Too Yellow For BET

“What is an award? God gives me an award by giving me life.”—Nas

Whether you admit or not, you’re gonna watch it. Or if you don’t, your girl, your man or your mans and them will. It’s the reason the streets of New York feel so safe today. All the big rappers have gone West to fight over hardware to justify their massive egos and poor spending habits. And just to keep it all interesting, YN’s got a prediction-filled guide to tonight’s edutainment. I told ya I was back on my grizz. You know what it is.

Best Female R&B Artist
Beyonce
Mary J. Blige
Ciara
Jennifer Hudson
Corrine Bailey Rae

Prediction: You ready B? What you think the hottest chick in the game cut her vacay short to get the short end of the stick.

Best Male R&B Artist
Akon
John Legend
Gerald Levert
Ne-Yo
Robin Thicke

Prediction: Damn, the white man or the African should get it, but I gots the feeling the dearly departed will get the nod.

Best Group
Gnarles Barkley
Mary Mary
OutKast
Pretty Ricky
Three 6 Mafia

Prediction: Shit, this category sucks. Can’t niggas curb their egos and partner up with muthafuckas on some music shit. Fuck it, give it to them rowdy 106 and Park niggas.

Best Gospel Artist
Shirley Caesar
Kirk Franklin
Fred Hammond
Dave Hollister
Mary Mary

Prediction: Jesus walks and bubblin’ bs talks, I’m goin’ with dude with more porno than Mr. West: Rev. Franks.

Best Hip-Hop Artist
Diddy
Jay-Z
Lil Wayne
Ludacris
T.I.

Prediction: OK, given the Sunday dust-up, this is sure to be the all-eyes-on-the-screen moment of this marathon show. I say Mr. Sideburns gets it and if Black folk wanna really act right, dude would invite the Rubber Band Man up to the stage and they’d give each other hug. I can see Hova clappin’ in the front row now.

Best New Artist
Lupe Fiasco
Gnarles Barkley
Jennifer Hudson
MIMS
Corrine Bailey Rae

Prediction: Throw your chewstick in the air. Just say Rae!

Best Collaboration
Akon f/ Snoop Dogg “I Wanna Love You”
Beyonce f/ Jay-Z “Déjà Vu’
Beyonce f/Jay-Z “Upgrade U”
Diddy f/ Keyshia Cole “Last Night”
Ludacris f/ Mary J. Blige “Runaway Love”

Prediction: Two chances for the royal couple to prove there tighter than Martin and Gina. Guess the BET brass are determined to see someone other than Baby and Wayne lock lips.

Video of The Year
Akon f/ Snoop Dogg "I Wanna Love You"
Beyonce “Irreplaceable”
Beyonce and Shakira “Beautiful Liar”
Ciara “Like A Boy”
Gnarles Barkley “Crazy”

Prediction: If Bow Wow’s ex doesn’t win for "Promise" instead, the homie B Fred is gonna resign as head whitey-in-charge at Scratch and I can’t afford that. Do the right thing, Mr. Hudlin. Make that change. Word to Warrington.

Best Actor
Idris Elba
Jamie Foxx
Eddie Murphy
Will Smith
Forest Whitaker

Prediction: Hell he paid the price for boning Scary Spice, the Black man with more seeds than ODB could use some cheering up.

Best Actress
Tichina Arnold
Angela Bassett
Jennifer Hudson
Kerry Washington
Chandra Wilson

Prediction: Gotta go to J-Hud just for the Beyonce reaction camera cutaways. Listen close and you can hear the beauty shop banter already: "See the way the redbone scratched her nose… That ain’t an itch. She hates that Black bitch."

Best Male Athlete
Reggie Bush
LeBron James
Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
Dwayne Wade
Tiger Woods

Prediction: Where’s the Pacman when you need him? I say Boo-Boo’s buddy with the fists of fury gets the belt.

Best Female Athlete
Swin Cash
Tamika Catchings
Gail Devers
Lisa Leslie
Serena Williams

Prediction: Serena got a big ole butt. I know I told you I’d be true…

BET J Cool Like That
Gerald Levert
Brian McKnight
Eric Roberson
Musiq Soulchild
Elisabeth Withers

Prediction: Score another one for the brother who ain’t here.

Viewer’s Choice Award
Beyonce “Irreplaceable”
Birdman & Lil Wayne “Stuntin Like My Daddy”
Bow Wow f/ Chris Brown “Shortie Like Mine”
Ciara “Promise"
Ne-Yo “Because of You”
Robin Thicke “Lost Without You”

Prediction: The White Man always wins in the end! Stand up, Black America and cast your vote.