Have black men failed black women?

We should all be concerned about the state of black women’s relationships, if not because we genuinely give a shit about the fact that most black women will die poor and lonely, then because we don’t know what effect this is gonna have on the rest of us. Could there have been a Don Imus incident if there weren’t so many single mothers in this country crying themselves to sleep at night? These bitches are gonna fuck around and bankrupt hip-hop just because they can’t find anyone to be with.

The reason I bring this up is because I just saw a few segments of this series NBC Nightly News is running called African American Women: Where They Stand. It’s been running all week long, and I figured I might not catch any of it, but then I stumbled upon a link to the segment about the dating woes faced by black women just now and I watched about 20 minutes of it. I was perusing a few of these blogs run by members of The Oprah Lobby, and that shit was linked to all over the place. Those motherfuckers are up in arms!

(Tonight is actually the segment on hip-hop’s effect on black women, which I’m sure will just be fantastic. But I’m not gonna be able to catch it, because I’m going out of town in a little bit.)

Which is surprising, actually, given what I’ve seen and read of the series. At the very least, I think you could say it was presented with a level of professionalism, which I think we all know isn’t always the case when it comes to media depictions of black folks and our issues. BET, anyone? I’m just saying. It seemed like the entire series was delivered from the perspective of a bourgeois, middle-aged black woman, but I wasn’t even sweating that as much. They could have brought on Michael Eric Dyson, for the sake of equal time, but what difference would it have made, really?

Overall, I’d say the depiction of black women was very positive, and – proud black man that I am – I’m willing to admit that this was fairly warranted. As mentioned in the bit called “Booming in business,” black women are starting their own businesses at record rates, and you fruits know I advocate a black person owning his own business, even if it’s a woman. The main issue that’s been raised with the series in general is that so many of the successes and failures of black women are presented in relation to the failures and… um, failures of black men. But I’d say a lot of that’s self-inflicted.

Perhaps because it’s in a woman’s nature to derive her sense of self worth from a man (and I’m sure every woman who ever reads this will pretend to disagree), women tend to view every aspect of their lives in terms of how it relates to men. Which is why, I’m assuming, so much of this series has had to do with why black men don’t achieve in education at the same level of black women, and why professional black women have such a hard time finding a man with a comparable level of income (who would have any interest in them).

If the tables were turned, and black men were doing remarkably well and black women weren’t (I know, science fiction), I seriously doubt that there would be films and countless articles and segments on the nightly news during a motherfucking war about successful black men not being able to find successful black women. Newsflash, ladies: most men who are well-educated and who have achieved a modicum of success in their careers don’t get nearly as much pussy as they might definitely deserve, “successful” or otherwise. But you know what? They (read I) learn to deal with it. Why do you think there’s so much pr0n on the Internets?

Of course one of the many differences between a man and a woman is that women bear the burden of child-rearing. It’s only right, then, that a women would seek to have a man in her life, to share some of that burden. And in that sense, you can see why it wouldn’t be quite as vital for a man to have a woman around, though he’d certainly like one, especially on some of these cold winter’s nights! Also, a woman might add, since a woman is entitled to bear children, it’s incumbent on a man to do whatever he can to support a woman in this regard. And if he won’t, she will anyway, and she’ll still blame him, regardless of whether he had anything to do with it.

Lest you think I’m bullshitting (because I am sometimes), this is more or less stated outright in a segment of African American Women: Where They Stand. It’s a particularly touching segment, in which the host, Rahema Ellis (sp?!), recounts her decision to adopt a child that looks just like CL Smooth (I think its name is even Corey), despite the fact that she was divorced from her husband. I got a little bit verklempt watching it, and you girls know that all there is is a tiny lump of black coal where my heart used to be.

You have to wonder though, how important is it that a child be raised by two parents? Are black kids turning out all fucked the fuck up because they have one parent instead of two, or because, whatever they’ve got, it doesn’t have a whole lot of money. After all, there’s countries in Europe where plenty of women raise children by themselves, and you don’t see nearly the same issues. So my guess is that the issue might not be that the black man has failed the black woman, but that it just costs so much to raise a child in this country. And contrary to popular opinion, most black women in this country aren’t these world conquering middle management closet lesbians you see on the NBC Nightly News, it’s these bitches I used to see working in the drive thru at White Castle, coming through at 11 p.m. on a school night with a car full of kids and no man, ordering a big-ass bag of trans fat-laden chicken rings.

But you guys know I’m racist like that. What do you fruits think?

  • Rockcity

    Why do you continue to write about things you obviously know nothing about? Seriously ur mom should have made that trip to the clinic.

