, Obama is Oprah’s play on patriarchy. Use the blackish dude to further her white housewife agenda. Anything connected to Oprah is a dud in my book.

  • http://danielmathisen.blogspot.com Daniel

    You’re right on point as usual, Bol. It means a great deal that you bring real life politics into the domains of hip-hop. Who else would’ve?

  • Jeopardy

    The words “Paid for by the Hip Hop 4 Hillary Group” was missing underneath the article.

  • Mr.Wang

    Fuck Oprah! Can’t stand her Hip-Hop hatin ass!

  • moresickaMC

    Oprah n Obama must like hardware because they are such tools.

    50 called her a$$ out…

  • moresickaMC

    You THINK Oprah has power of her white audience but in reality she is just a “safe” black face for them who will do anything if it means white people continue to watch her show n put money in her bra.

  • jeff

    she supports baraack because he is red and she would fuck him if he was single. If manute bol had the same exact platform and background as him, she wouldn’t be endorsing him. I ain’t got nothing against Barack, but people jumped on his bozack as soon as he became a senator. he is lightskinned and safe looking. Even Halle Berry threw on a I SUPPORT BARACK OBAMA T-Shirt. Women think with their pussy and not with their mind. Estrogen.

  • DAAAAYYYUUUUM!!!!

    Okay Bol, you make some ineresting points and I applaud you for not dumbing down your commentary to most of 80s babies who frequesnt this site and don’t have a clue. (They would rather sit at home and play Xbox not even a 360.). But dude you really come off as one who hates the skin he’s in. Not so much in this post but you love to degrade black women. Is your mother not a black woman? What happened in your childhood that made you hate ALL black women. I’m a proud black man married to a black woman. TPAR MFer

    • http://www.myspace.com/sogentllc LowEndofDaChi

      Dumbing down his commentary to 80′s babies instead of for them? How do you dumb down something to a group of people? And what the hell is frequesnt? For you to make such basesless statements about an entire generation, you sure do come off as a fool in the process. Did we even read the same blog? Sure you didn’t comment on the wrong one? Where was the shot taken at black women? Since you say you regularly read these, you still haven’t figured out that they’re written from a satirical standpoint?

      I’m just sayin’.

  • og bobby j

    There all fucking crooked. Who gives a fuck…..this election is like the fucking special olympics…….there all fucking retards.

    • Around and Around

      Gotta agree with OG the system is crooked, if you’re voting for a fucked up system you are just allowing yourself to get fucked.

  • EReal

    Fuck Poloticians and Oprah, they can all blow me backwards.

    1 hunned.

    • EReal

      (no spellcheck) DIP SET! LOL!

      • Africa

        EReal a bitch!

  • ChiTown773

    In response to Jeff’s comment, Barack would be BLUE because hes a DEMOCRAT not RED…JACKASS

    • c. gabi

      just taking a stab in the dark here, chitown773, but I think he meant “red” as in redbone.

      but yea, oprah+obama = modern day traveling minstrel show….coming to a city near you!!!

      • http://www.myspace.com/sogentllc LowEndOfDaChi

        And how is oprah campaigning with obama anything like a modern day minstrel show?

    • Kmac

      As black people we are fucked. A black man or women better not appeal to white people are the black community will begin to call them sellouts. Someone said that Oprah has a minstrel show. Because her show is respected across all race lines does not make it a minstrel show. Oprah gives millions of dollars a year to the black youth to support their academic endeavors which is more than your favorite thug rapper has ever done for the black community. We finally have a chance to have a black president and all everybody wants to talk about is the color of his skin and how he is a sellout. As a whole, we black people are childish and haters. Let a black man or women get a little success and here comes the negative comments.

  • Tyler

    Yo BoL, Go 2 Hell. U are just a hater plan and simple.

  • Marcus

    Ha ha ha, Bol u are an amazing writer, Im a big fan of your shit (no homo) I laughed so hard to this one, so many punchlines, he he…
    Are you gonna vote?

  • 110street

    The people on this site are not ready for this conversation,point blank period,atleast you thought to attempt to try to communicate some knowledge you have.try to stay black bol.you confuse me sometime,but you do make 35 sense out of a dollor most of the time

    • Doobie

      “The people on this site are not ready for this conversation”

      And XXL wants to keep it that way. What the hell? I dropped a comment directly challenging many of Bol’s assertions and it hasn’t posted yet. What’s the deal XXL?

  • http://www.theunderwriters.blogspot.com THE UNDERWRITER

    ^^^^
    They’ve got their hands on so much money, and yet they’re kinda past the point where they could be of any use to a man.

    That was the line that Oprah hated. Ill.

    EARLY PREDICTION:

    Because this Oprah primary support is coming at a great time for him and a very bad time for Clinton and Edwards, Obama will win at least one of the following three presidential caucuses:

    -Iowa
    -New Hampshire
    -South Carolina

    As a result for making the contest interesting and being able to give his half of the black America and white women vote back to Hill-Dog (if she wins the nomination), he’ll either be president or vice-president in 2009.

    Oh yeah, there is that chance that the saltines will get him shot before inauguration day. But what makes that any different than every other day in the life anyway. He might as well go for that number one spot. Somebody should.

    • EReal

      Arent the Caucuses over already? I thot Iowa was at least over… I dunno..

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  • barbarian at the gate

    The Red saltines are looking forward to putting the stomp on all this Liberal crap in 2008.

    Hillary, Obama, or Edwards?

    Good luck, because you’re gonna need all that you can swing.

    • Doobie

      Keep dreamin’ B. And what the hell is up with XXL filtering comments? I can’t imagine what their criteria must be with some of the stuff that actually *does* get posted.

  • EReal

    CHUUUUUUUCHHH! Word to Chad Butler!

  • jeff

    In response to Jeff’s comment, Barack would be BLUE because hes a DEMOCRAT not RED…JACKASS
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    red means lightskinned. fucklet. stop embarassing chicago internet thug.

  • RBMC

    Damn black on black crime at its lowest Fuck all u ignorant bitches who probably don’t even vote.

  • kingequalityvictorious

    hey somebody got to do it all yall hating ass motherfuckas thats why we cant get ahead now crabs in the barrell as niggas yall dont want to see no other black people get ahead unless he or shes making money off of telling black folks to kill each other

  • http://myspace.com/goldenchildllc The Golden Child

    In many ways– Oprah could be considered an antichrist

  • HonestClass

    I like learning from all types of intelligent, honest commentary. This writer seems to be fueled in many areas by jealousy and resentment. The way he criticizes people shows no class and does not touch on anything intellectually valid. This man obviously doesn’t need a blog, he needs a good role model who can mentor him and teach him not to hate himself.

  • Roach Smoker

    I want Ron Paul to win, fuck the rest, at least Ron will get rid of the IRS, I own those mutha fuckas

  • Disgusted reader

    I find this article disrespectful..sure I could not get past the title but its still out of line! How dare you make reference to our President with such distasteful language. Sure we all know that Ms. Winfrey assisted him with the campaign but so what! I think that you really need to reevaluate your life!