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Free R. Kelly

I try not to read VIBE magazine as a rule, because I’m not teh ghey like that, but I see this month’s issue has a big cover story on whether R. Kelly is guilty of a crime, or just guilty of being black.

You’ll recall that R. Kelly was busted a long-ass time ago when a video surfaced of him banging some 15 going on 30 year-old woman and then taking a piss on her. The tape was widely bootlegged and became a minor Paris Hilton-style sensation despite the fact that the girl featured in it was way under age.

I suppose it would be self-incrimination to suggest that I’ve seen the video myself, but suffice it to say that broad could’ve fooled me as well. Is that what R. Kelly’s defense is supposed to be? (I didn’t bother actually reading the story.) I mean, is there anyone who doesn’t believe R. Kelly is a big ol’ pedophile?

In addition to the Piss on You video, you’ll recall that R. Kelly was busted again when 5-0 raided his home down in Florida and found a camcorder with more footage of him doing his thing. But that evidence had to be thrown out because they didn’t have the proper search warrants or some shit.

And there had been rumblings all throughout the 1990s of him cruising for young tail at his old high school and at the same Rock N’ Roll McDonalds immortalized in song by the late, great Wesley Willis, including his brief marriage to the similarly late though debatably great Aaliyah. (I wonder if she got peed on.)

The thing about R. Kelly, as my old man’s college roommate Kevin likes to point out, is that the guy is kind of a genius. It’s hard to argue with the contribution Arruh has made to society, what with him having produced such great works as the “Ignition” remix and his remix of Bow Wow’s “I’m a Flirt,” which doesn’t even have Bow Wow on it. Fuck Bow Wow.

And a case could be made that when it comes to statutory rape, as long as there was no real damage done, why should anyone be penalized? Again, I can’t claim any first hand(!) knowledge of the video in question, but my guess is that it wasn’t this broad’s first time being peed on, let alone doing the nasty.

As far as the race element is concerned, I can kinda see that as well. Didn’t Jerry Lee Lewis once marry his teenage cousin? His career may have never rebounded (this was, after all, the 1950s), but I don’t see him in jail. What ever happened to equal protection under the law?

Don’t make Arruh put the whole damn system on trial!

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