  • stoneyisland

    Yeah we as black men have failed our women, when we degrade women before the rest of the civilized world (name another race who consistantly degree their women as bitches and hoes)and teach our sons that being a player makes you a man, using those standards yeah we have failed our women, our communities and most important ourselves. The truth hurts like a muthafucka but I have never meet one sista who didnt have at least one story of how some brother fucked her over. Until I meet one I aint changing my opinion. The whiteman is was a brillant muthafucka, he destroyed our self worth by dividing our homes, he made us hate each other more then we hated his oppressive ass.

    • danman25

      I get some of ur points but you got it wrong on some parts there. I know black men have fucked black women over. On the other hand, I have never met a black man who ddnt get fucked over by a sista but i guess it goes both ways. Black folks have a long way to go before we get our shit together but this is something that could be fixed overnight if women would accept that they created the “bitch mentality”.

      • ultrablk

        cosign.

  • N.O. 4 life

    the government has failed the black women by apparently trying to have a african american male genocide by ensuring we have horrible schools consume nothing but poison and brainwash the masses into beliveing they cannot make it

  • Josh

    Ironically, Hot 97 was playing “99 Problems” while I was reading this post.

    No offense.

    I do think that kids need a strong male figure in their life.

    Obviously, plenty of kids turn out fine who were just raised by a woman, but I think that’s more the exception than the rule.

    Especially nowadays, when rappers are failing our children.

    Hip hop has just a strong influence on the youth, that when you grow up with no father-figure around, you tend to look up to celebrities as role models.

    And rappers always seem to be having so much fun running around “making it rain” with half naked stripper-chicks throwing themselves at them in the videos while smoking some blurred out weed and waiving a blurred out nine and whatnot.

    Not to say there’s anything wrong with flaunting your money around strippers while high and waiving a gun, but why not do that in college?

    You see, there have been a decent number of rappers that have gone to college over the years, and chosen rap as their profession.

    But you hardly hear anyone talk about that.

    Instead, it might get briefly mentioned in an article, and not further considered.

    From Kool Moe Dee and Chubb Rock (an Ivy Leaguer!) to Nappy Rootz to David Banner and Little Brother, and Lil’ Wayne (who enrolled in college a couple of years back – did he ever graduate??!?), plenty of rappers are educated, but don’t do the best job in the world of presenting themselves as role models.

    Yes, I know the whole “I’m not a role model” argument, but we need to stop kidding ourselves, and recognzie that kids do in fact try to emulate their favorite rappers.

    The difference between Scarface the Movie and Scarface the rapper, Mr. Carter, is that everyone views Scarface the rapper as a real person, telling real stories.

    Yes, he doesn’t glorify everything, but the point is is that people view music as REAL.

    And movies, for the most part, are viewed as make-believe.

    You never heard about Robert Deniro getting arrested for purchasing Brazilian semi-automatic weapons.

    And while I do agree that the feds/hip-hop cops unnecessarily target hip-hop, there’s only so much of stashing pounds of weed and carrying unlicensed firearms that you can get away with before you start getting arrested.

    Especially when you’re a public figure.

    In any event, I’m way off the subject by now.

    The point is, when you have a good male role model as a kid, you are more likely to have a strong relationship with a woman when you are older. And hence be a better father, and help your child make better decisions, and hopefully send them to college (even on a scholarship), etc etc.

    We can’t all be rappers or ball players.

  • 1,2,1,2….ANDITDON’TSTOP81

    YES HORRIBLY.BUT THEN AGAIN WE AS PEOPLE FAILED A LONG TIME AGO

  • http://xxlmag.com houston’s finest

    well said and well-written

  • grippy

    @stoneyisle
    chi-gi
    Black men haven’t failed black women in the way that popular media would have us believe. Other races DO address their women in derogatory terms, and just about every legit brother you can find has been fucked by some woman. But because black society is matriarchal, the criticism is directed with a female bias. Women are just as responsible for their situation as men.
    In regards to hip-hop and black women, I have to disagree with the Oprahs again. I’m 29 years old, and I have never heard a single rapper say specifically that black women are hoes. But by providing staunch and vocal disagreement, black women are volunteering themselves to be scapegoats. Consider this: if I was to walk into a room full of people and yell “Hey dumbass!”, would you stand up? The person who stands and says “I’m no dumbass” has just volunteered them self as the resident dumbass. Same thing with rap music. Hoes are universal, not just black. Hoe is a derivative of the word “whore” which existed in the English language as a descriptive of certain women looooong before rap music was born. Hip-hop may be perpetuating misogyny, but shouldn’t be treated as if it created it.

