Paris Hilton Is More Hardbody Than Foxy Brown…

Everyone has been a bit gleeful that Paris Hilton is doing a bid for whatever crime it was that she committed. Paris kept her shit official too by not snitching on Nicole Ritchie for the murder of Israel Ramirez. Paris Hilton now has more street cred than your favorite rapper. I think that her parents must have secretly brokered a deal with the judge to reinstate her sentence because never, ever, ever in America does someone with privilege have to do jail time. Paris doesn’t just have privilege either, but a mega-billion dollar family akin to royalty with Hilton hotels as their fiefdom. I think Paris has been so busy snorting everything she could find her parents opted for a state regulated time out.

Now if Paris comes from a family that has more money than God and she is still serving time how is it that Foxy Brown has managed to avoid a similar fate? God knows that Foxy has been begging to have her ass sent upstate for a few months. This looks like reverse racism if you ask me, and more importantly, Paris Hilton can now tattoo a teardrop under her eye or whatever. What’s to become of Black people if all these white people start going to jail? Blacks will be getting softer and more mellowed out. I sense the possible return of P.M. Dawn. We need some Black celebrities to go to the clink to act as role models for the youth. Busta Rhymes, Foxy Brown and R Kelly should all voluntarily enter the penitentiary. Remember how productive Tupac was when he went to jail?

This is some topsy turvy world that we live in where the best golfer is a Chinese nigger and the queen of soul music is some white chick from England addicted to horse. Blonde haired celebutantes are being sent to jail while hard of hearing hoodrats can roam the streets to kick the asses of nail salon technicians. We already knew that the Hip-Hop universe wasn’t immune to the madness when we learned that the best rapper alive dropped out of school at eleven years old. Don’t be surprised when Diddy announces his candidacy for president of the United States. I can just see Diddy now smacking the shit out of Vladimir Putin because dude didn’t let his wife party with Diddy.

The real question that I have about Paris’ stint in the county clink is whether she is using the time to fill up her rhyme book or if she’s just chillaxin’ in general population. Whatever she’s doing, when she leaves jail she will have served more time than Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, T.I. and NaS combined. Somebody needs to get that chick a deal on Koch Records.

  • Blizzie Mac

    1st bitches…but this is just gay…we need more black men & women out the jail system not in…let Paris do her little bid with her mead spiral notebook..watch she come out and do another collabo with that haitian nigga and HE do the singing…but on a serious note…IM FIRST and lets not make this a issue on “my race is gullier than yours”

  • Blizzie Mac

    -fist up- WORD LIFE.

  • god

    this is the worst article that i have ever read…ever

  • http://www.haulinone.com zacreole

    P.M. Dawn. (hee hee) You’s a fool for that one. On the real their DJ (Mix o’ Plix or somethin’ like dat) did hard time (pun intended) for the molestation of his 14 yo niece(or cousin or whatever underage female blood relative). Talk about hardbody.

    Maybe Paris’ new jailhouse nickname should be DJ Quik cuz she fo sure is gettin’ an all you can eat buffet of some “Sweet Black Pussy”.

    Seriously though, this could be the start of something good. If they start lockin’ up the rich privileged children of the establishment then quite possibly their equally (if not more so) guilty parents could be next.

    Think about it. If Jenna & Barbara are the next lemon merengue hoochies to get locked up maybe daddy will not be so far behind. Far fetched, maybe. But hey, a brother can at least have dreams & fantasies. Good if slightly twisted post, Bro-hammer.

    S.B.A.C. (What does it mean?!?)

  • http://www.hiphopsunderworld.blogspot.com RICK RUDE

    Whatever she’s doing, when she leaves jail she will have served more time than Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, T.I. and NaS combined. Damn…

  • Yo

    This shit Corny as Fuck!!!

  • Jam

    U Suck!!!

  • Slick-187

    1st bitches.

  • Slick-187

    Damn!

  • smog

    this is the gulliest post of all time, but seriously though, its one thing when a person can come up from time served and already have like a ton of stacks, and have a mommy and a daddy and its another thing to come out with not a god damn thing but a jail id and still come back
    but again most hard body post i evar read except that one that i read on dallaspenn.com that was about which was better, beyonce or retradda

  • Will

    R. Kelly ass should have been in jail. Nigga going around pissinn on toddlers like their porta-potties….his time will come……but anywayz nice blog its hard to believe that young jeezy the snow man aint done no time when the evidence is all over his C.D.

  • Ali

    ur pushin it with tha jay-z jeezy tip & nas thing at tha end there lol….& although that had nuttin 2 do with hip hop, it was pretty funny

  • XXLBLOOGS

    Billiam has a contractual obligation to make some retah-ded comment ’bout Wayne in every post

  • ronburgandy

    lol.

