Free Akon

Around the time the last Akon album came out, he did a buncha interviews in which he claimed that his full name is Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam. In fact, it even says as much in his Wikipedia entry to this day.

But from what I understand, the guy’s real name is just Alioune Badara Thiam. I’m not sure what all of the rest of those words mean, but it’s been confirmed that the phrase “damala bouga time puru” means “I want to fuck you” in Wolof, an African language in which Akon is fluent.

Which is pretty hilarious as far as I’m concerned. In fact, I’ve even been known to claim that my own African name, Bol, is Swahili for the gulliest one (for what it’s worth, we don’t know for a fact that it isn’t now do we?), though I’d like to note that I came up with my ruse long before he did.

In addition to our African names and our desire to make love to women, I also learned today that Akon and I were both born in the same city, and in the same year even. It’s a small world, I swear. Nullus, just in case.

However, the two of us begin to differ in that Akon has recently been charged with engaging in a lewd sexual act with an underage girl, while yours truly has only fantasized about such while riding around in my minivan.

In case you haven’t heard, Akon was recently dropped like a bad habit from his partnership with Verizon after a video surfaced of him giving a 14 year-old girl the full-on Discovery Channel treatment while on stage at a concert in Trinidad.

Supposedly, Akon told the girl to come up on stage because she had won a trip to Africa as part of a dance contest, which is yet another sign that Akon may have a bright career ahead of him in comedy should this whole music thing dry up.

Now the girl’s daddy, who’s supposedly some sort of preacher, is all pissed. Authorities in Trinidad are said to be “launching an investigation,” which I took to mean “awaiting blood money from Akon’s label. That’s how things work in the Third World, right?

Here’s the thing: This incident took place in an 18 and over venue. How was Akon supposed to know there were middle school-age girls in the audience?

I could see if the girl got raped or something, but all he did was dance with her. From what I understand, there’s nastier shit that takes place at your average 8th grade mixer here in the States. If you watch the video, it’s not like she tried to fight back or anything.

If anything, it’s too bad that we live in an age when someone like Michelle Malkin can go on the O’Reilly Factor talking shit about people and the next thing you know they’re out of a job.

  • thoreauly77

    hey bol, the language is spelled “ouolof”. of course, we do have differing translations for the language since senegal (and gambia) have been colonized by portugal and france, and also have a huge muslim population.
    so, now akon is a permanent U.S. citizen? has he always been? did he have dual citizenship until 18? i am not quite sure about that , but i do know that the man has several wives, so if he is a U.S. citizen, he could be jailed for polygamy, let alone freaking a child/simulating sex with a child.

  • thoreauly77

    yo eskay, noz’s new post won’t post.

  • these posts are racist

    Well…under US law, ignorance is not a defense, especially in child molestation/rape, etc. cases. The question is whether she was or wasn’t underage.

    As far as the O’Rielly factor, that man has locked up or gotten many people fired. I don’t know why brothas go on his or any Fox News Show…

  • HNIC

    “However, the two of us begin to differ in that Akon has recently been charged with engaging in a lewd sexual act with an underage girl, while yours truly has only fantasized about such while riding around in my minivan.”

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Hilarious… yet, disturbing. You should hang your head in shame, Bol.

  • Fernando

    Thats what he gets for leavin the comfort of the good ol USA.

  • HNIC

    As for Akon; him, R. Kelly and Michael Jackson should throw a concert… preferably behind bars.

  • Fernando

    Good thing Fake Lawyer is here to clear things up. I wonder what other legal tid-bits he has for the blog today?

  • mjgreat2345

    FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!CURTIS!!!!!!!!!!!

  • HNIC

    Why do my posts get deleted, yet there are countless herbs that get to simply post the word “first” or some such and their shit is plastered numerous times in the comments sections on any random post?! That’s bullshit!!!

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >Well…under US law, ignorance is not a defense, especially in child molestation/rape, etc. cases.

    Yeah, but like I said, all this was was dancing.

  • http://blogs.hiphopdx.com/meka Meka Soul

    >However, the two of us begin to differ in that Akon has recently been charged with engaging in a lewd sexual act with an underage girl, while yours truly has only fantasized about such while riding around in my minivan.>

    i quit.

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    that is sooooo yesterday

    *said in white girl voice*

    ultra nullus

  • N.O. 4 life

    good…this dude clogs the radio all day with his songs i need a break….really though if it was a 18 and over event he should be let go….but banned from the radio forever

  • http://xxl q-buro

    if there is grass on the field…play ball and if there is no grass…play in the mud!!!! ya digg

  • these posts are racist

    “Yeah, but like I said, all this was was dancing.”