  • danman25

    I’m fed up with these angry-ass, lonely-ass bitches trying to destroy our music just cause they got cobwebs in their pussies. What amazes me is that (most) women are completly oblivious to the role they play in creating the bitch ethos. It ain’t like black men woke up one morning and said “fuck dem hoes” for no reason. I respect Pac for making “Wonda Why They Call You Bitch”. Women should blame themselves for why they are called bitches, contrary to what Lord Oprah would have them believe.

  • danman25

    I’m fed up with these angry-ass, lonely-ass bitches trying to destroy our music just cause they got cobwebs in their pussies. What amazes me is that (most) women are completly oblivious to the role they play in creating the bitch ethos. It ain’t like black men woke up one morning and said “fuck dem hoes” for no reason. I respect Pac for making “Wonda Why They Call You Bitch”. Women should blame themselves for why they are called bitches, contrary to what Lord Oprah would have them believe.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chronikill ROX ONE

    “the government has failed the black women by apparently trying to have a african american male genocide by ensuring we have horrible schools consume nothing but poison and brainwash the masses into beliveing they cannot make it”

    just out of curiosity, how does the government ensure that black men (and apparently mot black women or anyone else) ‘consume nothing but poison’?

    I’m also unaware of the government setting up scpecial horrible schools that only black males are attending. You do realize that parents can play a role in a childs education, right?

    I’m getting a strong sense of your embracing the culture of victimhood here.

    The bottom line is that, while by no means the only indictator, growing up in a two parent household where your parents have enough money and time for a child goes a long way towards that child being a productive member of society. And I mean this to be applied across races.

    If you have a child as a broke single parent with an unstable life – what do you think is going to happen??

    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

  • geico lizard

    you are right most black women arent the successful six figure making part time lezbos who never smile so that means most black women are working normal jobs making average amounts of money but successful men date them anyway. the reason the successful black women are complaining about not finding successful men is because they define success as money and black women sometimes refuse to date a man who makes less money than them. there plenty of black men working blue collar 9-5 jobs who also go to church on sunday but black women want a black man who makes as much as they do or more. a black man will pull his car over to talk to a black woman at a bus stop but a black woman wouldnt laugh herself to death if you ask her to date a man who is riding the bus right now because he is saving money for a car or saving money to move to a better place. that report they are showing on tv is just another chance to kick black men around and make black women think white men are perfect and are the answer to real love.

    • Who cares about sorry black men?

      Why should I date a tired, lame, shiftless, lazy black man? I don’t have to. I am not Aquanetta from the projects. I don’t even have to acknowledge those kind of men. So why would I waste my time dating them? Just so I can say am acquainted with this sorry bastard? Yuck! I’ll pass.

  • Doobie

    “Newsflash, ladies: most men who are well-educated and who have achieved a modicum of success in their careers don’t get nearly as much pussy as they might definitely deserve, “successful” or otherwise.

    Crass–but so, so true. It’s hard for me to feel sympathy for these women. It sucks for the good-hearted ones that do deserve sympathy, because they are out there, but I’ve met too many women who fawn over criminals and dead beats and won’t give a decent man the time of day because he’s “too nice”. That shit is seriously pervasive out here. You have to forgo a lot of tang to be a well-educated young black man with no criminal record in this country. And that includes the women in College; I’ve known a great number of black women in top tier schools who are the exact same way. Truth be told, most guys start doing dirt in the street for two reasons: respect of their peers, and attention from females. That shit is fucked up on so many levels, but the roles that so many women play in that shit makes it difficult for me to have sympathy for their situation.

  • bakerboi

    Wow, I must say that a lot of these comment make sense. However, I will say this, we are all to blame and here’s why:
    1. We as blacks have failed each other by allowing a system to dictate how, what and where we should live our lives. These things are inherently coded into our DNA, the white man is surely a force to me messed with, just look at Willie Lynch who after 400-500 years the shit he talks about is in full force!

    2. Society have failed us because thats the way the blueprint was made. Sure, we were freed from slavery and giving a financial opportunity to better ourselves by sharecropping the same land we slaved for, only to get an fraction of what the land and crops where really worth and don’t think for a second that we were freed because they felt sorry for us ad felt we had had enough. It’s a bigger picture to everything in this world.

    With that being said, we as blacks have to get back to the basics. We have to take control of our own shit and make it right. It’s starts in the home and community first. We can’t depend on no one else to do it, the common people have to make a stand because these rappers, sports figures and entertainment folks aren’t. We have to take a stand and let our children know the truth about life as a whole, give it to them raw and rough because when they get out in the world with these white folks they’re going to get it one way or another.

