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Hip-Hop just got a lot more teh ghey

Hip-Hop is often criticized by the mainstream media for being overly homophobic, but I wonder: would it be homophobic of me to suggest, as I have before, that hip-hop is the straightest genre of music evar? After all, hip-hop has been around for like 30 years now, and there’s yet to be a very popular teh ghey rapper.

The thing is, as I’ve also pointed out here before, there probably have been a few secretly teh ghey rappers over the years, who just did a really good job of hiding it. I’m not sure if Beanie Sigel reads this site or not (or whether he can read at all, for that matter), but he recently expanded on this theory in an interview for one of these ghetto DVDs.

According to Beanie Sigel, rappers like Kanye West and Pharrell are teh ghey because they wear shit like silk button down shirts with the chest hair hanging out and Louis Vuitton driving shoes, and that’s just plain not how people dress in the ghetto. As far as Beanie Sigel is concerned, they’re already halfway out of the closet as it is; they might as well just come all the way out.

Nullus on this whole post, by the way.

As it turns out though, Beanie Sigel is hardly free from suspicion himself. Not too long after the video of Beanie Sigel talking shit about Kanye and Pharrell surfaced, some enterprising teh ghey person, who must also be a big fan of State Property, produced a video which suggests that Sigel himself might have a teh ghey streak.

In the clip, an obviously high out of his mind Beanie Sigel gets way too close to Peedi Crakk for comfort while Crakk is trying to kick a freestyle. For a minute there, it even looks like he’s about to give him a kiss, and he’s got this look in his eyes like, “Boy, I can’t wait to fuck you in the ass.” In fact, watching it, I couldn’t help but be reminded of Eddie Murphy’s old bit about if Mr. T was teh ghey.

“C’mere, boy. Let me fuck ya in the ass!”

Not to be outdone, I’m sure you bags ‘have heard about the interview in which T-Pain congratulates Brandy’s little brother Ray J on the size of his unit.

And I quote:

“Not too many guys can go after Ray J. The man got a huge meat, ok. He’s short, the man is packing. He’s got length on him. I got the width. Shit is wide. He got a foot on him. Man have a foot on him. Much respect to Ray. Man to man. No homo. Ya’ll seen that shit. Ya’ll know the man’s swanging.”

Granted he added in the no homo (because otherwise I’d be certain he was teh ghey), but still. I’ve seen that Ray J sex tape before (I even did a story on it for this site), but I couldn’t tell you what Ray J’s unit looks like. T-Pain, apparently, could write a whole paper on that shit.

Capitalizing on the publicity generated by his sex tape, not to mention (let’s face it) his sister killing that poor African woman, Ray J recently signed a deal with Trojan to promote their brand of rubbers, which also struck me as rather teh ghey.

I mean, if I’m in the market for a jimmy hat, I’m not gonna be standing there at the counter like, Well, Ray J wears Trojans, and his unit is like a foot long, so that’s what I’m gonna get. In fact, Ray J is pretty much the last thing I want to think about when I’m about to score with a broad.

Indeed, it’s rather unfortunate that I should ever have had to think about Ray J’s unit in the first place. What’s with hip-hop these days, anyway? After something like 30 years of being inarguably the straightest genre in music, hip-hop in 2007 is as teh ghey as it’s ever been. Is it any wonder that it’s also reaching an artistic nadir?

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