An idea to save black marriage

It’s been obvious to me for some time now that at the center of so many of this year’s debates re: misogyny in hip-hop and Don Imus’ distaste for the texture of black women’s hair and what have you is the fact that so many black women these days don’t have a man to take care of them. I’m not saying that a black woman is incapable of functioning without a man; I’m just saying. Crude remarks about someone’s personal appearance don’t sting nearly as much when you know someone actually likes you.

I could sit here and spout off statistics, but I’ve already done that a few times now. Black women are so unmarried, in fact, that they’re pretty much singlehandedly responsible for the grim statistic, as reported in the New York Times earlier this year, that there are now more single women in this country than there are married women. As was noted in the Columbia Journalism Review, if you remove black women from the mix, the state of marriage in this country is hardly any worse than it was 10 or 20 years ago.

It actually occurred to me a while ago that it might not be a bad idea to allow polygamy in the black community the same way gambling is allowed on Indian reservations, but I was reminded of it the other day while I was checking out a new episode of one of my favorite shows on TV, HBO’s Big Love, which has to do with a fundamentalist Mormon family out in Utah that practices polygamy.

If I’m not mistaken, the idea behind Indian casinos is that the white man has done so much damage to the Indian community, what with driving them off of their land and onto arid, desolate reservations and then giving them “firewater” to drink (nevermind crazed Indians kidnapping white children and cutting their scalps off and what have you) that the least the government could is let them make a little money from gambling.

Similarly, I wonder if the government doesn’t owe the black community a solid, given the way that the white man has destroyed the black family over the course of several centuries now: by splitting up black families during slavery; by raping our black women to the point where so many of us are “lightskinted” (and hence less trustworthy); and by using welfare to drive the black man out of the home and to keep black families mired in poverty for generation after generation; let alone the fact that the white man’s woman is so much more desirable to those of us who are being honest with ourselves.

I’m not sure of all the specifics of how this would work, because, like I said, this is just an idea. But this wouldn’t just be a situation where any ol’ brother off the street could have three or four wives the same way so many of our brothers these days have three or four baby’s mothers. I myself, for example, wouldn’t be elifgibe for this program. But the idea would be that those of us who have the means should be able to have more than one wife, so long as they can take care of them. After all, what’s worse: the idea that a man with the means should be able to make it with more than one woman, if he so pleases, or the idea of so many fatherless children crowding Amerca’s ghettos, just waitin to be shipped off to prison?

One possible scenario I imagined is that a black who’s got a few dollars in his pocket and hence has managed to score himself a white chick could also keep a few black chicks on the side. I mean, obviously once a black man reaches a certain income level, he’s gonna be free to explore his options, but, as far as I’m concerned, that’s no good reason for the black woman to be left out in the cold, as so many of them obviously have been. Tiger Woods, for example, could have his beautiful Nordic princess as his main wife (his bottom bitch, if you will), but then he could have three or four black chicks on the side that he could send checks to and stop by and fuck on occasion.

I know, it’s not the best solution in the world, but at least it’s something. What do you ‘bags think?

  • http://XXL BUCK THE WORLD

    Bol Your A Fuckin Dumbass

  • HNIC

    Where do I sign up for my “harem of hoes”? Ladies, I’m only kidding… unless, you’re down, then I’m all in.

  • 757 4evea

    hey bol u gonna review the BET Awards?

  • bucnasty aka yung buc

    damn, bol. did you have a mother or sister that beat you as a kid or something?

  • tone

    lmao this is hilarious but thats sad how so many black females are single first black females have to learn how 2 pick them dont just fuck some random broke ass guy in your hood no be in a real committed relationship with a man you can trust thats a start and there wont be so many fucking fatherless children

  • these posts are racist

    BOL does not understand racism, white supramecy or poverty. His ignorance of such destructive realties combined with his arrogance and need to shock the hip hop masses (or those who read xxl) has caused him to write using the same words/catch phrases and way of thinking as those who are part of the very system hip hop was born to combat.