  • Fernando

    This is an odd post coming from Bol. I will say that I went to a school that was about 40/40/20 White/Black/Asian , and the black girls did better in school as a whole that the black boys did.

    The pressure to be cool and be a player seems to be a lot greater than the urge for girls to eff-up and have a kid. I can count maybe 10-20 black guys from my graduating class that went on to do some real sh*t, while all the rest fell into the “must buy rims, must try to rap, must have 3 kids before age 25, and must have myspace pages dedicated to pulling asian girls to work for them” While on the other hand, I run into a lot of black girls I went to school with that pretty much all finished college at some level, and if they do happen to have a kid young, I noticed that they have a real-a$$ job. But then again, I live in Portland where there isnt exactly a huge black population and not a lot of fat old black ladies sitting on porches sweating (ie THE SOUTH).

  • Fernando

    Co-sign Doobie,

    This isnt a white or black thing, but I know plenty of chicks white and black who love themselves some gangster a$$ fools straight out the pen, who can barely read and write. I guess they are looking for some excitement, but as Chris Rock said “Relationships SHOULD BE BORING, the only women in EXCITING relationships are the ones that have some crazy a$$ N!gga standing outside their house with a knife screaming that he loves her……..ooooooohhhh girl, THAT SOUNDS EXCITING”

  • jonathan

    man fuck all this shit nigga! i aint never hear from these black woman again until it ment some money! then these girls get my money and acting like they fucking own the world!! giving shit to fucking rappers fuck that!! goodluck!! had babys by a nigga and didnt even no they was a niggas kids cause they had fucked with so many other dudes didnt bother to find out until it was some billions involved! i can hear all the excuses in the world but that shit is some b.s.!! goodluck!!

  • barbarian at the gate

    You’re right, stoneyisland, it’s all Jim Crow’s fault.

    Hell, throw the Jews into the conspiracy as well.

  • Two Face

    man, i will take me a mixed chick anyday. All Black women want is a check from the child support office. They blame everything on the black male, but how many black women has fucked a black ma trying to do right….many. then when the black woman get a little money we can’t do shit for them. But all the black women run to video shoots to show off they ass and tits then get mad when the word bitch or hoe come up. I cant tell how many of my partners have gotten married to a black woman and then when the financial part gets rough want out or cheat to get out of it. We have done as much as to black women as they have done to us black man.

    • toya

      I don’t why know idiots like yourself have the right to freedom of speech. If a black man wants a woman of any color then fine. Besides anyway, people, including black women are dating outside of their races. So a lot of you mother fuckers, whether you are black or white need to get over your insecurities, grow some balls and be some real men!

  • stoneyisland

    barbarian at the gate says:

    You’re right, stoneyisland, it’s all Jim Crow’s fault.

    Hell, throw the Jews into the conspiracy as well.

    Hold up homey my lawyer, my accountant AND my jewler are all jews:) leave them the fuck out of this:) LOL

  • barbarian at the gate

    Fair enough, but I thought they were everyone’s fallback villains?

    Got to pin the blame on someone, right?

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  • The Spaniard

    “You have to wonder though, how important is it that a child be raised by two parents?”

    Not important at all.

    1 (or 3) parent(s) can raise a child just as well given the proper means and intelligence level.

  • lol

    what are paris hilton, britney spears and lohan doing for white women?

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  • Penelope Rodriguez

    “Perhaps because it’s in a woman’s nature to derive her sense of self worth from a man (and I’m sure every woman who ever reads this will pretend to disagree),”

    ^^^^You’ve made me laugh, Bol! “Pretend to disagree…” LOL

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  • http://www.rizzleworld.blogspot.com allnice

    Damn man, Bol writes a good post and then some of these niggaz start telling on themselves on some woe-is-me-we-hurt-our-sisters-shit. These are the factors that determine a kid’s success in life:

    His parent’s intelligence/abilities
    Money
    Education (once again…money)

    Whether the father is there or not is irrelevant. If the parents are smart, wealthy, and educated, then their kid is most likely going to achieve the same results. If the father leaves, but the kid still gets an education and has money, the kid will most likely grow up to be a success. Men sticking around to raise their kids barely has anything to do with a child’s growth. If the dude is a deadbeat, stupid, and not educated, then it is better that he isn’t there anyway. No one is going to miss him!

    Basically, a large part of our fortune is predetermined before we are born. Black women complain about not having a spouse or boyfriend for purely emotional reasons. They can make do without a dude if they have money and an education. They just take a look at the other races and get upset because white and asian chicks have men around the house…which includes black men.

  • Dan99

    I think your blog is bit too long for the average rap listener, just a food for thought.