  • Just Rude

    Maaddddd Props to my girl P, I was locked up for trying to burn down an apt complex with my cheatin azz ex-boyfriend in it. I only did a week and then it was deferred upon completion of 5 years probation. So I think I’m one of the blacks that beat the system, but I have to give a big ups to my lawyer for keepin my sexy azz out of cell block D with those hoes that wanna have d**ks. The only difference between me & Paris is when she gets out, her & big mommy will go on a big shopping spree and spend more money than most of us make in a year

  • THHEE

    this is some funny shit

  • che

    >where the best golfer is a Chinese nigger

    what happened to all that ninja bullshit huh?

  • che

    >I can just see Diddy now smacking the shit out of Vladimir Putin because dude didn’t let his wife party with Diddy.

    I’m not gna lie, that shit was hilarious.

  • IceD-MKY

    that picture of billy sunday at the top is giving me a hardbody, fuck it i need to bust a nut, where the tissues at?

  • gene thornton

    it was itchin you to somehow put weezy into your convo huh lol

  • People people listen closly

    yo dude what you need to do is stop working for xxl and start your own shit. your colums allows have sence in them and damn funny. FUCK BOL

  • KING BLAIR

    paris better hope she dont get that broom-stick love, i cant stand the hoe, she says the n-word cuz she thinks she’s down if she calls a bitch upstate a ni***r then that hoe is hardbody platinum

  • Juan

    Somebody needs to get that chick a deal on Koch Records.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    That shit was funny LOL

  • Were Read 2 Def

    (No thats hot) all over this post.

  • morguemindeduno

    young jeezy the snow man aint done no time when the evidence is all over his C.D.
    ^^^
    you just figured out that shit ain’t real?
    not a diss just a question.

  • Danny

    Somebody needs to get that chick a deal on Koch Records.

    ^^^^^
    A deal on Koch records? That bitch has more money than Koch records…

    She should start her own shit lol

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    ^^^ Danny, I think you are a meatball in general, but that right there is the realest shit you ever said.

  • Tyler

    U nailed it with this one cuz’. . Nice post.
    The music Paris is bangin’ in jail:
    http://www.myspace.com/marcusorealiusmusic
    http://www.myspace.com/marcmaysrockandrollthug

  • Conor

    T.I.’s done more time that Paris already…..

    I’m just sayin

  • http://www.myspace.com/sinistahmoneybagz Sinistah aka Sin Piffcaso aka The New Millenium Kareem Akbar

    lol

  • GT_Massive

    What was the point? Are you being sarcastic? So Paris racks up traffic violations and that makes her hard body? What if I killed 8 people and never did a day in jail…is Paris more hard body than me? Was Foxy supposed to want to go to jail? Didn’t Paris cry and moan like a little punk when they sent her to do 45 DAYS!!!!

    1st. You keep using this term “hardbody”, please stop, it’s sounds kinda homo and means very little.
    2nd. When does going to jail make you hard? I thought it just made you caught?
    3rd. Are Jay Z, T.I., Young Jeezy,& Nas supposed to feel some kinda way cause Paris did 45 days?
    4th. As a writer, if you are trying to examine the hypocracy of hip-hop culture as well as American culture at large through sarcasm, you didn’t really do a good job with this one.

    Why are bloggers afraid of GT_Massive? No one publishes my posts!

  • nur-allah

    best blog i have ever read on this fucking web site! Satire was great! Keep that shit coming!

  • http://www.xxlmag.com EReal

    How is that hardbody? Just because you go to do 45 days in protective custody you’re hardbody?
    What about when she had to be dragged from her home and screamed “MOMMY MOMMY” while gettin dragged outta court when you’re fuckin 26 years old? LOL. No Hardbody there.

    Plus this bitch has a record deal already with Storch remember?
    She fuckin sold 600,000 copies worldwide. Thats more than most of yalls favorite rapper.

    Nicole is gangsta. Shes lookin at a year and that bitch wont scream for mommy, cause she dosent have one.
    That bitch was adopted, then her Ps got a divorce and she shitted all over her stepmom. The bitch was addicted to H at like 19. She drives up the wrong side of the highway lifted.
    Nicole > Paris
    All fuggin day.

    3rd paragraph, classic. Front to back. LMAO.

    1 hunned.

  • Latino Thug

    this was a funny one, LOL!!!.

  • Bibs

    rubs eyes..so does this mean, we can’t play the race card anymore?

    ^^ nah that just means both of are ryde or die lol.

  • hokus

    Finally Paris gets to see how the other half lives. Rich kids in prison is the wave of the future, now she can brag to her friends about her jail time. This shit is gonna be like going to vegas for rich kids. Soon they’ll have to build special cell blocks for wealthy young fucks so they can get the experience. Ha ha! Shit’s funny!

  • thatwhitedude

    hahahaha classic post.