    The irony….

  • WTF were u smoking??

    All i gotta say in u need HELP or a CHECK every month. And my belief as to why black women are the most unmarried is because most of yall black men get sick of struggling with your own STRONG, INDEPENDANT, BEAUTIFUL women and would rather live with buffy and her trust fund on easy street. I think the main problem in society is T.V, all i see on T.V for the most part, WHITE WOMEN, u don’t even gotta really be pretty just skinny and white and they will do the rest to make sure your comftorable. meanwhile us black women fight for LEFTOVERS, be it a job, schools, and now our men…WTF?!?!?!? all i know is if any women feel like me just say fuck it amd STAND UP!! I don’t need 1 of yall who don’t respect the woman u came from….i love black men who r just as strong minded and open to better they community as I am

  • 757 4evea

    Let me guess….NO black woman wanted to date you @ any point in your life. So here you are getting revenge.

    I get it…… It’s juvenile, but i get it Bol.

  • q-buro

    i dont think anything needs to be done….i stay jugglin 3 or 4 bitches….cats need to step their game up….practice their long stroke

  • DirtDoggy

    Way to go Byron, keep blaming the white man for all your problems, fucking tool box, I got a couple white bitches for you if you need some, but I think your on the DL.

  • EREAL

    i love g unit more than my kids, well my kids aint min, theyre probably the mailmans or some other niggaz.

  • LOL

    what does this have to do with hiphop

  • Real Talk

    TPAR, Why do you come here every single day, read Bol’s posts, then complain about them. Really just wondering. Cause I think you really agree and just like so many of our people you have to feign Indignation after you laugh cause you think your negro pass might be revoked or something.

    You’re like one of those people who listened to howard stern 5 hours a day and made transcripts, but claimed you were doing it to protect your children in case he said something dirty so you could report him.

  • http://myspace.com/brand_new_money412 ReDDiLLionaire

    SLOTH is an asshole…lmao

  • beeyo

    Black relations always have 2 do with hip hop @ lol.
    Bol is a destructive force of kinda sensible evil.

  • yaboy

    Bol, you’re in quite good shape I’d say.

    Signed,

    600lb man on the Discovery channel

  • i’ll shit bag u

    bols stupid ass is gonna fuck around and get his damn noodle rocked!!!!hahahaa

  • jacquez
  • The Spaniard

    I spend quite a bit of time trying to explain to my woman how getting another girlfriend/wife would be highly beneficial for the two (three) of us. So far the best I can do so far is the occasional threesome when her [BFF] comes through town. Not to worry though I’m working night and day on the issue.

    Polygamy should not be limited to the black community. A couple of my pals of European descent would love to roll also.

  • http://jarredr_904yahoo.com J-Reese

    “let alone the fact that the white man’s woman is so much more desirable to those of us who are being honest with ourselves.”

    Naw dude speak for your self. You can mess with those pink booties if you want to but me i need me a sista ya dig you to lame to hanlde a sista any ways. I bet you like those wack ass fat white chick to you lame. Once again dude
    KILL-YO-SELF

  • sk8key

    the reason why we date white bitches is because we are sick of black women telling us that we don’t know how to handle a strong woman. truth is, we don’t want to deal with a strong woman that’s too weak to keep her legs closed and not have so many damn kids. or one that wishes she was still being (unwittingly) used by the local trap star instead of the brother with the college education.

  • http://jarredr_904yahoo.com J-Reese

    let’s keep in mind, that like black pplz, native americans aren’t a monolithic people. Most of the ones that went buck back in the day that way (scalping) are long gone by now man.

  • WTF!?!?!

    let alone the fact that the white man’s woman is so much more desirable to those of us who are being honest with ourselves.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Thank u girls gone wild and hoes like KIM KARDASHAIN..!!!!