  • barbarian at the gate

    ‘Weedcarriers need not apply’

    Has it finally come to that, Bol?

  • Holla

    I have never responded to a blog and on some real shit I didn’t even read this story but I only wanna say one thing: black women (particularly in NYC, my city) don’t know how to act/treat their men. They walk around like you need to lick their asses just to get their attention and then they refuse to act accordingly when you show them that you’re working with something (in the Bedroom, financially and mentally). I play ball overseas and have a black girlfriend but the admiration and attention I get from foreign women is where I learned how a man should be treated. They’ll cook, clean and rub a nigga’s feet without even being asked and when you do request something it’s straight cooperation. If a black man was to receive the proper treatment at the crib MAYBE (but I doubt it) so many of US wouldn’t be dogs.

  • REALTALK

    YOUR MOTHER SHOULD OF ABORTED YOU.

  • Casper

    Don’t compare me to other niggas.. I ain’t failed nobody. It’s them sorry brothers that failed black women

  • mary

    Once again, a show about Black women and how much we suffer because we are waiting for a Black man to come and rescue us. Well, I know quite a few successful black women who aren’t crazy, who don’t care about money, and who don’t want a gangster, some of are married to wonderful black men, but most of whom are single.

    1. Every time there is a story about Black Women and their success it is always turned into a negative. Why does the press always act as if everything we do is in opposition to black men. I got a degree and a job because my mother(who wanted to be a lawyer) never had the same opportunities I did, and encouraged me to further my education. Besides I know plenty of single and successful, white and asian american women who deal with similar issues.

    2. This series never addressed the fact that the leading cause of death for young black women is HIV. This is a huge issue that we are barely talking about. If this was white women it would be on the news everyday (and don’t let the numbers fool you since HIV rates among white women are rising).

    3. Hip Hop is a major influence on young people. They are not taught to think critically so it all becomes so real and even more so when their favorite rapper is arrested. Maybe if we had at least 4 female rappers that got regular airplay (hello Jean Grae, Bahamadia where are you?). Men are taught to degrade and objectify black women at a young age.

    4. Where are the young black leaders? Who are the people in their 20s 30s trying to change things? Where are the mentors? Mayweather is no Ali. The Panthers, Martin, Malcolm, Angela…these were all young people from different backgrounds who tried to make a change for black people. Did crack hit our community that hard? High rates of incarceration, drug abuse, black men are killing each other, no amount of money will protect you. How many white sports stars are killed over the course of a season?

    5. If you think that American society is not set up to for a little bit of psychological warfare you haven’t been paying attention to what this government has done to black people. Forget 40 acres and a mule we should have said free education and health care.

    6. Sure, everyone loves a bad boy. Remember James Dean? Well he is now TI and he is going on trial for buying guns and silencers. His wifey was arrested on drug charges. Black women see the same things black men do, we are conned into the black male masculinity trap just like everyone else. But sometimes I can’t tell a square from a bad boy. Woe is me, I am a successful black man who can’t get a date. With so many single black women out there are you telling me no one wants to date you? What’s your real problem?

  • Quan

    We all have failed black women. It used to be if one of us failed, then we all did. Now we all in this individualistic bullshit, that says if I didn’t do it personally, then it didn’t happen. What about that girl in high school, you fucked and left alone. That fucked up her mind. Any opportunity you had to do right and you did wrong, that fucked that person up. So since you fucked somebody else, and that shit goes around, your shit is fucked up. As soon as we stop bullshitting and help someone other than ourselves, we will continue to fail.

  • The Extreme Diva

    I have heard about this series on a message board,and real talk, I didn’t watch that shit.

    I didnt watch it because I thought it was only more divisive propoganda. Five days later, I learned that i was right. I heard that the reporter doing the story received a mailbox full of complaints about the way BW were potrayed.

    In my opinion, I believe that black people failed each other. Both black men and black women have some fucked up ways. To me, it is not fair for black women to blame black men for self inflicted problems and vice versa.

  • The Extreme Diva

    The problem that these “professional” black women have in relationships is thinking that the same formula that the have been successful with at work is the same formula that is needed for a relationship.

    How many specials and articles that we have to watch or read in order to realize that that mentality is not working.

    In my case, I would not look down on a brotha that have a blue collar job because 1) his paper is legal and 2) maybe he is doing what he loves some people may not like the white collar thing.

    As far as liking thugs, not saying that that is not true but I dont get it. To me, there is nothing wrong with a nice guy w/a backbone and knows how to have fun.

  • mary

    Once again, a show about Black women and how much we suffer because we are waiting for a Black man to come and rescue us. Well, I know quite a few successful black women who aren’t crazy, who don’t care about money, and who don’t want a gangster, some of are married to wonderful black men, but most of whom are single and happy.

