A male Superhead?

I suppose it was only a matter of time before one of these book companies found a guy who fucked a lot of famous bitches and paid him to write a book about. It’s just too bad it had to be motherfucking Ray J.

Of course I’m jealous, not so much because he once banged Kim Kardashian (I like my white chicks white, thank you very much), but because it’s always been a dream career of mine to have sex with beautiful women and then write stories about it - even before I heard about this Ray J book.

I figure I’m already half-way home, having become a fairly prolific writer of stories. Now all I’ve got to do is work on the fucking part. Even if I can’t pull trim on the same caliber as Ray J, I should be able to spin some good stories from it. I just need to work on the overall quantity.

For the three ladies who still read this site, you might want to holler at your boy. If you get in line early, I might be able to get you some points on my upcoming memoir, Tales from My Mother’s Basement. It’s sure to be a bestseller.

And yes, I realize that would more or less constitute paying for it, but whatever. Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Not that I’d be proud of it or anything, but I’ve already done my share of things that I’m not proud of, and I’m only 26. (Just like Ray J, interestingly enough.)

Speaking of which, it’s not like eleven hundred women fucked Ray J just because they liked guys with tiny mustaches. In fact, I’m not even sure what’s worse: having eleven hundred bitches fuck you for $50 a throw, or whatever the going rate is out in LA; or having eleven hundred bitches fuck you because your sister used to be famous.

I suppose the latter would be less costly, but I’m sure there’s a certain satisfaction in knowing that you earned the money that you then use to convince a woman to have sex with you. It speaks to a man’s deepest sense of himself biologically, where as I’m sure the former would be somewhat emasculating, though still satisfying on a level most of us will never experience. (Let’s face it.)

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, that’s not even a typo. That figure comes straight from the story at BV Newswire, who broke the story about the Ray J memoir in the first place.

To wit:

The BV Newswire has exclusively learned that Ray J is in the final stages of completing his memoir, tentatively titled ‘Sex Machine.’

[...]

Tales of having sex with more than 1,100 women will definitely raise eyebrows for the 26-year-old heart-throb who has been romantically linked to Whitney Houston, Lil’ Kim and fellow author Karrine Steffans (a.k.a. Superhead).

I know, there’s something just not right about the fact that 1,100 women would spread their legs for a guy who’s famously primarily only for being Brandy’s little brother, even if that figure is inflated by orders of magnitude. It’d be disheartening even to know that eleven women fucked that piece of shit.

Which is not to say that I’m definitely not going to read the book or, hopefully, find a way to read it without contributing to this douche nozzle’s bottom line. My plan right now is to submit for a copy for review, since I am somewhat of a journalist and I have written my share of book reviews.

If that doesn’t work I might just shoplift a copy from Barnes & Noble, but don’t tell anyone. I seriously doubt that either my mom or the tIs at Harris Publications would be willing to put up the money it would take to spring my ass from the joint. And that would be snitching anyway, right?

At any rate, what I’ll do is: I’ll read it and then I’ll excerpt all of the good parts here so that no one else has to read it. I know I’m kinda interested in hearing about banging a crack-addled Whitney Houston myself.

  • Fire

    This post had a lot of funny shit in it. Made me laugh the whole way through.

  • og bobby j

    good shit….I cant wait to see how TPAR claims that Ray J is exploiting women….fucking fagget

  • ddubbzz

    Ha..yea TPAR is probably fuming at the keys right now…fuck them hoes yo

  • Ryan

    You’ve been on a roll lately, this shit was great. I feel like I’d somehow become dumber from reading that Ray J book though……….

  • TripleX

    1100 WTF!!!!! But then again, if he started at lets say age 12. That’s 14 years. 80 Chicks a year. 7 Per month. I can believe that.

  • rich arte

    Ray J can’t spell eleven hundred…

    Bol is comic relief (and I’m just talkin about his picture) but the drop was kinda funny. No one wants to hear about Ray-J’s sexcapades with Celebrity z-listers…

    (an excerpt from Bol’s book)
    “…as she got undressed, I noticed her underarm hair was wild and rampant, and once the thong came off, the room was fumigated with a fishy scent. I figured what the hell, this has to be better than an ashy palm….
    33 seconds later my mom walks down and asks what all the commotion was and why i was sweating so bad; it’s a good thing I finished 29 seconds ago…”

    and here comes tpar with his dictionary and briefcase, waiting to unload a verbal barrage against a defenseless Bol…

  • LaFaye

    Bol says

    “For the three ladies who still read this site, you might want to holler at your boy. If you get in line early, I might be able to get you some points on my upcoming memoir, Tales from My Mother’s Basement. It’s sure to be a bestseller.”