  • these posts are racist

    Real Talk:

    People read BOL’s stuff. I don’t just transcribe what he says and say, this is bad. I actually disagree with him and offer arguments why he is factually and historically wrong…I don’t just say he’s “innappropriate” (as the Howard Stern people you refer to). I do this to offer readers a different opinion…indeed, if you look at our past exchanges, people will comment and say “I agree with TPAR on this one…etc.” I’m adding to the market place of ideas…and in most cases, I am actually giving real ideas where BOL floods the market with bull.

    Hope this answers your question.

  • BirdsFlySouth

    You are one twisted guy, but it kinda makes sense. I dig most of your post though. Mainly b/c you don’t have to constantly bash the south and you use your brain in order to get people to comment.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com EReal

    Heres an idea. Why dont they get their shit together? If the bitch could act right maybe her man would want her around. If they’re not married its obviously for a REASON, right?
    Besides the fact that marriage isnt really that big of a deal anymore. Alot of people are choosing to take their vows and keep it movin. Why involve the government in your shit? Now youre talkin half your shit, alamony, child support, all that.
    I personally am goin for the Gene Simmons style.
    “I’ve been happily Unmarried for 30 years”-Gene Simmons.
    Dude has a bangin wife and two kids.

    Either way, my opinion is irrelevent, this is just more hatred for sistas from Byron “I wish I was White” Crawford.

    Good luck on the pink toe hunt, I suggest tryin for the fat ones first. That seems to work out most of the time.
    LMFAO.

    1 hunned.

  • http://www.xxlmag.com/?p=11126 Jay

    “let alone the fact that the white man’s woman is so much more desirable to those of us who are being honest with ourselves.”
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    hahahahha that shit is funny..and true.

    this article was funny as fuck tho to
    good post

  • Meso

    I think alot of minority woman just dont have the time to sit around and wait for a functionable relationship to mature, so yeah we play ourselves and fuck ya on the first date, screening your qualities, only to in turn play ourselves out when we get dick sprung.. Whatever, U men aint gonna change, so neither are we. Life goes on, aint nobody tripin cuz I dont have one in my life, only to leave me when the next pretty thing walks by.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >I’m adding to the market place of ideas…

    Oh, really?

  • rar

    “It actually occurred to me a while ago that it might not be a bad idea to allow polygamy in the black community the same way gambling is allowed on Indian reservations”

    lmao, funniest shit i’ve read in a while

  • Ryan

    Most of you take this way to literally, the internet isn’t even real…………..

  • these posts are racist

    >I’m adding to the market place of ideas…
    “Oh, really?”

    -Yes, really.

  • these posts are racist

    feel free to email me. tpar.posts@gmail.com

  • Kornphlake

    It helps that reservations are technically soveriegn nations. If you can figure out how to get that status then maybe you can do it.

  • Latino Thug

    this was a stupid topic(and hbo big love is one of my favorite shows too).

    BOL seems like you runing out of ideas.

  • combatjack

    Dude, I’ve got the credentials and the means, but after being married (to a dime piece, mind you) and with three kids with one on the way any day, I say a solid FUCK NO!!! to the concept of having more wives. One is way effing enough!

  • lyndell

    These statistics are wrong these people surveyed girls from starting at age 15. the rate is only like 25-40% unmarried. Not 51% like Bol thinks

  • KYNG EDWARD

    fuck getting married just fuck hoes and get buck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    black women you need to step it up too gotdammit….yall wanns act sassy to every race except white folks ….you see what happened to star jones when she cut up on the view….fuck black american women im going to brazil and africa gotdammit and gettin me a bitch who can bring me back a zebra you american hoes lost

  • Big Chris

    Everytime I log on to this site, whoever this guy is that writes this bullshit, always has something negative to say about black people. What makes you think any black man being honest with himself desires white women over black women? I’ll roll with a sista anyday before I roll with a white woman. Build us up my friend, don’t break us down. You said if your idea goes through we could have a white woman and then have the black women on the side to bang occasionally. Why lessen the value of a black woman by saying we can have them on the side just to fuck. You are a dumb muthafucka, how did you get this job anyway??