    1. Every time there is a story about Black Women and their success it is always turned into a negative. Why does the press always act as if everything we do is in opposition to black men. I got a degree and a job because my mother(who wanted to be a lawer) never had the same opportunities I did, and encouraged me to further my education. Besides I know plenty of single and successful, white and asian american women who deal with similar issues.

    2. This series never addressed the fact that the leading cause of death for young black women is HIV. This is a huge issue that we are barely talking about. If this was white women it would be on the news everyday (and don’t let the numbers fool you since HIV rates among white women are rising).

    3. Hip Hop is a major influence on young people. They are not taught to think critically so it all becomes so real and even more so when their favorite rapper is arrested. Maybe if we had at least 4 female rappers that got regular airplay (hello Jean Grae, Bahamadia where are you?). Men are taught to degrade and objectify black women at a young age.

    4. Where are the young black leaders? Who are the people in their 20s 30s trying to change things? Where are the mentors? Mayweather is no Ali. The Panthers, Martin, Malcolm, Angela…these were all young people from different backgrounds who tried to make a change for black people. Did crack hit our community that hard? High rates of incarceration, drug abuse, black men are killing each other, no amount of money will protect you. How many white sports stars are killed over the course of a season?

    5. If you think that American society is not set up to for a little bit of psychological warfare you haven’t been paying attention from what this government has done to black people. Forget 40 acres and a mule we should have said free education and health care.

    6. Sure, everyone loves a bad boy. Remember James Dean? Well he is now TI and he is going on trial for buying guns and silencers. His wifey was arrested on drug charges. Black women see the same things black men do, we are conned into the black male masculinity trap just like everyone else. Don’t be mad at us if Tupac was fine, said and did bad things, it’s exciting, entertaining, people confuse drama with love, that doesn’t mean some of us don’t want to date a square.

  • LaFaye

    WOW! I always read Bol’s blogs and, as a female (of a certain age LOL) in a mostly male-read blog, I don’t comment often, but I would like to add a thought or two to this post.

    Everyone in this world, black or white or whatever, are individuals with their own thoughts, personalities and characteristics. Most of us, by default, inherit the opinions and ideas of the ones we are closely associated with, but that is not an excuse to define who we ultimately mature to become as human beings. With that being said….

    AllNice,

    I take issue with your comments, because you state them as fact, and they are not. You appear to be writing your comments from a one-sided view. I could give you many examples that would completely debunk your theory about the factors which determine an individual’s success, but I fear that may be a futile effort.

    On the other hand,
    @ Baker Boi:
    I cosign your post. You seem to agree with my opinion that we all must take responsibility for our actions. I raised two children as a single mother and (not to pat myself on the back, but…), I have done a damn good job. A male figure in the house would have maybe made it a little easier, but I could only deal with what I had. I don’t blame their fathers (for you smartasses, yes my boys have different fathers, but my boys are also 7 years apart), I don’t blame black men, and I don’t blame myself. Sometimes circumstance occur that are beyond your control. You simply have to be strong enough to roll with the punches.

    And finally to BOL:

    I’m not ashamed to admit that most of the time (92%)I agree with your opinions (I’ll probably be on TPAR’s sniper list for that one), but anywho…In this post, specifically you stated:

    “Perhaps because it’s in a woman’s nature to derive her sense of self worth from a man (and I’m sure every woman who ever reads this will pretend to disagree), women tend to view every aspect of their lives in terms of how it relates to men.”

    I totally agree. I know that girls are brought up to adore their fathers and think that he’s the greatest man in the world, and when we get married, we want a man just like him. However, and this is arguably a positive or a negative ..many of us dont experience “The Cosby Show” type of father. We spend the rest of our lives looking for a man who could be all that we ever wanted in a father, yet and still we want him to be the best husband, lover and provider in the world. What a fucking disillusion!

    All said and done, I honestly think black men get a bad rap.

    Note: I’m not kissing ass; I’m just stating an honest opinion to a post that touched a nerve in me.

  • lanski

    If there’s ever been a conspiracy to destroy the African American family while simultaneously destroying the brand perception of the stable African American man; I would say this is a perfect example. A little push in the right direction never hurt.

    I don’t believe African American men have failed African American women. It boils down to a conflict of interest; women have whole heartedly brought into the American system, men not so much. The African American male, has yet to come to terms with “working for the man”; but fail to successfully fill the void and are left with the subsequent lack of superficial “success” from not participating in the current structure. The same can be applied to the American Nationalist Eurocentric education system with all of its canons and great European “discoveries” and conquistadors. It seems that as a result of not having any other viable alternative African American women have accepted the system for what it was (is) and began to participate, regardless of previous exclusion, racism and or personal grievances; African American men, not so much.

