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The First Annual XXL Mag Dot Com Hip-Hop’s Sub Genre Awards…

I haven’t complained too tough about the awards given out by VH-1 for their Hip-Hop Honors program because I think that Hip-Hop deserves all the kudos that it can get. From whoever wants to give it. Now with that being said I did raise my eyebrow slightly when I saw that New Jack Swing was being hailed for a Hip-Hop Honor award. Where exactly does New Jack Swing fall in the history of Hip-Hop music? I guess I will have to wait for Jeff Chang to tell me the story. The funny thing to my mind is that Teddy Riley’s most popular song, ‘Rump Shaker’, wasn’t even produced by T.R. It was actually produced by Virginia Beach’s greatest producer(s) – The Neptunes.

So as I recall it, New Jack Swing was essentially R & B music that featured some verses from a rapper in order to make it marketable on radio formats. Not so much Hip-Hop in as much as one of the many things that has exploited Hip-Hop for profit. Something like that Fruity Pebbles commercial where barney Rubble spits that sick sixteen. For arguments sake, and frankly, I only write here at XXL Mag Dot Com to argue with you folks (cue; Dr.Flav, TPAR, content, LOL) let’s call New Jack Swing a sub-genre of Hip-Hop. With that established here is another list of sub-genres of Hip-Hop that are certainly memorable, if not honorable…

Shout Rap – Remember Naughty By Nature, Leaders Of The New School, Onyx? Remember those rap groups that accentuated the ends of their verses by shouting the last word in unison? Shout rap was anthemic and energetic, plus it gave us that dance that everyone did when they spit their own rhymes. You know that dance that Treach did where he extended one arm and raised one leg? Shout rap was the shit.

Fast Rap – Fast rap was short lived as a sub-genre, but Twista still carries along the tradition of using more than two million words in each of his songs. I hope that dude gets paid by the word and not by the song because otherwise he needs to slow that shit up. Also, I was a big fan of Das EFX and anything I can do to get them fools some more work is what is up with me.

House Music Rap – If you are older than thirty five or from the Chi then you know your ass was listening to house music. Where do you think all the African medallions migrated to with the dissolution of the OG X-Clan? House music rap was prah’lee the precursor to all the teh gheyness that populates rap music now. House music was only listenable if you were high on narcotics. I would never advise ANY of you to take narcotics. Drugs are bad kids, mmm’kay?! [using Mr. Mackie voice].

Harmony Rap – I admit to buying the D.R.S. ‘Gangsta Lean’ album. Them niggas was sick with their harmonizing spit. Okay, I was prah’lee high during this point in my life also. Dismiss this category.

Crunk Rap – Weedcarriers and hypemen unite! True story is that Conan O’Brien trademarked the word Crunk as an expletive that the censors wouldn’t be able to stop. Little did he know that he simultaneously birthed a sub-genre of Rap that would be nearly unstoppable. That was until everyone realized that Lil’ Jon was actually a hypeman and not even rapper himself. Yeeeeeeah!

Foreign Language Rap – This is America! Learn English!

Nursery Rhyme Rap – If rap music is ever going to be used as a tool to teach children important social aspects who better to be the teachers of infants than those with minimal reading abilities themselves?

Whore Rap – With everyone blaming AIDS rampant rise in the Black community on clandestinely homosexual Black males it has allowed whore rap and it’s followers to exist under the radar. How fucked up is the music industry if you have to keep whoring after you have secured a record deal?

Listenable White Rap – This sub-genre kind of begins and ends with Eminem.

There are thousands of millions more sub-genres in Hip-Hop and I think we should take a moment to big them all up, or maybe not.

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