  • http://blogs.hiphopdx.com/meka Meka Soul

    >This is some topsy turvy world that we live in where the best golfer is a Chinese nigger…>

    * floor *

  • Incilin

    “Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, T.I. and NaS combined. Somebody needs to get that chick a deal on Koch Records.”

    ^^ LMAO. Although I do think TI been a jail for a few months at least. As far as Paris she seems to be getting this punishment not because of what she did but more so as an indictment on the cult of celebrity.

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    paris = foxy

    when it comes to the std’s. kidding of course, but damn, “crew rotten candy” anyone?

  • hiphopblogger

    *CORRECTION* she hasn’t served more time than T.I. remember Tip that bid a couple of years ago back when he and Flip were beefin’ and he caught that one year bid (alas Kim and Beanie) and served like 10 months of it

  • tseliot

    “william h.” ahem. you’re right; i don’t know you, and since i don’t live in your glorious rotten apple, i can’t have your “face-to-face” you ask for.

    and since i don’t know you, all that’s left of me to do is to critique your blogs and blogging skills.

    comments : blogs :: bloggers : hip-hop/culture

    isn’t that analogy apparent? blogging about paris hilton on a hip hop site is certainly thee way to proving to me (or any of your detractors) about your credibility. like i said, you’re informationally sonned by one blogger here and humorously sonned by another. i don’t care to “know” you, whatever your name today may be, but quite frankly, i think i speak for plenty in saying that your posts drop both 1) the level of usefulness in the comments section and 2) the hip-hop “blogosphere” as a whole. in sum, you bring something neither new nor interesting.

    why i and others continue to mention this, in whatever form of commentary, on your blog is not “stay[ing] on your dick,” as you so aptly put it, but rather hopes that the powers that be will realize that you’re driving the overall level of quality associated with this particular magazine down quantitatively. i mean, look at the comments, man — i don’t need to even remark on them . . .

    since it’s obvious you have the almighty power to delete posts (and probably will again), i’m sure you also have access to the email address i’ve used; feel free to use it if you’d like to show me that you have better defense of your “style” than simply calling me a “dick rider.” try again.

  • Cuban Link

    Busta Rhymes, Foxy Brown and R Kelly should all voluntarily enter the penitentiary. Remember how productive Tupac was when he went to jail?

    ^i know it was a joke, but thats true

    Paris kept her shit official too by not snitching on Nicole Ritchie for the murder of Israel Ramirez.

    ^damn Billy, lmao

    the only reason she did time is because she sooo famous that they wanted to make an example of her, because the media makes it look like she does whatever she wants.Believe me, if it wasnt for that sex tape she’d be off scott free

  • SILLY WILLY

    lolllllllllllll!!!!!!!!

    «I can just see Diddy now smacking the shit out of Vladimir Putin because dude didn’t let his wife party with Diddy.»

    DAMN!!!

    BXS is dat nigga. Too funny

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    tseliot- i would like to read some of what you write outside of comments sections on interweb blogs. i am seriously curious. is your writing ability limited to fucking with BXS? every time i see your comments, i try and click on your name in hopes that you are doing something adverse to what you rail against, yet, nothing happens. i know that this actually means very little, but i am still curious. if you are going to detract, then you should man the fuck up. am i crazy?

  • SILLY WILLY

    Paris is dat Bitch With an Attitude, Straight Outta Hilton.

  • tseliot

    thoreauly,

    i write plenty, both for my own pleasure and for publication, albeit small-scale. unfortunately, my writing isn’t on the internet, and even if it was, it doesn’t deal with contemporary music, hip-hop culture, or modern culture in general, really.

    i can assure you, though, that i’m well-versed in the topics on which i write and that i never resort to simple sensationalism. (and if i ever wanted to, anyway, it would at least contain some semblance of wit and/or intelligence, take your pick).

    i detract here merely because i don’t think what’s going on here holds up to the standards of the other writers. i mean, shit, even tara had interesting things to say. not that i’m shitting on sensationalism all together, but what i AM saying is that it’s been done already (and done better).

    so yeah, i hear your complaints, and i’m more than willing to talk on what i write–but it’s really not entirely exciting . . . or sensational.

  • 911

    they shooting in the comments section…

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    TSELIOT,
    Since you aren’t available for a meeting outside of this forum you should go kick rocks to the boss of this website. Maybe send them some samples of the shit you write so well about and then you can join the crew. Otherwise you waste your time and your breath on my threads.

  • the two

    i love the smell of satire in the morning…and the ensuing confusion of all the people posting

  • DocZeus

    i am a homo thug who loves man semen over my face, shout to billy x. sunday, we miss you in vegas

  • gteach

    well said, BXS, well said.

    now, all the lil’ white girlz who emulate paris will become jailbait as well. lol.

  • goldiilocs

    actually, Mr. Sunday, Tupac clearly stated in his book and movie that jail zapped him of all of his creativity, and that he wasn’t able to write ANYTHING!