  • http://www.theunderwriters.blogspot.com THE UNDERWRITER

    Ill…

    People fail themselves. It has nothing to do with the collective state of the black race. You can either have the “somebody will save me” mentality, or you will have the “pull myself up” way of thinking. One of these two mental states will get you nothing, and the other can get you whatever you want if you really believe it.

    The problem is that women – not just black women – tend to believe that men – not just black men – are supposed to be double jointed and toot their asses up to keep a woman happy, just for the sake of saying they have a trophy girl.

    I ain’t going to graduate school for a woman. Nor am I buying a car that women will like, wearing clothes and shoe brands that will attract premium heifers, or even spraying on cologne for a girl who expects me to smell the way she likes. Nor will I offer a woman financial compensation just to give her oral pleasure, like some of you burger-lip dudes like to do on the low. Maybe on the high…

    Either she likes you, or she doesn’t. My luck just happens to be such that, oh, I think they like me, plus I’ve learned that being an asshole (nolo) is much more attractive to women than being a pushover.

    I mean, it’s not like women like the guys who buy roses, balloons, Hallmark cards and pay rent and cell phone bills, now is it? Those are the guys who end up paying for my drinks when a girl comes up to them at the bar asking for two mojitos instead of one. Women like the guys they can’t get anything from, yet always seem to have a good dose of that vitamin D ready to dispense. Like me.

    Get like me.

  • Mary Green

    Once again, a show about Black women and how much we suffer because we are waiting for a Black man to come and rescue us. Well, I know quite a few successful black women who aren’t crazy, who don’t care about money, and who don’t want a gangster, some of are married to wonderful black men, but most of whom are single.

    1. Every time there is a story about Black Women and their success it is always turned into a negative. Why does the press always act as if everything we do is in opposition to black men. I got a degree and a job because my mother(who wanted to be a lawer) never had the same opportunities I did, and encouraged me to further my education. Besides I know plenty of single and successful, white and asian american women who deal with similar issues.

    2. This series never addressed the fact that the leading cause of death for young black women is HIV. This is a huge issue that we are barely talking about. If this was white women it would be on the news everyday (and don’t let the numbers fool you since HIV rates among white women are rising).

    3. Hip Hop is a major influence on young people. They are not taught to think critically so it all becomes so real and even more so when their favorite rapper is arrested. Maybe if we had at least 4 female rappers that got regular airplay (hello Jean Grae, Bahamadia where are you?). Men are taught to degrade and objectify black women at a young age.

    4. Where are the young black leaders? Who are the people in their 20s 30s trying to change things? Where are the mentors? Mayweather is no Ali. The Panthers, Martin, Malcolm, Angela…these were all young people from different backgrounds who tried to make a change for black people. Did crack hit our community that hard? High rates of incarceration, drug abuse, black men are killing each other, no amount of money will protect you. How many white sports stars are killed over the course of a season?

    5. If you think that American society is not set up to for a little bit of psychological warfare you haven’t been paying attention from what this government has done to black people. Forget 40 acres and a mule we should have said free education and health care.

    6. For the squares-Sure, everyone loves a bad boy. Remember James Dean? Well he is now TI and he is going on trial for buying guns and silencers. His wifey was arrested on drug charges. Black women see the same things black men do, we are conned into the black male masculinity trap just like everyone else. Don’t be mad at us if Tupac was fine, said and did bad things, it’s exciting, entertaining, people confuse drama with love, that doesn’t mean some of us don’t want to date a square.

    • Doobie

      “Sure, everyone loves a bad boy. Remember James Dean? Well he is now TI and he is going on trial for buying guns and silencers. His wifey was arrested on drug charges. Black women see the same things black men do, we are conned into the black male masculinity trap just like everyone else. Don’t be mad at us if Tupac was fine, said and did bad things”

      Uh, I hope by “everyone” you mean women of other races, then yes I agree. I’m sure men didn’t like James Dean because he was a Bad Boy anymore than we like Pac because he was a supposed Bad Boy. We like Pac because he spoke some real shit. Only women and weak minded dudes who need another dude to be their leader would like someone because he’s a “bad boy”. Black men aren’t conned into a black “masculinity trap”. We level with each other on some real shit, we put up that front with women, that Underwriter post goes into detail as to why. And nobody is mad, were just saying that ya’ll need to shut the fuck up with that not fucking with us unless were no good men and then complaining about us being no good men. That shit is retarded.

