The Race To The Bottom…
Between artists no longer being able to remember lines to songs and being proud of this fact and Diddy smacking the shit out of another clubgoer, we have this most recent parade of rappers being arrested for shit that is decidedly NOT smart dumb rapper shit. Clifford ‘T.I.’ Harris is the latest casualty of the rap music race to the bottom. Why the fuck T.I. needed a shitload of guns in his possession will be examined and discussed in the next few weeks. Because I’m a blogger and I don’t do much else other than sit around in my mom’s basement and hit up free pr0n websites I have the free time to think about the reasons why one of Atlanta’s most popular pop music icons would be building a private arsenal on his palatial compound. Guess what bitches?! Yep, it’s another list.
1) Research for the ‘American Gangster’ sequel titled ‘African-American Hitman’. How ridiculous is the idea that some Black dude was running a narcotics operation that netted millions of dollars without any white hands getting paid trillions. Keep in mind that Blacks don’t harvest poppy or coca leaves, nor do they own the manufacturing systems that refine narcotics into a usable product. Blacks don’t even own the factories that make the tiny little baggies or the vials that couldn’t hold anything usable but drugs. Blacks are the last stop on the chain and it ain’t like white isn’t counting every single ounce. You ever see the ledgers they maintained during the Atlantic Ocean chattel trade? White knew exactly how many niggers he was getting for a barrel of rum and several canes of sugar.
2) Staging a Civil War re-enactment with live weapons and ammunition. Who knew T.I. was such a history buff? It could be that he was just putting together a high school production of the battle at Shiloh with some Gwinnett County teenagers and instead of using those crappy old muskets from the 1800’s he decided to give the production an updated feel with assault rifles and handguns equipped with silencers. Instead of arresting dude people should be giving him credit for pursuing a realistic angle in this re-enactment. Kids should be given real firearms if you are going to teach them how to pose for pictures pointing the guns at the camera and scowling.
3) Arming the Ugandan rebels in order to overthrow the dictatorial regime in that African nation. The higher purpose that T.I. had for buying all those firearms was really to spread democracy throughout Africa. After watching the Leonardo DiCaprio movie ‘Blood Diamond’ T.I. was inspired to help the Ugandans and Sudanese and the Eritreans obtain their independence from foreign oil or some shit like that. Listen, I don’t know nor do I give a fuck about that shit that is going on in Africa, but maybe T.I. does so don’t hate the man for trying to reconnect with his African brothers.
4) T.I. was just keeping his shit extra Hip-Hop and ordered all those guns from XXL magazine owner Harris Publications related websites.
5) T.I. needs all those guns to defend his bowtie collection. In the latest Complex magazine T.I. admitted to spending over a million dollars a year on clothing including 100K annually on handmade silk bowties. Don’t hate T.I.’s southern dandy steez. Blame it on Tip. Take that Fonsworth Bentley.
I can’t imagine any other reason that an entertainer would need to be purchasing military class assault rifles equipped with silencers, but I sure am happy I didn’t review his trainwreck of an album this summer. If I had I would definitely be watching my back.
BTW, all cRap Music Fantasy League label owners with T.I. net a cool 300 points for his arrest as opposed to only 100 points for his appearance on the B.E.T. Hip-Hop awards show. Whack entertainment network stays losing.