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Remember When Rap Music Was The New WWE?

I remember when Hip-Hop critics were calling rap music the new wrestling game because of the way that rappers would generate publicity with bluster and bravado. It made for great spectacle and it kept us fans intrigued at least to see what would be said next. I suppose the gimmickry of being the new WWE has worn off so now the tI’s have instructed their employees to move in another direction. Instead of crews throwing darts at each other they are now shooting at themselves.

First, the G-Unit seems on the verge of collapse because Prodigy doesn’t show the proper reverence to his new label boss as well as Young Buck beginning to show some ill-timed independence. If and when G-Unit dissolves it won’t stop the Fisty Scent money machine. He is already returning to the GRODT formula for his next album. Fisty is gon’ be aiiight. Spider Loc and Young Buck? Not so much. Now we get news that DipSet is about to implode because Cam’Ron and his BFF Jim Jones aren’t even speaking to one another. Who gives a fuck as long as niggas are making that heat? Rap music has become a damn soap opera.

DipSet = Young, and the Restless
DipSet is steady adding new members to the crew and who can count all the DipSet members in and out of jail? DipSet stays busy making mixtapes and YouTube videos. Too bad none of them are any good. It almost makes you wanna cry. Nullus.

G-Unit = As the World Turns
As long as Gayme feels jilted for Dre choosing Fisty over him there will be this recurring subplot for G-Unit. They don’t even need Ja Rule to show his face anymore to keep their ratings high.

Cash Money = General Hospital
With all the booze and pills that Lil’ Wang takes I’m surprised we haven’t heard about dude getting his stomach pumped a la Rod Stewart.

Rocafella Records = Dynasty
This one was a gimme.

No Limit Records = Knot’s Landing
This shit was good for a while, but it still got cancelled.

What’s next for rappers? Is Hip-Hop going to become like The View? There’s already enough gays to make it like Ellen DeGeneres. I just hope rap music doesn’t become the bitchfest that the Ricky Lake show was with all that yelling and slapping. It’s funny how art mirrors reality when television ratings are involved.

I don’t know about y’all but I’m turning off channel zero.

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