Lil Mama’s nasty lil’ secret

First of all, if you haven’t seen Lil’ Mama’s video for her hot new single “Lip Gloss,” you’re going to want to check that out. Not because it’s good or anything, but because it will be key to understanding the rest of this post. Pitchfork posted it today to their usually pretty decent Forkcast new music blog. (Needless to say, they’re fucking in love with it.)

“Lip Gloss” @ Forkcast

The plot of said video in a nut shell: Lil’ Mama complains to her mother that she just doesn’t seem to have what it takes to make it with the cool crowd at school. Her mother responds by giving her a thing of lip gloss. Lil’ Mama puts the lip gloss on and suddenly becomes the most popular girl in the school. Hmm…

*thinks about all the most popular girls at his own high school*

Three and a half minutes later…

The idea of a girl putting on magic lip gloss and suddenly becoming the most popular girl in school seems innocent enough, in a Disney Channel sort of way, but I think the incident last year with Cassie’s “Me & U,” which is all about her oral sex technique, proves that you can never be too sure when it comes to these kiddie pop records.

Indeed, I’m pretty sure Lil’ Mama’s “Lip Gloss” is yet another kiddie pop record that’s secretly all about oral sex. Think about it: what kind of guy do you know who would develop a crush on a broad because she wore a certain brand of lip gloss?

One thing you’ll notice though is that Lil’ Mama sports a ridonkulous set of DSLs in the “Lip Gloss” video. And if you think about it, what’s the point of lip gloss anyway other than to signal to guys that you give a mean mouth hug? I mean, if all you wanted to do is make sure your lips don’t get dry and cracked, there’s always ChapStick.

Another reason young girls rock lip gloss these days is to attend so-called rainbow parties, in which girls compete to see how deep they can take a guy’s schlong in their throats. The way it works is that they all wear different shades of lip gloss and compare who can leave a mark the furtherst along a guy’s rod.

Prediction: If “Lip Gloss” becomes a big hit (and here’s praying to Allah that it doesn’t) we’ll be treated to yet another round of alarming stories about rainbow parties as well as any number of other such deviant sexual bullshit that kids are into, like these poor bastards who die doing that thing where you damn near choke yourself to death and then jerk off.

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the whole point of “Lip Gloss” anyway: ruffle a few feathers with stories of young girls blowing people, sell a million records, then take the money and run. As was the case with the Cassie record, Lil’ Mama herself might not even be in on the song’s secret meaning, but I think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here.

  • Tha Ace

    uhh who cares what whores do unless my daughter one day ends up bein one of them lil bitches

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    Another reason young girls rock lip gloss these days is to attend so-called rainbow parties, in which girls compete to see how deep they can take a guy’s schlong in their throats. The way it works is that they all wear different shades of lip gloss and compare who can leave a mark the furtherst along a guy’s rod.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    wow….that is wild yo…so it is one bird…lucky guy…

  • G Off

    Wow, I nominate THA ACE for parent of the year. But, let’s not forget the real issue here: Lil Mama is actually Lil Bow Wow. For real, watch the video and tell me that isn’t Bow Wow! I mean seriously.

  • The Spaniard

    This post is accurate to 1/100 of a probability unit. Bol for President ’08.

  • king blair

    lil mama can get it in bout 2 years an that was lil kim as her mom in the video from what i heard so it makes sense she could suck a mean dick

  • http://blogs.hiphopdx.com/meka Meka Soul

    >Think about it: what kind of guy do you know who would develop a crush on a broad because she wore a certain brand of lip gloss?>

    someone from the lil wayne school of homosexuality.

  • http://blogs.hiphopdx.com/meka Meka Soul

    >…who die doing that thing where you damn near choke yourself to death and then jerk off.>

    didn’t the lead singer from inxs kill himself doing that shit?

  • k-swanga

    I didnt even know about this song before I read the post…I think it’s gonna be a long hot summer.

    All hail King Bol.