    Watch your mouth. I just may take you up on your offer. LOL.

    I enjoyed the funny post. BTW, Ray J looks like a walking STD who is constantly scratching himself undercover; I don’t think I’d even want to touch anything he has written, let alone read. I’ll wait for your excerpts BOL.

  • Boner Jams 03

    Ray j exploited those girls who willing had sex with him..he subjugated and relegated them to nothing but inanimate objects to be used solely for his physical pleasure….

    ^^That’s my TPAR impression….fuckin pussy

  • Lorin

    If he started screwing at 16, he’d have to fuck at least three women a day to reach that 1100 figure by 26. If this were actually true, imagine how much ass an actually talented person would get?

  • Doobie

    That just shows you that A LOT of women didn’t get the memo about this feminist rhetoric bullshit that’s hijacked virtually all facets of this society in the past couple of decades. I saw that Ray J video that he did with Kim Kardashian and that was some seriously weak fuckin’ (no homo).

    Ryan said: “You’ve been on a roll lately, this shit was great. I feel like I’d somehow become dumber from reading that Ray J book though……….”

    Ditto!

  • LowEndofDaChi

    All these unfunny comedians in the comment section…Wow…

    Good shit Bol. Dude has to have some kind of disease by now though, 1100 women? To be honest, once you’ve made it to the 20′s, who even really keeps count?

  • Maxman

    i look forward to seeing the posts where you excerpt the good parts. man i hope that guy has aids or herpes, theres gotta be someway to make this fair.

  • http://www.xxlblocktalk.com/EReal EReal

    October 4th, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    Bol is comic relief (and I’m just talkin about his picture)

    (an excerpt from Bol’s book)
    “…as she got undressed, I noticed her underarm hair was wild and rampant, and once the thong came off, the room was fumigated with a fishy scent. I figured what the hell, this has to be better than an ashy palm….
    33 seconds later my mom walks down and asks what all the commotion was and why i was sweating so bad; it’s a good thing I finished 29 seconds ago…”
    ^^^
    L M F A O

  • The Surrealist

    This was funny, but forreal, forreal, laced with envy and haterism.

    Bol, I know it’s your job, but you know you bullshittin dawg. You know if Kim Kardashian was offering that you’d hit.

  • DaRyder

    LOL!! Funniest shit eva, so many classic Bol lines,
    “Of course I’m jealous, not so much because he once banged Kim Kardashian (I like my white chicks white, thank you very much)”,
    “For the three ladies who still read this site, you might want to holler at your boy. If you get in line early, I might be able to get you some points on my upcoming memoir, Tales from My Mother’s Basement. It’s sure to be a bestseller.”

    -Dawg, u need to get some serious money out of your writin, u r a fuckin comedic genius, go get that papper dude!!!!

  • dub

    bol has been on fire lately

  • fred

    It’d be disheartening even to know that eleven women fucked that piece of shit.Bol youre the best!hahahahaha
    http://www.myspace.com/thebayliens

  • http://www.xxlblocktallk.com/EReal EReal

    Lorin Says:

    October 4th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
    If he started screwing at 16, he’d have to fuck at least three women a day to reach that 1100 figure by 26. If this were actually true, imagine how much ass an actually talented person would get?
    ^^^
    HUH? Okay, lets do the math. 1100 in ten years. thats 110 per year. thats actually one every three days which is a reachable goal. Especially when you can pop off two at the same time. (I see you Too Short!)

    Bol hasnt even had ONE woman in his lifetime. At least one that would admit to being with him, ROFLMFAO.

  • Around and Around

    Do the math he’d have to bang one female a day for 3.013 years in order to hit 1100 females. And statistically 1 in 5 Americans have an STD, so that means 220 of those girls he slept with had an STD.