    • Doobie

      And another thing, I have my suspicions about why it is that the rate of AIDS is so high among black women, and it isn’t because of “down-low” brothers as (I believe) Pimp C proposed. If that were the case, then the rate would be equally high or higher among black men. Go into poor and predominately black neighborhood in America, and your likely to find 10 chicks with babies by the same knucklehead head dude that’s in and out of jail all the time, and that stays out bangin in the street. Imagine all the women that he had unprotected sex with that he *didn’t* get pregnant. Being enamored with dudes that exhibit the most reckless behavior could be what’s unfortunately leaving a disproportionately large number of black women with HIV.

  • concerned hater

    black women is queen beautifuls.. as the french say: Point final.

  • Hater numero uno

    Honestly, I try not to think about this shit. It’s kinda stupid to hold yourself personally responsible for other people’s actions just because they have the same skin color as you. This is nothing more than modern day tribalism.

    I hate when people say ‘us’ as a community or ‘our’ problem. First off, I don’t have any problems. I like to read because knowledge is power and I’ve learned that no matter how much you want to help someone by telling them the right steps to self improvelement, they are not going to help themselves until they are ready and even worse, they will start to hate you for telling them this stuff.

    It’s a no win situation really. Until people are ready to individually better themselves, nothing is going to happen. The only person that can help you is yourself; nobody is going to raise your kids for you, nobody is going to come to the rescue, as a matter of fact, people are so engulfed in their own problems, it’s morally presumptious to think they will even care about your probolems.

    Until then, we’ll continue having these silly specials and editorials about ‘our’ problems. I have to put the following disclaimer in because from this post alone, people will want to box me in a corner. I’m not on of these ‘pull yourself up by the bootstraps’ right wing conservative. Nothing can beat structured racism and we do have less opportunities than white, but the bottom line is you can do 2 things. Either give up, or get up and keep swinging.

  • JAY STONE

    Damn UNDERWRITTER that`s some real shit!!!!

  • kingequalityvictorious

    lets face it we are all fucked up as a people period how could we spend the most money in this country and be the poorest we dont sick together or help each other out we cant even agree on shit on this site we buy new whips and brag about going to the rim shop buy a new whip and have your pwn driveway to park it in first people. We can blame the powers to be look at the shit they trying to program our communities with your average cat dont even understand the government already infultrated most of our shit anyway so even those of us that think we are in charge are carrying out the powers that be agenda anyway thats right dumbasses yall niggas thats banging the O G nigga that got all yall souped the fuck up is prob an undercover federal agent they been breaking shit down way before the days of martin and malcom

  • Flymasta

    I DON’T THINK BLACK WOMEN ARE THE MOST DEGRADED WOMEN ON THE PLANET BUT IT IS THE MOST SHOWN ON TELEVISION WHICH IS WHY PPL STEREOTYPE US. REDNECKS BEAT THEIR WIVES/SISTER/AUNTIE ON OCCASION WHEN THEY GET DRUNK WHITE BUSINESS MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES WITH SECRETARIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST A WOMAN WITH AN OPINION GET KILLED OR IGNORED. AT LEAST IN THIS COUNTRY OUR WOMEN HAVE OPINIONS AND IM NOT RACISTS BUT WHITE WOMEN ARE BIGGER SLUTS THAN BLACK WOMEN.

    YOU CAN’T FAULT MEN FOR LUSTING FEMALE FLESH ON OCCASION AND I KNOW PPL HEARD THIS SAYIN “A WOMAN DEGRADES ANOTHER WOMAN BEFORE A MAN DOES” WHICH IS WHY I THINK WOMEN LET THEMSELVES BE DEGRADED ESPECIALLY FOR MONEY

  • http://newscholarshipsformoms.blogspot.com/ cindy

    Great read. 1st visit to this website. It looks like you know your info. I appreciate you for sharing. I must bookmark this site. I am very interested in the World financial aid situation. I really believe that the United States economy is getting better. I guess we will soon find out. Until next time!

  • Missy

    I believe everyone will form an opinion about this article. I feel Black man have failed themselves. We can sit here and blame White America about the issues among Black people, honestly Black men, you can’t blame white people forever. When Black women don’t live our lives in the fashion they you feel we should, Black men are quick to pinpoint her short comings and offer suggestions on how to remedy the problem. When Black men lack consistency, you blame the “White Man”. As a woman of color, we would greatly appreciate our Black men to “man up”, “grow up”, and “take responsiblity for your conduct in our society”, “show accountabilty and responsibility” We understand that you are human, and you will make mistakes, but when you continue to make the same mistakes and not learn from them, how do you intend to ever have better relationships?