  • king blair

    >someone from the lil wayne school of homosexuality.>

    he too busy kissing baby to have crushes on girls an that bitch already taller than that nigga

  • http://www.myspace.com./brickyardpro Brickyard Pro

    First it seems to be a growing number of perverts who deal or think about young girls in a sexual way four words stay away from mine

  • Yung Ether

    I figured this out like two weeks ago. It’s the only reason i can think of for her to be sayin the same fuckin 4 lines thru the whole song.

  • Hip Hop since 79′

    BOL on some R Kelly shit.

  • Hip Hop since 79′

    Bol, on that R. Kelly shit. Short Eyes..

  • John Cochran

    I’d pound her young ass, I dont give a fuck. I take 17 and up. Them some high speed dsl’s right there.

  • http://hmblog.wordpress.com Reecie

    Wow…you’re really stretching here! Why can’t something be harmless? Most girls/women love lip gloss…and it has nothing to do with something sexual.

  • REALTALK

    DAMN…HIP HOP IS DYING MORE AND MORE EACH DAY…WHEN WILL REAL HIP HOP GET MORE ATTENTION AND ALL THESE FUCKING NOVELTY ACTS STOP GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION…..FUCK THE INDUSTRY…

  • JERSEY

    MAN FUCK DIS STUPID AS NIGAA!!!
    I GOTTA SAY DAT HE RIGHT ABOUT CASSIE BUT !WHO THE FUCK CARES!!!!
    DIS NIGGA NEED 2 HOP THA FUCK OFF DAT GIRL JOCK!!
    FUCKIN LOSER!!

  • JERSEY

    I HOPE HE DIES!!!!!
    LOL!!

  • a_loco

    dude, i believed you when you said we should watch the video. Now i shall never forgive you, that post would have made sense without listening to that shit.

  • daesonesb

    >>The way it works is that they all wear different shades of lip gloss and compare who can leave a mark the furtherst along a guy’s rod.

    You are definitely forgetting something here. NULLUS!

  • http://www.msn.com King Ben Fo’ real

    BOL,your fool dawg. Man, I agree that shit was funny. Yo, I have had mad head and let me tell you that lip gloss is the KY jelly of oral sex. That little bitch in the video got popular as hell cuz she was taking dick to the dome, not cuz she through on lip shine.

  • DocZeus

    ahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahaha

    WOW

    Truth be told yo her little ASS can get it(with them DSL’s) when she’s 18, butt the young chicks is the ones that r open.I always wondered why when I was coming up while I used 2 see the older heads at the time kicking game to the young chicks. Then next week they checking for the friend shit some times the next day. hhhhhhmmmmm

  • dameSTATii

    2 things:

    I thought the chick was hurt (ugly), unless you hate your black self and fetishize all things light, bright and almost white.. Eazy E’s daughter is way finer (No NAMGLA)

    2: Glad I’m having a son!

  • Cuban Link

    but Me & U>Lip Gloss, cuz Cassie was hotter and legal.

  • BRUTHA-MAN

    BOL…YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A DUMB PERSON. IF U HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE…THEN JUST DO THAT…DON’T WRITE!

  • peezee the jeteye

    so um whens the next scheduled rainbow party????? i’m trying to be a playing field

  • http://www.teenchat.com CHICAGO PaPii

    Shorty look like what we in Chicago like to term it a “Bust Down” in the video, her Lip Gloss Cool fetish is quite perverse, and the companies and adults who manage her need they’re ass Whipped! But this is the Real Future of Hip-Hop: Dumb songs, sex, untalented artist and “The Man” making Money off of it.

  • Fatha Fig

    This is a relatively innocent song. There’s much more blatantly suggestive lyrical content out there to get riled up about. And it’s stuff in the mega mainstream right under our noses! I’d say “Lip Gloss” is sainthood compared to 90% of what’s out there these days. (Does anyone remember “Whistle While You Twurk”?? That was on the radio!!!)

  • HIJOKKA

    BOL, you make a moral point, but like you said it’s about tha cheddar$$$ not what’s right. I’m thinking at the same time what would I think when I was mad younger and we (as kids) would of liked it. Look it’s too late to fix society but it’s good to here you (BOL) actually write on something that is important and should be addressed by a member of the Hip-Hop community. I can’t believe I’m giving you props. The “Bow-Wow” thing — most definitely. I thought the same thing the thru the whole video.

