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Decision ’08: Can u control yo hoe?

“I went to your house; your girl came in and started cussing you out. You should have slapped her in her face, I wanted to tell you, but it wasn’t my place.” – Snoop Dogg

It seems obvious enough to me: If a man can’t run his own household, how the hell can he expect to run an entire country? As such, in a presidential election, you’d think the media would spend more time focusing on the candidates’ family life rather than such frivolous issues as, say, John Edwards haircut. But of course they don’t.

I attempted to rectify this situation in the ’04 election with a series of posts on the candidates’ spouses. For example, the fact that John Kerry’s wife considered herself “cheeky and sexy” and didn’t see any issue with talking about how she still enjoys to fuck at the ripe old age of 65 let me know he lacked leadership qualities.

Even more disturbing was John Edwards’ wife’s issues with her weight, which I took to have more so to do with a woman’s ego than anything else. Here John Edwards is, running for the second highest office in the land, and she can’t even be bothered to hop on a treadmill. Keep in mind, this was before I was aware that she’s been battling cancer for some time, but still. I thought cancer was supposed to make you lose weight.

*lights up a square*

Well the ’08 election cycle has begun, and fortunately for us all, John Kerry is off in Massachusetts wind surfing, or whatever it is he does. John Edwards is back, running for the big prize, but this time his wife is sick with cancer, which pretty much absolves her of any personal criticism. And if Hillary Clinton wins, Bill Clinton would be this country’s first First Gentlemen, which is just wrong on so many levels.

Which brings us to Barack Obama and his wife Michelle, whom, if you notice, has been in the news a lot lately. Recently, she quit her job as the quota hire-in-chief (right?) for the University of Chicago Hospital to spend more time focusing on her husband’s campaign, and already I notice she’s been doing a lot more press. I wonder if this is the best idea in the world.

Of course, being a black woman with a high-paying job and a stern, Condoleezza Rice-style visage, Michelle Obama is going to run the risk of being characterized by the media as castrating and unlovable, if not an outright lesbian. But I think we all know that stereotypes, which I prefer to call truisms, aren’t just invented out of whole cloth like the news at, and indeed Michelle Obama hasn’t been doing herself any favors with her behavior on the campaign trail thus far.

First, there was that dumbass interview on 60 Minutes, in which she suggested that Barack could get shot going to the gas station, as if he was that kid in Boyz in the Hood. I remember watching that shit (the interview), and right when she says that, a look comes over his face, as if to suggest, “How in the world did I ever get myself into this?” Clearly she wasn’t going off the notes her handlers, if not Barack himself, gave her before the interview.

Also there have been problems with her talking shit about him to the media, questioning his intelligence as well as his manliness, as if that could possibly help him get elected. I mean, it’s bad enough he’s going into this as the candidate with the least experience, not to mention being the first black candidate with a real chance at being elected, without his wife yapping to the press about him being incapable of doing the laundry and inexplicably referring to him as “the brother.”

Michelle’s excuse:

“This is who we are. I’ve got a loud mouth. I tease my husband. He is incredibly smart, and he is very able to deal with a strong woman, which is one of the reasons why he can be president, because he can deal with me.”

Which brings me to my point: Since when did tearing your own husband down for the media constitute showing your strength as a woman? If Michelle Obama really wants to show how strong she is, she’ll learn how to do what it takes to make herself more palatable to the American people, who Barack will be counting on to elect him to office. If that means learning how to shut the fuck up and act like a woman every once in a while, then so be it.

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