  • lyndell

    I meant 35-40% unmarried

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    bol this is weird since your record would seem to indicate that polygamy is for the terrorists, not red-blooded american patriots like your self.

  • money

    you killin ‘em these past few days. keep that shit up.

  • Siobhan

    Bol, there are times when I read your posts and I cringe just thinking of the backlash that’s sure to follow.

    You just love stirring the pot when it comes to black/white relationships. You really do enjoy it, don’t you?

  • BORN IN THE NORTH, RAISED IN THE SOUTH

    Polygamy is not the answer. Black men & women not treating each other like pieces of shit is the answer, bottom line.

  • BE

    I read the title of this blog and I just wanted to say Bol your a dumb ass!!

  • http://myspace.com/djmainevent DJ Main Event

    Question: If you could pull this off, wouldn’t this lead to an even HIGHER divorce rate?

    I’m just saying… people are confusing “marriage” and “dating/smashtime” these days.

  • T.R.P

    er… ever heard of islam?

  • truth.com

    I believe bol made some very good points. I think we should consider Polygamy because most black women are chasing, and fucking the same guys but they just don’t want to admit it to themselves. As black men we grow knowing that the more we increase our income the more opportunities we have with black women. So case in point how many hip hop elite,ballers have just one women they are dealing with even niggas like Jesse Jackson has had a kid outside of marriage. At least if guys could marry more than one women he could keep all of his children in the same house instead of in different homes and one feeling more neglected than the rest.

  • OxyMOroN

    I think you are a worthless douche; you still stink. Wake up fuckface…you can have 3-4 wives, all you have to do is pray to a different god and never eat pork again. And just because you have a thing for white girls doesn’t mean that’s what we all secretly admire. Why must you draw that racial line ALL the time, and demean your race. If you wanna get all slap-happy over those “pink-toes”, so be it, but don’t put out there like that’s what us black men want, because it’s not. You go fuck Britney Spears and I’ll be happy with Toccarra. You suck ass.

  • OxyMOroN

    your new nickname is SNOW-SLOTH….because you’re nasty fat,and you want to be white so bad you can taste it.

  • OxyMOroN

    “let alone the fact that the white man’s woman is so much more desirable to those of us who are being honest with ourselves.”

    Naw dude speak for your self. You can mess with those pink booties if you want to but me i need me a sista ya dig you to lame to hanlde a sista any ways. I bet you like those wack ass fat white chick to you lame. Once again dude
    KILL-YO-SELF
    ^^^^^
    cosign J-Reese

    lmmfao @ SNOW SLOTH

  • Pancho

    Noz wants to talk about Eminem and T.I falling off….

    Bol’s shock value has fallen off tremendously….

  • http://bottom-bagel.blogspot.com Jules

    Man, I love how seriously a lot of you are taking this.

    Great post (like always) BOL.

  • http://www.jivefood.com/left rey

    this shit is funny as hell

  • http://www.xxlmag.com EReal

    You are a dumb muthafucka, how did you get this job anyway??
    ^^
    Because of your reaction.

    LOL @Snow Sloth

    I cant believe my nickname actually stuck, Sloth! LMAO!

    1 hunned.

  • eauhellzgnaw

    Polygamy (minus the marriage) already exists–it’s called man-sharing.

  • curious RED

    why are black women are the most unmarried maybe cuz were the most unlikley to date outside our race (check 4 those stats bruh) It’s simple for all u asses… we love our black men even though yall treat us like shit, love white women(BOI), stay in jail, can’t be faithful, yall constantly degrade us, refuse to work legal jobs (the majority), refuse to grow up (all u 30 – 40 yr old gangbanging wannabe drug dealers or rappers) but yet we still love yall RAGGEDY asses, and wouldn’t trade yall for nothing…maybe we need to UPGRADE OURSELFS and leave YALL sorry asses alone!!! cuz as we can see even if u can get a column on XXL (ahem) doesn’t mean that you’ve progressed pass you own failed attempts at a relationship with a beautiful black woman.. like the one u came from!!!