  • ak47

    so if what u say is true, than pop singers are using sex to try and sell records.

    groundbreaking work here.

  • DANJA29

    This broad doesn’t look a day under 25. I thought this was some silly-ass song by a little girl until I saw that video, now I’m almost convinced that her Roxanne Shante-esque delivery may very well be because she grew up a fan of hers.

    And that said, what I’m thinkin’ is not illegal- she looks like she could definitely suck-start a muscle car.

    If all of this is true, this means that we have now gone thru two consecutive summers of hit songs by untalented hoes with nice-ass lips braggin’ about how their DSL’s are the talk of the town. Which at the end of the day just makes it easier for you to identify who the sure-shot knob-slobbers are when at the club.

  • BIGNAT

    lil mama can get it in bout 2 years thats what king blair said. i agree she got them DSL’s and she don’t look bad either.

  • THAT Negro

    Where were these so called “Rainbow Parties” when I was a kid?!?! We had Nintendo and sports to keep us busy, back in the day…

  • Shay aka A&R SuperStar

    THANK YOU FOR STATING THIS IS A POP RECORD AND NOT HIP HOP!!

    KUDOS MR BOL!!

  • Malcolm X

    I wouldn’t be surprised if that song was about her sucking that dick.lol Now a days chicks start in bout the 7th grade. Hope I don’t have a daughter .With the right talk nowadays u can get any girl’s pussy in a week. Good post BOl. East St.louis stand up

  • MAC 50a

    watchin that video was a waste of 4 minutes of my life. the girl don’t look good anyway so if you’re right that’s about all she’d be good for

  • http://yahoo cohlahs

    yall talkin crazy!!!!!!!!

  • http://myspace.com/twooddaproducer T. Wood….Central Grove Representa

    damn…whats the world comin to for real..all the subliminal messages in the songs….from now on these hoes should just get straight to the point…….they suckin dick so come get it..

  • DIPSET

    i really dont give 2 shits but i woodnt mind lil mama and her girlfriends to give me a rainbow party then i’ll give them a baby shower
    p.s. the song sucks

  • DIPSET

    i really dont give 2 shits but i woodnt mind lil mama and her girlfriends to give me a rainbow party then i’ll give them a baby shower
    p.s. the song sucks

  • Moe Real

    Wow…you are getting hornier with every post. You should start a PayPal account to get a prostitute. I know it’s not an ideal way to score some sex, but at least you’ll get it out of your system and start writing about Pimp C again.

  • Young Carter

    Where can I get ‘rainbow parited’? Sounds like heaven.

  • EReal

    Bol you’re a sick bastard. You degenerate sexual deviant mo’fucka.

    First Dakota Fanning, and now LiL Mama?

    Next thing Bol will hear-
    “Hi My Name’s Chris Hanson”

    Sick Fuck.

    1 hunned.

  • J Millz

    BoL……. your officially a faget. You wrote an article about the ” secret meaning of lip gloss”. WOOOOOOOOOOOOW.
    Go beatcha dick or somethin’. You been makin some stupid ass blogs lately.

  • G Off

    Man, it is surprising how many dudes on here want to bang Bow Wow when he turns 18… some can’t even wait!

  • Maddi Is Gangs

    Hey dat bitch is my age. I’ll let her drink from the fountain.

  • kt

    yeah I thought about that when I saw the video my little 4yr old walk around talking bout what you no bout me but in this day in age they trying to sell sex to our kids everyday early look at all that shit that come on mtv not even late night gay shit sex shit on all day from 10am until how come knowbody blaming hollywood for this bitches and ho shit most rap cats that brag babout not going to school got all influence by tv and movies you forgot scareface influence a whole generation and is on its way to influence another

  • LJ

    This article is a mess! Its a innocent song about damn lip gloss!

  • A.Cambry

    “And if you think about it, what’s the point of lip gloss anyway other than to signal to guys that you give a mean mouth hug?”