    And that doesn’t even take into consideration him banging OG Bobby Johnson and Fernando’s Moms…that’s like Ebola right there.

  • Og Bobby j

    Hey A n A you must be happy….Ray J might be your pops……its either him or tpar

  • Around and Around

    OG Bobby J I wouldn’t fuck your mom with Ray J’s dick

  • These Bloggers Are Gays

    Why are these gay bloggers OG and A&A and all them constantly bickering like females back n forth? What are you lil homo SOHH transplants. Since you’ve been on these blogs the IQ has dropped like 20 points. Yall must be in love with each other since you cant stop talkin about each other. Ya Gays.

    peace-TBAG

  • http://www.xxlmag.com/?p=14466 Jay

    Do the math he’d have to bang one female a day for 3.013 years in order to hit 1100 females.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    but dont forget there are guys out there who get pussy more than once a day.. im not even famous n i get more than one pussy a day sometimes so i mean thats not counting that but he musta been with sum smucks in order for that 2 happen i mean im sry n i like pussy as much as the next straight man but theres things called HIV AND FUCKIN DISEASES!!! i dont think bitchs r worth a disease so u can be considered a pimp

  • Tray

    Ray J sounds like Mickey Mouse when he talks, I don’t get it.

  • Og Bobby J

    A n A Yea but I bet you would fuck my dad…..fagget

  • Tyler

    Good Shit BoL, but U gotta give ‘dat boy Props on bangin’ “Kim da booty K” dawg even tho shes a whore I would send the Lizard into her anus 2 take a peek around but only wit’ his wetsuit ya’ dig.

  • Around and Around

    @ TBAG was I talking to you? Stay in your lane bitch.

    TBAG is what little crackers like you do….I potato sack

  • derfla

    How is he the male Superhead? while superhead actually banged famous people. ray gay maybe banged seven or eight famous people which means the remainind 1082 broads where hood rats.

  • May

    “For the three ladies who still read this site, you might want to holler at your boy. If you get in line early, I might be able to get you some points on my upcoming memoir, Tales from My Mother’s Basement. It’s sure to be a bestseller.”

    ^^^^^^Eh…No thanks. I’ll definitely pass.

  • CHICAGO PaPii

    Bol you are a Nut, but, dude you are totally fucking funny! Dude you should go into Stand-Up Comedy maybe then you could “score” with those large quanities of females like “Mr. SuperHead”, which brings me to another point, doesn’t anybody EVER ask Karrine or Ray-Gay if they EVER had a HIV Test? I mean damn I figure that at least %75 of California then slept with these two from there sleeping with eachother and sleeping with various Slutty Celebraties. Karrine was on The Jamie Foxx Serius Satelite Radio Show “FoxxHole” and she sounded real “Low-Class”, Golddiggerish and Trifling,hmm, I wonder if she is a “Stud” like Missy Elliot? Because of the way she demeaned the Male(Jamie Included) with her nasty rants of calling them “Bitch Niggas” and labeling Jamie Foxx a “Fag”, did any Homosexuals protest the taping of that show? Does Jamie Foxx really “Switch-Hit” as Karrine stated in her tirade against “alledgedly” Queer Hollywood and Hip-Hop types like Tyson Beck(whatever that Negroid name is!) and Big Tigger(Insert Rap City in the Basement HomoErotic Joke here), and Puffy with his need for Queer “Manservants”? Anyhoo I think that Ray-Gay is a weird lil dude who is kinda like a D-List Actor screwing A-List Actors to get on the A-List, just sad. Don’t get me started on Karrine Steffins and her “Homie-Lover-Friend” Lil Wayne. Just Sickening. This type of stuff makes me kinda see why Anglo-Saxons and Neo-Nazi KKK people are Racist against Africoids, We degrade ourselves so it’s a given that Anglos degrade us,too.

  • Fire

    Superhead needs to shut her gold digger mouth up. All she can do is have sex with famous people. She should learn a skill beyond sucking cock and riding dick.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com EReal

    Ray J’s new name is Cookie Monster.

  • stoneyisland

    A male superhead:) thats some funny shit:) as for Gay-J everybody knows the nigga is on the DL, yeah he might like pussy sometimes but I got a sneaky feeling this eye line wearing muthafucka likes dudes.