    I haven’t seen this video…but I did see the video where Akon and his homie were “dancing” with Tara Reid…if the underage dancing was anything like that, a prosecutor could probably charge him with molestation…

    I like Akon, I hope there won’t be a sequal to “Locked up”…and if there is, please don’t put Styles P on it.

  • these posts are racist

    BOL-

    I just watched the video on Paula Zahn…Wow. You really believe that was just “dancing”?

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >I just watched the video on Paula Zahn…Wow. You really believe that was just “dancing”?

    From what I understand, that shit’s de rigeur in the Caribbean.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freak_dancing

  • J.R.O.

    “However, the two of us begin to differ in that Akon has recently been charged with engaging in a lewd sexual act with an underage girl, while yours truly has only fantasized about such while riding around in my minivan.”
    ^^^^^^
    A troubled man, right there.

  • these posts are racist

    …Well, if Akon is brought up on charges, and his lawyers use wikipedia as a defense, then he’s really in trouble.

    I wonder how many redbulls he had before that performance?

  • http://xxlmag.com eskay

    >>From what I understand, that shit’s de rigeur in the Caribbean.

    ^Yeah I was tellin my pops how hypocritical them old West Indians are.

  • http://www.myspace.com/sinistahmoneybagz Sinistah aka Sin Piff

    Akon ain’t goin nowhere, he still gonna be on 30 hooks and 40 remixes per hour on ya favorite radio station.

    i mean what they gonna use his songs as evidence? “Smack Dat”, “I Wanna F..Love You!”

    It’s not like dude signs gospel then has a homemade porn collection, it’s pretty evident what an Akon dance contest would entail.

    This is where that double-edged sword called “Parenting” comes into play. Her Pops should’ve been keepin tabs on her whereabouts and left the lets say auxiliary funds for the accountant to count. Even he said she likes to dance, so oh well!

  • Jason Murk

    I just saw the video, as well as a few pics of the “victim.” This ain’t an R Kelly situation where it was OBVIOUS that the girl was underage. The girl Akon was dancing with looks like she’s as old as me… and I’m 26.

    Akon shouldn’t be at fault here… I blame the horny nigga at the door that let her in the club.

    I actually found her myspace page and it says she’s 19… check this out

    http://www.myspace.com/divatrixie

    And go here to see the video
    http://www.kingsofar.com/2007/05/06/verizon-drops-akon-after-underage-scandal/

  • che

    it ain’t like he pissed on her.

  • http://myspace.com/k0nfidence k0nfidence

    the two of us begin to differ in that Akon has recently been charged with engaging in a lewd sexual act with an underage girl, while yours truly has only fantasized about such while riding around in my minivan.

    –that’s so fuckin money

  • E AKA THE REAL NORIEAGA

    I won’t front that girl Akon grinded on(ayo) could get it.

  • thoreauly77

    hmm, i posted earlier and it never made it. i think thats the first time. what the dealy?

  • crackaz killaz fo lifez niggaz

    how do you say coon in african?

  • FuckUPayMe618

    If they old enough to pee she old enough for me.lol I’m bulshittin Ol girl look at least 20. His punishment should be no more studio time.

  • thatdukeSuave

    #
    che Says:

    May 8th, 2007 at 6:21 pm

    it ain’t like he pissed on her.
    ^^^^^^

    Word. Akon needs to get Kel’s lawyer on the phone quick.

  • eauhellzgnaw

    If the parents had spent more time monitoring their underage daughter, she would not have sucked somebody off to get into a crappy Akon show. Then she would not have been dry humped and exposed to some super prison strain of HIV that can pass through clothes.

    People should be ashamed of themselves for supporting this Adebisi lookin pervert.

    Oh, and he has a range of 3 notes. His shit sounds like it was made for toddlers.

  • bucnasty

    yo bol post a link to that video so i can see for myself (nullus)

  • SKEEN

    WHERE’S THE VIDEO?

  • outya’self

    they gon fry that nigga alive, that shit ain’t gob’ be considered dancin in no court! I jus’ googled the damn thang and homey was given mami the conjugal visit type treatment ya dig! shit he better make this his 15th wife and keep it movin!

  • Chozen

    De riguer or not….child molestation is against the law. So because something is prevalent, it is supposed to be automatically overlooked as being in conformity with the law?

    Bol sometimes your asshole remarks which are meant to convey wit and the profanity of intellect leave me thinking you are just what you come off as being….nuff said!

