Exploring The D.N.A. Of Your Favorite Rapper

A few months ago there was a huge news story about how Barack Obaama’s DNA established the white side of his lineage. As if that wasn’t obvious enough by looking at dude. The truth about DNA that nobody is really discussing is that you can use it to draw connections between humans and our non-human predecessors. DNA establishes the “missing link” between man and animals. Christian conservative politicians don’t want that type of information circulated through the media, but your favorite blogger’s favorite blogger, Billy X. Sunday, has a young scientist chemistry kit that he has used to do secret lab tests on the DNA of your favorite rappers.

Instead of telling you obvious stuff like Diddy’s relatives once owned slaves or that Eminem is actually a lightskinned Black male I dug deeper into the scientific wormhole to find out which animals your favorite rappers have evolved from. I use the term ‘evolved’ very loosely. Let’s see what some of my results are…

Jay-Z = humpback camel
This one was too easy.

Puff Diddy = great white shark
Everyone that has gotten in the tank with Diddy has lost at least a limb. Jennifer Lopez isn’t hot any longer, the Lox are no longer the best rap group, Shyne is still in jail, Ma$e is gay, and we all know what happened to B.I.G.

Rich Boy = random bird
You ever see this dude with no shirt on?

Busta Rhymes = coyote
The older he gets the less he can be domesticated. He’s the most likely to bite off the hand of his trainers too.

Jeezy = seal
My grandfather told me to never trust a Black man that doesn’t have a moustache.

Lil’ Wang = squirrel
Dude likes nuts in his mouth. I don’t say that to be funny, I’m just repeating what he said on the track right here.

Lil’ Kim = chameleon
I haven’t seen Kim in a minute and if she is still fucking around with that plastic surgeon then Lord knows what she looks like now.

Eve = fox
The finest chick in the rap game. Evar.

Kanye West and Pharell Williams = Peacocks
Could it be all the colorful tight tee shirts? Yep.

Science is fun when you use it for good. Next week we’ll figure out which rappers are most likely to have several banned substances in their bloodstreams.

  • anonymous

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 3rdwardheatseeka

    funny shit
    what about 50 monkey looking ass

  • http://cajunpeach.typepad.com/ Cajun Peach

    haha hellnaw, what about foxy brown and TI????

  • Pablo

    “but your favorite blogger’s favorite blogger, Billy X. Sunday”

    Bol is not my favorite blogger.

  • icey SFD

    can’t say nothin about fiddy…

    he’s too rich.

  • Ceezy

    i dont say fiddy, i say fifty, i think only crackas call him fiddy lol

  • Ceezy

    i dont say fiddy, i say fifty, i think only crackas call him fiddy lol

  • Ceezy

    i dont say fiddy, i say fifty, i think only crackas call him fiddy lol

  • HNIC

    This was actually a funny post! Although, I think that Rich Boy and T.I. could be interchangeable, because they both look like they could fit the “random bird” comparison, plus they kinda sound the same on some of their songs.

    Snoop Dogg would definitely have to be a Doberman Pincher, considering that he has an uncanny resemblance and the fact that he morphed into one during the “What’s My Name?” video.

    And finally, Flaayyyvor Flayyyyyv, would definitely be a Raccoon, because he always looks bugged out when he doesn’t have his shades on, like he just finished rummaging through someone’s garbage.

  • NoMamesBuey

    BX Sunday, your self-ethering continues

    “Jennifer Lopez isn’t hot any longer”

    WTF, J-Lo is still fine. She’s like 37 so of course she’s fallen off a bit from her 27-yr old level, but she’s still at least 9/10.

    Your J-Lo statement is borderline gay. Maybe blogging about the gay Wayne so often has detrimental effects to you.

  • HNIC

    Oh yeah, and Eminem would have to be “Big Bird”, because he used to sound like him on some of his earlier recordings (listen to “My Name Is”, then tell me if I’m lyin’) . They’re both anomalies, like they were transformed from being too close to a Nuclear Power Plant… Em for his crazy rhyming ability (I’m not trying to play the race card, but c’mon) and Big Bird, because… well hell, where else would you find a big ass 6 foot bird?

  • Dr Flav

    Salt and Pepa, The Real Roxxanne, MC Lyte, YoYo, Queen Pen, Ntyce, Jean Grae >>>> Eve. That is all.