    >>>>

  • On to something

    There is nothing wrong with having more than one wife as long as you treat them all equally (which is very hard to do). We all know the women outnumber the men, so assuming you provide for these women equally, treat them all with respect, honesty, integrity. There shouldn’t be a problem with having more than one wife. However, like I said before, its hard to do.

  • Hip hop

    “…let alone the fact that the white man’s woman is so much more desirable to those of us who are being honest with ourselves.”

    IS THE QUOTE ABOVE FROM A HIP HOP WEBSITE OR A “KKK FORUM” UNDER THE PRETEXT OF HIPHOP? I THINK IT IS THE LATTER.

    My response to the author is that if his mother finds white men much more desirable – that is not our problem, sounds like a personal problem.

  • BklynBandette

    This is the first time for which I am truly at a loss for words.

  • http://www.myspace.com/wevans doubleu

    lol. I love it bol! i get it dammit…

  • Bibs

    It actually occurred to me a while ago that it might not be a bad idea to allow polygamy in the black community …
    ——-
    Thats not happening already? Wow?

    I wonder if the government doesn’t owe the black community a solid, given the way that the white man has destroyed the black family over the course of several centuries now.
    ———-
    Based on African culture, hasn’t it always been like this? Including polygamy.

  • T-Vine

    Thanks curious Red! It helps black women’s cause when you have buy in from from black men..the very men who were created and conceived to protect us have so failed the black woman, that we are forced to protect ourselves. For a black man to indulge himself with multiple black women means one of two things, the brother is in bad shape and really needs help, or he’s a sell out and have joined forces with “the white man” to continue to publicly humiliate and destroy “US” and our people. For those men who can look at us and see nothing..then do us black women a favor and leave us alone..See this is why we are unmarried, who has time for a Sell-Out! That’s what black men are who cheat, beat, and date white women.sell outs doing the MASTER’s work. I wonder if there is an intellectual website out there that complains and dismisses white chicks as ho’s…Paris Hilton gets locked up and it’s a national media event…what about little KIM..? I digress!!

  • EmployedBlackWoman

    I have an idea, too that would save Black Marriage – Stop dating black men. Brothers forget that Black Women make more money and more educated than them statistically. As we make more money, we have more options as well – not to deal with broke black men anymore. Sisters who are in the know need to spread the word – you don’t have to settle. Lots of other men are interested in us besides Black Men. Don’t get scared Brothers – just get it together.