    Wow, that incredibly stupid. You don’t get much ass do you? Women wear lip gloss for the same reason they wear eye shadow, because it’s makeup.

  • Southern_Observer

    I concur G OFF.I thought I was the only one thinking that she looked like Bow Wow. It’s all in that mannish lookin’ face. Even though the article was insightful, I wouldn’t have never though that much into the whole Lip Gloss thing. Well, at least I know the acronym DSL could have more than 1 meaning.

  • THA GRINDAHOLIC

    IM GLAD SHE MADE THA SONG YALL BEEEEZYS NEED TA STOP FRONTIN LIKE DONT GIVE DOME BOSS A NIG UP AND LIP GLOSS IS COO BUT LIKE TOO SHORT SAID “SHE GIVE HEAD WIT 2 HANDS AND A WHOLE LOTTA SPIT”

    http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/THAGRINDAHOLIC

  • http://www.myspace.com/gopentertainment Sayso is Donny Slaughter

    Yeah, dat breezy hurtin’ 4 certain, it’s a wrap, close da curtainz, ain’t she too young to be a transvegetable???

  • doczeus

    g – off and southern observer

    You too are of course GAY.

    Dudes who look at a female an IMAGAINE/THINK of a GUY are such.

    WTF keep ya homo comments to ya’ll selfs.

    QUEERS

  • ceezy4sheezy

    G Off Says:

    April 17th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
    Wow, I nominate THA ACE for parent of the year. But, let’s not forget the real issue here: Lil Mama is actually Lil Bow Wow. For real, watch the video and tell me that isn’t Bow Wow! I mean seriously
    ^^^^^^^^

    lmao That bitch do look like Bow Wow and all these niggaz on here talking about he could what’s wrong with this world

  • Donpella

    Check this, I’m a young black male and I say :See, this kinda imagery is where the terms “nappy headed hoes” come from. This lil chick doesn’t even respect herself, so how can I. When I seen the video, I thought “who is this lil hoe, trying to make a song about lip gloss and sucking cock.” If called her a hoe, she doesn’t deserve the right to get angry, because thats how she pertrays herself and it’s actually kinda funny.

  • Tashae

    my lip gloss is poppin

  • http://ladyk1oxox.com.piczo kk

    i like that song

  • http://ladyk1oxox.com.piczo kk

    i like that song

  • dipset

    eww damn iz it true wat peeps be sayin dat lil mama iz realli bow wow

  • Gama

    I AM GAY, HERE’S MY NUMBER 281-330-8004. CALL ME FO BLOWS.

  • http://secretlyironic.com Verbal

    Uh, no. 1) “Rainbow parties” don’t actually exist. 2) You must not have been in junior high, when boys obsess over girls for any reason at all (“she got nice hair, I’ve never talked to her, but I loooooove her”) and this is totally a cute song about exactly what it says. Relax– you can’t allow anything to be just a fun, innocent song?

  • vtrue

    that comes from your own twisted mind. this is a young talented mc, talking about having fun and being a girl. that is just an assumption that leads to more stereotypes about young black women. it is your own negative and terrible fantasy. I actually know this young women, she is truly the voice of the young people. a good person with good family around her. respect

  • http://www.myspace.com CIERA

    ssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don’t hate

  • yes

    she’s young and naive, she probably didnt even catch the underlying message when she was in the studio singin it

  • Jenah says WHF

    uh yall need some help people make up songs so that they can get some money. There probably wasnt a message. Just a song. Dang people dont get it. First you like the song then you find something wrong with it.Make up your mind. Or shut up. And the song is about lip gloss. I COULD SEE IF SHE SAID MY LIP GLOSS IS GETTING ME BOYS. ITS MAKIN ME GET SOME. WTF IS WRONG WITH YALL PEOPLE SOME OF YALL NEED TO GET A LIFE

  • big booty bitch

    yo u look good can i get in them jeans

  • http://n/a nathan james

    can i get in where i fit in

  • http://geile-chefin.com JealseLef

    did you do your css on your own ?

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