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How Obama became Oprah’s bitch

Oprah Winfrey probably couldn’t run for president herself if she wanted to, though I’m sure it’s crossed her mind, as well as the minds of any number of other people.

I mean, obviously she’s an incredibly accomplished women. She’s got more money than damn near anyone, which is the key for running for any sort of political office these days. And she’s got some truly insane percentage of this country’s middle-aged women pretty much eating out of her hand, spending vast sums of money on all sorts of bullshit just because Oprah said she liked it.

If Oprah Winfrey actually went up to a 45 year-old white woman with some corn in her hand, do you think the woman would get down on her knees and eat some of it? I wouldn’t be surprised. Just think what you could do with that sort of power.

Honestly though, I do think that the real extent of Oprah Winfrey’s influence is overestimated. Yeah, she can get older women to plop down ridonkulous sums of money of refrigerators with flat panel TVs in them and what have you, but you have to wonder: If there was never such a thing as Oprah Winfrey in the first place, would women not still feel compelled to waste money on bullshit?

No, my guess is that if there was never an actual Oprah Winfrey, someone would have invented one a long time ago, what with the sheer number of women in this country over the age of 35 or so. They’ve got their hands on so much money, and yet they’re kinda past the point where they could be of any use to a man. You’d want some sort of fancy refrigerator yourself, if you were in that position.

Also, you have to wonder what Oprah’s real chances of winning a presidential election would be, given that she is, after all, a motherfucking TV talk show host. She’d probably fail miserably, and who knows what effect that would have on her vast multimedia empire.

Of course the reason I bring this up is because I see Oprah Winfrey has gone out on tour to support Barack Obama, and I wonder what kind of effect she might have, if any.

This weekend, while I was working like a Hebrew slave at the BGM, she supposedly gave a speech to a stadium full of mofos out in Iowa about why she’s voting for Obama. I only read about it on CNN, but the gist of it, as far as I can tell, is that she’s voting for him for three reasons: a) because he’s black, b) because he might win, and c) because he’s elected to become her little bitch.

Now granted, she didn’t actually state any of the above outright. But I think it’s obvious, if you read between the lines, that that’s what’s going on.

For example, 2008 is hardly the first presidential election with a potential black candidate; and yet, this is the first time Oprah has elected to throw her considerable weight (heh) behind a candidate, primarily (as I could glean from her speech, and also because what’s the difference otherwise between Obama and any number of people?), because he’s black.

If there’s a difference, it’s that Barack Obama could actually win. He’s still behind by about the same amount he always was in national polls, but some polls in Iowa now have him ahead of Hillary. So he’s got the big mo (the Joementum, if you will) headed into the primaries; and who knows, something bad could happen to Hillary in the next several weeks, and he’d be next in line.

You get the idea that if Barack Obama’s stance on the issues (whatever it is) was the same, but he was doing Little Brother Dennis Kucinich numbers, Oprah would be off somewhere buying leather shoes from racist Italian people. So make no mistake, this is as much about Oprah herself as it is Obama. If she can actually put someone in the White House, imagine what it will do for her own profile.

However, you have to wonder, given a black woman’s ego, if Oprah Winfrey would put her career on the line like that if Barack Obama hadn’t already made it clear to her that he’d be willing to get down on his knees and eat corn out of her snatch, if she told him to.

This was made clear to me earlier this year, when I realized that Barack Obama was actually reading from Oprah Winfrey’s talking points re: hip-hop on the campaign trail, in an incident that caused him to run afoul of Russell Simmons. Fortunately, VIBE magazine was waiting in the wings to help push him over on the hip-hop community in exchange for him appearing on their cover.

Did Oprah Winfrey actually go so far as to call Barack Obama and explain to him his opinion on hip-hop (which, the Senator has actually stated in interviews, he hardly listens to or knows anything about)? I wouldn’t be surprised. Otherwise, why run the risk of pissing off a possible constituency by throwing their culture under the bus? He could have just as easily not said anything at all.

Maybe he was just hoping no one in the hip-hop community would notice or give a shit one way or the other. After all, this is still our chance to make history, even if it does mean throwing in our lot with Oprah Winfrey.

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