  • Ali

    haha that was funny….chea TIP coulda been a bird but DMX should be a dog haha straight up…..tha most slef explanatory one ever haha….that guy is a dog period im convinced lol……& 50 shoulda been a gorilla i mena cmon gorilla unit….easy one lol…jadakiss should be a turtle too haha he looks like one of tha ninja turtles

  • beeyo

    Hahaha at Jeezy and Weezy. That is all.

  • KGezzey

    this is the dumbest thginbg i ever heard

  • Carlito

    ALI, if anyone should have been a turtle, its Mike Jones, and we all know that.

    Ay, Billy, how come you didnt say DMX was a wilddog? That should have been an easy one. Fucking around barking and getting caught and shit all the time.

    And T.I. is a lion, slim, fast and nobody fucks with him in the south. Africa with lions is in the south. You know.. King of da serengeti and shit.

    Rick Ross: Hippopotamus, both looks and sounds like one.

    Cam: Greyhound. Dude can run. No hating though lol, gotta love Killa.

    Hell Rell: http://www.funmansion.com/images/ugliestCat2.jpg
    Dude is just ugly.

    And so that I wont get hated on by Diplomat blogreaders for this: DIPSET ALL DAY.

  • x-mas kid

    ALI says
    jadakiss should be a turtle too haha he looks like one of the ninja turtles

    ur gay….corney ass white boy..lol

  • T.R.E.Y.

    c’mon now, everyone knows Jeezy’s a turtle. just ask Noz.

    i’ll admit it may be a little harder to tell with his cap on, though.

  • T.R.E.Y.

    and Eve really ain’t that bomb.

  • hahaha

    Jeezy = seal
    My grandfather told me to never trust a Black man that doesn’t have a moustache.

    ^hahahahahahaha, lawd, that one had me rollin.

  • Smokey McPot

    Sunday is right on this one for sure.

    “Lil’ Kim = chameleon
    I haven’t seen Kim in a minute and if she is still fucking around with that plastic surgeon then Lord knows what she looks like now.”

    Props for that one, the girl used to be cute back in the juniour mafia in a round the way girl kind of way, now she just looks like Micheal Jackson with a better nosejob and titty imlants.

  • babyboy

    hahaha Says:

    June 1st, 2007 at 4:50 am
    Jeezy = seal
    My grandfather told me to never trust a Black man that doesn’t have a moustache.

    ^hahahahahahaha, lawd, that one had me rollin
    that 1 killed me 2, lol
    u doin the best blogs no Billy x, keep goin.

    rick ross- Snail, nigga always high, and slow as a motehrfucker

    50 cent- Lion, nigga smart as hell, always the leader

    Ne-yo- Duck, they just lookalike
    lol

  • ACE

    50 Cent = “He look like a gorilla, with rabbit teeth”

  • Danny

    3rdwardheatseeka Says:

    May 31st, 2007 at 11:35 pm
    funny shit
    what about 50 monkey looking ass

    ^^^
    Remember he can’t talk bad about 50, 50 pays him….

  • John Brown

    Rich Boy = random bird
    You ever see this dude with no shirt on?
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Billy,

    I doubt that RICH BOY is someones favorite rapper.

  • Mel

    Actually lil “wayne” does not like no damn nuts in his mouth so get off that and quit raggin on him cuz he the best rapper ALIVE” and as for gay-Z hell yea his big headed ass is a camel…

  • Next

    Thiss dude is a hater, for real. He stay hating on the south for everything, from rappers skills to looks. Kinda make me question, why?

  • http://www.myfreepaysite.com EReal

    LOL @ The Comments.

    Its funny how you insinuate about Ye, Pharell, and Wang, but you straight up call mase gay. lmao.

    Add T-Pain to the homo-roll-call as well. WTF is wrong with that dude?

  • Incilin

    “Jeezy = seal
    My grandfather told me to never trust a Black man that doesn’t have a moustache.”

    ^^^^ LMAO

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    Billy X. Sunday=Golden bamboo lemur

  • http://www.myfreepaysite.com EReal

    Bol = Sloth

    The resemblence is obvious.

  • HNIC

    I’ll take the Eminem/Big Bird comparison a couple of steps further, by saying that they’re both considered pop culture icons… not to mention their monetary net worth being astronomical.

    And as much as I’d hate to say it, 50 would have to be a Gorilla, because he refers to himself as one (Admittedly, that’s what he said the “G” in G-Unit stands for) and you have to admit that he does look like one. Especially on the cover of the latest issue of XXL Magazine’s competitor.

  • SukedowN

    Jezzy a seal?

    Everyone knows Jeezy is a black turtle.