  • testes

    Black women do have way too musch “SASS” for the brothers AND our words mean nothing cause we havent been sponsored for the last 40 years and where still in the relative same position. When they left the black revolution for their OWN self interest we assumed they’d be back. Instead they and all women FLED marriage in DROVES while reforming it to spare any semblance of their own responsibilities (save to the children) while the mens onus has NEVER changed. Now all women want some sort of reprieve and are tryna to shame men into taking them seriously because their bank account are larger. I invite black women to explore their options if for no other reasons to remove the CONSTANT SCAPEGOATING OF THEIR BLACK MEN FOR EVERYTHING!! I’ll miss ya’ll and I love ya’ll! But women fought for these changes, marriages FREE of men but full of kids and Prada. The men arent responsible for what has happened to black marriage. WE didnt ask for carrots to be handed out to women if they acted irresponsibly (CAUSING A SEIGE ON WELFARE) its only as of the last 10 years that BW had to Dragged off the teet of the system so SOME of this INDEPENDENT/STRONG stuff needs to be tempered a bit. Black Women and WW changed marriage, men didnt, we hudddled and did whatt u ASKED. But again WE must be scapegoated. We have always feared marriage there’s been no change to us. What has changed is women and their expectation of men. Again your expectation-not MY fault. Black women stood idly by while their men got few opportunties (carrots of self-determination dangling B4 their eyes) until eventually adopting the dialogue that WW intended for WM & started dissing the brothers they left behind. Why would you do any different. Without WW voices, Black women wouldnt of GOT ANYWHERE just like us WW/BW HAD a symbiotic relationship (U NO LIKE BECKY NO MO). oh and Black Pride may have kept BW wallflowering for BM but I would of settled on kindness/grace and love rather then holding us HOSTAGE with the strong black snotty independent wealthy so-your-a-scrub to me nonsense that ya’ll succumbed to. We love ya’ll or at least I do, I hope the white man can restore some faith in your natural hair, we failed, I hope he finds some sort of way to get ya’ll to LOVE the gym, and maybe in his benelovence he can make U C how bad of a time ya’ll ACTUALLY GAVE black men those many yrs ago when they were plentiful but U said otherwise. A women who insist that everything U say is bunk , secretly loaves U because U didnt benefit from the womens movement and runs to perm her her hair to look like Becky who she hates supposedly, well.. she AINT EXACTLY MY WOMEN NOW is she. MARRIAGE IS DROPPING HARD INTERNATIONALLY (INTERRACIALLY AS WELL). Well c ea. other again sooner than u think! Skippy, Bill, Chip enjoy the pristine behavior of a sound, brave, caring, and humble black women who doesnt have to think or deal w/BM anymore or her inabilty to except ANY responsibility from them. I wish I was U! ps-Never criticize her valid or otherwise and never EVER insist ANYTHING., afterall your mother was bl….

  • http://www.misterrickyblackplanet.com BossGame

    testes

    Thats that fire right there brah…props!

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  • Champion

    “we love our black men even though yall treat us like shit, love white women(BOI), stay in jail, can’t be faithful, yall constantly degrade us, refuse to work legal jobs (the majority), refuse to grow up (all u 30 – 40 yr old gangbanging wannabe drug dealers or rappers) but yet we still love yall RAGGEDY asses”

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    From my personal experience, black women love black men precisely BECAUSE of everything that you listed. There’s no market for black men who aren’t thugs, pimps, or gangstas in the so-called black community, most black women nowadays won’t give you the time of day unless you fit the above description. I was consistently rejected by black women for being a generally good-hearted guy with no criminal record to speak of (this is often after getting their number because at that time, I seemed to be putting up the right facade, so it’s not because they found me unattractive physically). There’s no excitement in dating a stable, even-tempered college educated man such as myself. The most primitive Neanderthalic urges seem to trump everything else for women when it comes to mating, and they present themselves as physical commodities to be possessed by the “strongest” and most “dominant”, so they seemed to be naturally inclined to be part of a harem anyway.

  • professionalism

    You are neglecting one thing in this article…
    Black women “choose” the men who they date and marry.
    Sure a man can initiate contact, but it is up to the woman to allow things to progress.

    Yeah you can blame slavery, the “man”, and this white oriented society.

    Not a doubt in my mind that there is a greater power out to get “us”.

    But it is the fault of blackwomen for the sad state that they are in.

    Black women willingly and knowingly choose “bad” men to be with and chase after. Only to get mad and blame all men when things did not work out.

    If black women would actually think with “logic” and not with emotions, selfishness, foul attitudes, or their jealous girlfriends on mind, things would not be as they.

    The simple fact is that black women (not all) but a large portion of them willingly chased after thugs, pimps, players, etc. while mis-treating, ignoring, and putting down decent hardworking men. Now a large portion are all angry, alone, with kids, claiming the “strong and independent” mantra.

    And the black women who encouraged or looked the other way while their fellow sisters were dealing in dirt, are just as response.

    Dictated but not read,

    peace