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The King Has No Underpants On…

Current R & B music is a wasteland for much the same reasons that rap music also sucks. It’s pop music underpinnings mean that record labels will put out the product of someone that looks good as opposed to someone with any real talent. T-Pain goes against this convention because he neither looks good nor has singing talent. Listening to T-Pain and Akon is like listening to the warbling of robots. Both of their voices are so synthesized it makes me feel like when someone scratches their fingernails on a chalkboard. Arrrrgh! The supreme talent is R & B music is Robert Sylvester Kelly and that man has a gang of issues.

Put aside the whole pissing on the 15yr old story because believe it or not that isn’t a problem. Keep in mind that since the beginning of time if a women reached her 15th year and hadn’t stuck anything in her cooch it was because she was handicapped and/or deformed, but even then there were men that would touch that up. The physiology of humans is that women must put something inside of their cooches at this age. Who would you rather to put something inside of her? Another 15yr old who will possibly get her pregnant, or a 30yr old who will show her how to properly rotate her hips and use her muscles below her waist for the best effect? Exactly. America is the only place that forbids this because our government like making all fun shit illegal.

R.Kelly’s real problem is that he has so much talent that he can say anything on a musical track and we will like it. So he says whatever he wants and we dance to it. Yeah we get songs like ‘Happy People’, or ‘I Believe I Can Fly’, but the flip side are songs like ‘You Remind Me’ and the diabolically genius ‘Feelin’ On Your Booty’. Only R.Kelly could make a guttural, raunchy embrace into a top ten pop music masterpiece. This is why the T.I.’s wont let this man get taken up the river. They are going to need his special powers to hypnotize everyone into doing some dumb shit. The terrorists don’t hate us for our Domino’s Pizza and Levi’s jeans, they hate us because we have R.Kelly and they only have DJ Khaled and DJ Rekha. Sorry terrorists, but you dudes stay losing, now go kill yourselves.

I just heard this new R.Kelly song called real talk and this shit is some real talk. The next time that one of you fellas is having some ish with your lady you need to just close your mouth and play this song. Let R.Kelly speak for you. All the ladies know that the ‘R’ can do no wrong.

R. Kelly – ‘Real Talk’ (explicit-NSFW)

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