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    EReal Says:

    June 1st, 2007 at 9:27 am
    Bol = Sloth

    The resemblence is obvious.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    LMAO…i seen those things on animal planet…they move slow as cheese…it takes them a whole day to travel 400 yards…

  • Tyler
  • http://www.myspace.com/sinistahmoneybagz Sinistah aka Sin Piff

    Billy you My Dude, But lmaoooooooo, yo sun, lmaooooo

    i can’t finish typin this shit dat was wild, but i needed the laugh, waitin at the bank on the 1st of the month is funny and saddening in itself when u see at least 5 peoples doing the Eddie Caine Lean b4 They reach The Teller.

  • http://www.myfreepaysite.com EReal

    The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE Says:

    June 1st, 2007 at 9:51 am
    EReal Says:

    June 1st, 2007 at 9:27 am
    Bol = Sloth

    The resemblence is obvious.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    LMAO…i seen those things on animal planet…they move slow as cheese…it takes them a whole day to travel 400 yards…
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    LOLLL! Im serious mang, just look at a pic of one’s face and look at the pic of Bol next to his blog, he looks like a sloth hangin from a damn tree.
    LMAO @ Slow as Cheese.

  • Danny

    BET’s “Jay-z goes to africa”….

    A Camel on A Camel

  • http://www.myspace.com/sinistahmoneybagz Sinistah aka Sin Piff

    lmaooo@Ereal

  • HNIC

    Dr Flav Says:

    June 1st, 2007 at 1:07 am
    Salt and Pepa, The Real Roxxanne, MC Lyte, YoYo, Queen Pen, Ntyce, Jean Grae >>>> Eve. That is all.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Don’t forget to mention Lauryn Hill!

  • Hip Hop since 79′

    Jeezy = seal
    My grandfather told me to never trust a Black man that doesn’t have a moustache.
    ^^^^^^
    That’s some bugged out true shit.

  • Carlito

    Danny says: A Camel on A Camel.

    ^ LOOL, gotta love that.

  • Carlito

    John Brown Says:

    Billy, I doubt that RICH BOY is someones favorite rapper.

    ^ So fucking true. But he was put in there to replace 50. Lord knows XXLmag got a thing for him.

    Sorry, *from him.

  • cuban link

    ahah lmao, but yo j.lo is still hot billy fuck outta here

  • http://www.plasticsquirtguns.blogspot.com thoreauly77

    real or fake animals

    chamillionaire = monchee-chee
    lil wayne = mogwai
    busta rhymes (with dreads) = predator
    jeezy, jada, mike jones, beanie = teenage mutant ninja turtles
    elliot wilson = splinter
    trife da god = soldier ant (look at the size of that noggin, he’s like an upside-down bobble head!)
    lil flip = hound dog (flip has sad eyes, no?)

  • cuban link

    Mel Says:

    June 1st, 2007 at 8:55 am
    Actually lil “wayne” does not like no damn nuts in his mouth so get off that and quit raggin on him cuz he the best rapper ALIVE” and as for gay-Z hell yea his big headed ass is a camel

    ^wow, way to stand up for weezy u fucking pansy

  • rec

    what about the Gorilla Unit? (nullus)

  • Dr Flav

    HNIC, I sure did forget Ms Hill. Nas = chipmunk Talib Kweli = Ocelot Lloyd Banks = Sloth Tony Wayo = Horned Owl (no Beans (tomcat) and Peedi (goose) video) Papoose = Gecko Lizard

  • Stack$

    you catz be cracking me up! RICH BOY – RANDOM BIRD! fuck that got me choking

  • havoc

    no points for guessing chamillionaire.

  • ya get SKEETED on!

    mike jones=raphael
    jadakiss=leonardo
    jeezy=michelangelo
    bol=donatello(the nerdy, teh ghey one)
    snoop dogg=splinter

  • That Dude

    What are you talking about Eve? I mean she ok looking, but Lauryn Hill looked kinda right back in the day!!

  • Mr.Defrosted

    ….. Funny

  • Dr Flav

    Are they baller blocking on XXL?

  • BIGNAT

    THE POST IS FUNNY AND THE COMMENTS ARE FUNNIER

  • MAC 50

    funny ass post. dead on about fagget ass lil wayne.

  • Waynes01fan

    c’mon man how u try to rank on wayne like that really i don’t give about the rest but wayne!

  • lilwayne01fan

    c’mon man how u gon try and rank on wayne like that erbody knw he the best rapper alive and he reppin south all day er’day son don’t hate cuz what he said bout the nuts on the drought 3 takin ova was tight can’t nobody mess with that man lyricllay