Saturday Night Science Class
Is it possible for one group of people to gradually morph into another group of people over time? For a while now, I’ve had this pet theory that Asian women are becoming the new white women, white women are becoming the new black women, and black women are becoming the new Samoans; and I wonder if this current onslaught of female blue-eyed soul singers, which I’ve taken to calling the Pink Toe Invasion, is only the latest stage of this.
As bizarre as this all sounds, there is physical evidence that seems to confirm this theory. For example, it used to be the case that Asian women were built like adolescent boys (no Elton John’s birthday party), but, according to a report I read last year, this is no longer the case. In fact, bra manufacturers in China have had to increase production of C-, D-, and E-cup bras, and many of them aren’t even bothering to produce the old A-cup models anymore.
And I don’t think I need to describe to you d-bags what’s been going on with white women’s bodies in the past few years. The weird thing about it is that white women with black women’s asses have become so much more commonplace in the past few years. There’s yet to be the white equivalent of, say, Buffie the Body, but there’s just so many more PAWGs walking around today than there was as recently as when I was in high school, which was not that long ago.
Suffice it to say this is not a bad time to be a guy, provided you’re open to “exploring your options.”
The thing is, such physical differneces can easily be explained away as having to do with the diet. The economy is not doing nearly as good today as it was back in the 1990s, so maybe more and more white women are having to eat at McDonalds three and four times a week as if they were black people. And our import/export ratio with China has never been worse, so more and more of them can afford to eat meat in addition to their usual rice and seaweed or whatever.
But white women can’t all of a sudden start singing like black women just because they aren’t taking very good care of themselves, right? I mean, Carnie Wilson was fat like a motherfucker, and she didn’t sound anything like a black woman (though “Hold On” is still my shit). Christina Aguilera and Joss Stone, meanwhile? They might even sound better than actual black chicks. No, obviously something else is going on here.
Granted, I’m aware of the few prior examples of white chicks who kinda sounded like black chicks, such as Teena Marie and Taylor Dayne. But go back and listen to those records. They don’t sounds so much like actual black women as they do white women who took a few wrong turns in life and somehow ended up hanging out with with Rick James. On the contrary, what we’re witnessing today is something entirely unprecedented.
Which begs the question: What if, rather than being some temporary trend, this really is the next stage in evolution? Obviously I’m no scientist, but I think the evidence I’ve presented here speaks for itself. What do you ‘bags think?
UPDATE: I added a few links for those of us who may lack a frame of reference with regard to these issues.