As I mentioned yesterday, I recently spent a morning watching VH1, and one of the things that occurred to me that it’s somehow managed to become even more cracka-ish than it was when I used to watch it in the morning before I went to high school, back in the days of “Building a Mystery” and “Semi-Charmed Life,” both of which I still enjoy as if they were milkshakes. Sorry.
Of course the other thing that occurred to me is, “Man, are these broads fucking hot!” From the chick who hosts their video countdown program, to the vast majority of the female artists featured in said videos, it’s just one big non-stop parade of smokin’ hot white pussy. I was so traumatized I had to go back to sleep for a few more hours.
And to be honest with you, this actually occurred to me a while ago, when I was watching a lot of CMT. Before anyone gets all upset, I was never into country music enough that I would watch CMT of my own volition. But it’d be on all the time in the cafeteria of my dorm in college, so I was basically left with no other choice.
On CMT it’s pretty much the same story, except the women tend to be a bit older, which I’ll admit I don’t mind as much the older I get. I mean, give me the choice between looking at some 20 year-old pussy and some 30 year-old pussy, and I’m going with the 20 year-old pussy every day of the week. I’m sexist like that. But still, pussy is pussy, as long as it’s not… you know, 40 or something. Ick!
In general though you’ll notice that the lower the form of music, the hotter the female performer. If you don’t believe me, feel free to conduct your own private research (and I’m sure a few of you will), but in genres like country and pop, the white equivalent of, say, a Missy Elliott is entirely unheard of. It just couldn’t work commercially. In hip-hop? Obviously not so much. I wonder why that is.
On the one hand, I suppose you could argue that hip-hop is just that much better a form of music. The art of MCing may have been on a steady decline since about 1996, but it still takes a certain degree of skill to be able to rap. Meanwhile, being able to sing well enough that your shit would sound alright on the radio – perhaps after quite about of technology is applied to your vocals – is hardly a rare skill.
But I don’t know. In an age of “A Bay Bay (The Rapist)” and “Crank Dat Soulja Boy,” not to mention jigs like T-Pain and Akon making a mint singing through motherfucking vocoders, I wonder if hip-hop isn’t ready for its own Katherine McPhee. (Don’t front.)
Think about it: if you had a choice between watching Soulja Boy himself Superman that ho and watching this chick do it, which one are you gonna pick? If you chose the former, that means you’re teh ghey. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I may have to contact your ISP just in case. I don’t know how many kids there are in your neighborhood.
The fact that hip-hop acts (though not Common and Talib Kweli) have to pay women with ass cleavage and ridonkulously large boobs to dance around in their videos in order to provide sufficient sex appeal suggests to me that hip-hop might actually be less sexist than most other genres of music. What do you ‘bags think?