  • freshman

    Akon is not at fault at all… This is an injustice and, it will have no effect on his sales…

  • stoneyisland

    1st R.Kelly now this fool Akon, when will black men learn to stop messing with these fast tail ass kids? I mean damn are older women that fucked up that now adays brothers only want chicks who play with barbie dolls? this is ome sick shit……….

  • EReal

    Firstly
    @TPAR

    Last time I checked, it was in Trinidad, not the U.S. so your fake ass legal advice is out the window.

    Secondly,

    Another case of the Parents not being held accountable. Yeah the dance was raunchy, but still. If its an 18+ show, wouldnt one assume the girl was 18? If not wouldnt it be the GIRLS fault for even sneaking in and SHE should be in trouble?
    Or how about the parents? That Tara Henley, ooops I mean Tara Reid video has been out forever, after that isnt it obvious that dancing with Akon is like dancing with a silverback in heat?
    The parents should also be held accountable for having their slut ass 14 year old daughter in an 18+ venue. Plus she looked like she knew what she was doing anyway. (No Bol’s Dakota Fanning fascination like that crazy Jap dude)

    Just another case of it being easier to point the finger at the “Big Bad HipHop” instead of taking responsibility for being too busy bangin all the single church moms and acting holier than everyone to make sure your daughter isnt on stage pullin a Superstar K for all youtube to see.

    1 hunned.

  • these posts are racist

    EREAL-and other ignorant bastads….

    Under US law, an American citizen can be tried in the US by US authorities for a crime he committed outside of the US. A US citizen must follow US law whereever he may be.

  • EReal

    TPAR – and other holier than thou cock suckers

    Thats bullshit. So you’re telling me we should go arrest all the kids in Amsterdamn smokin weed? Or all the people sleeping with whores and underage girls in other countries?? Yeah right, he wont get charged with shit. When have you ever heard of someone in China commiting a crime and then being taken to America for trial??? NEVER. DOSENT HAPPEN. If Trinidad thinks he committed a crime, he will be charged in Trinidad, Tried In Trinidad and do his sentence there. There is no way the U.S. can charge you with a crime you didnt even commit in their jurisdiction, its out of their country, its out of their jurisdiction.
    Just like the drug smugglin chick, or the guy who got caned, did they get charged in the US? NOPE.

    GTFOH you wanna be know it all asshole.

    1 hunned.

  • ChiDude

    Y’all give Akon a fcukin break! Its not like the b*tch was white!

  • FLIP

    LMAO @ Ereal

  • Danny

    these posts are racist Says:

    May 9th, 2007 at 11:10 am
    EREAL-and other ignorant bastads….

    Under US law, an American citizen can be tried in the US by US authorities for a crime he committed outside of the US. A US citizen must follow US law whereever he may be.

    ^^^^^^^^^^
    “These posts are racists”,

    Saving one comments section at a time…

  • http://www.modelminority.blogspot.com M.dot

    A. Akon Lied and said that it was a dance contest when infact it wasn’t.

  • Originalhotboi

    I live in canada and in montreal haitian people (which i am) and jamaican people have parties where girls do freakier shit than this. hell if theres reaggae playin nad ur dancin with a woman best belieive you gon finish the dance with a hard-on. Now imagine what goes on in a country when that shit is practicly the national dance!!!!!! Ya’ll should chill her parents ain’t doin they jobs. And PLUS she was dressed like a hoe in an 18+ show…. SHE WAS PRATICLY ASKING TO GET FREAKED PLEASE BELIEVE

  • Duro

    whoever said you can get charge with a US crime when your a US citizen outside of the US sounds so stupid!

  • AshleyMc

    However, the two of us begin to differ in that Akon has recently been charged with engaging in a lewd sexual act with an underage girl, while yours truly has only fantasized about such while riding around in my minivan.
    ______________________________________

    Bol u are such a perv. I bet you used hump the sh/t out of Mysize Barbies when you were a kid…

  • GMoney

    Bottom line…..14 yr old in an club where she dosen’t belong. Let’s blame Akon because he would get more press and give hip hop a black eye. O’reilly just wanna jump on the back of hip hop like a rodeo rider. Notice O’reilly dosen’t have any positive hip hop artist to talk about cause negativity makes ratings.

  • pam

    Daddy Pastor needs to teach Baby Girl to do better…after seeing the other pics of her that are being passed around online..This is just one fresh 14 yr old who dresses like a grown woman (or stripper). Any humiliation she has suffered was self inflicted and the damage was done well before this Akon concert. Akon needs to sue Daddy for letting his 14 yr old daughter own clothes that are sold at Fredricks Of Hollywood