On evenings when I’m not working like a Hebrew slave at the BGM (this holiday season has been especially aggravating, if not particularly busy), I like to crack open a six pack of Bud Light and spend a few… hours or so surfing the Internets for pictures of women I wouldn’t mind having sex with. Every once in a while, I’ll stumble upon a cool website or an interesting article that I’ll set aside to maybe do a story on at a later date. But the other day, I stumbled upon what was easily one of the coolest sites I’ve ever been to. I figured I’d definitely do a story on it.
The name of the site is These Are Powerful Hours, and it offers, according to its own description, “artisinal power hour mixes for the discriminating binge drinker.” In other words, hour-long custom soundtracks for doing a Power Hour or, as we used to call them out in Chicken Switch, MO, the Hour of Power.
A Power Hour, in case you never heard of it, is a drinking game in which you do a shot of beer every minute for an hour. At the end of an hour, you will have drunk about seven and a half beers and you’ll be good and shitty, even though most people, myself included, can drink way more than seven and a half beers during the course of an evening. The thing is, drinking seven and a half beers in such a short period of time gets you way more drunk than you would get from drinking 20 beers over the course of five hours. I should know. That happened to me a few weeks ago.
I tried the Century Club once in college, which is the same concept but with 100 shots over the course of 100 minutes, but I don’t think I for real qualified to join the club, as it were. As I recall, I drank more than the amount of beer necessary to complete the task (about 10), because I had a 12 pack anyway, but sitting there staring at the clock waiting to take your next drink gets to be a pain in the ass, especially once you get about halfway through. Even though there’s only a minute in between each drink, it’s easy to forget what you’re doing. Or where you are, for that matter. If only there was a such thing as These Are Powerful Hours when I was in college.
Last night, I did a Power Hour to Powerful Hour’s Ghostface mix called, Bulletproof Birthdays: Ghost Hour, Sign of the Power. There also mixes by Prince and Steely Dan that I thought were mad tempting, but I figured for the sake of journalism I should go with one of their rap mixes. And since this site is obviously run by hipster cracka-ass crackas, I was only left to choose from the Ghostface mix, a Dipset mix, a Timbaland mix, and a Hyphy mix. Obviously the Timbaland mix and the Hyphy mix were out of the question. I seriously debated doing the Dipset mix, since a Power Hour is such an ign’ant pursuit in the first place, but I’m just not gonna listen to 60 Dipset songs in a row unless I absolutely have to. Like if a girl told me she’d blow me.
So, how was it? Honestly, not that bad. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that doing a Power Hour to a custom mix of Ghostface records is the best way you can spend an evening that doesn’t involve a woman. And it’s way cheaper to boot. Of course your mileage may vary. A man of my stature, I can’t even get much of a hangover drinking beer. And I should note that my Acceptable Use Policy with XXL doesn’t allow me to promote anything that might be illegal. So I’m gonna have to insist that no little kids try this, even though I’m not aware of any laws barring kids from doing a Power Hour, provided it’s cool with their parents. If it’s not illegal per se for a kid to have a drink, then why shouldn’t a kid be able to drink himself half to death? TPAR?