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Billy Sunday On Trendwatch – Rappers With British Accents

Someone asked me the other day if I was going to swagger jack all of the XXL Mag Dot Com columnists and that gave me a great idea. Why don’t I swagger jack all of the XXL Mag Dot Com bloggers instead? That sounds like a fun idea and I’m glad thought of it. Sitting here in the XXL offices can get a little boring sometimes in between rappers beating up children and dry snitching so to pass the time I like to throw my snot filled napkins into the other bloggers cubicles.

Today’s snot rag goes into noz’ workspace as I examine some rappers who use British accents. If you are a fan of Hip-Hop and the CBS Evening News you should know that Britain is extremely overjoyed that their spies were returned by Iran without any decapitations, as Muslim countries are fond of doing to foreigners caught doing espionage. The British used to be so good at spying back when Roger Moore was on the scene. Everybody after him was limp wrested, but Pierce Brosnan got that off in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’.

There was a minute when British sounding emcees were all the rage in Hip-Hop. They wore Kangol driving caps and tweed blazers while everyone else was dressed in Black and had an African medallion around their neck. The funny thing was that none of these rappers were British, well, maybe one, MC Ricky Dee. They only used British accents to pick up chicks and disguise their weak rhyme skills. For all of those reasons, and the fact that Slick Rick was one of the greatest entertainers to move a crowd.

Slick Rick – It was 1986 and I was listening to a choppy Maxell cassette in the high school lunchroom of a performance that Doug E Fresh and his sidekick, Slick Rick gave at this roller skating rink in Harlem called The Rooftop. The song was a story rhyme called ‘La-Di-Da-Di’ and it was one of the illest songs I had ever heard. It combined everything under the sun in the day of a true B-boy. It was funny and still cautionary. It was flamboyant without being cocky like a poser. It was real. Slick Rick validated the British accent.

Dana Dane – Some folks thought that Dane Dane and Slick Rick were brothers because dude dressed just like Ricky Dee. He copied homeboy’s swagger to a tee, but was missing the most crucial element – lyrics. Dana Dane’s classic jam is called ‘Nightmares’ and it is composed like a Slick Rick fairytale fraught with self-deprecating humor and a surprise ending. After that song I forget what happened to Dana Dane. His producer Herby Luv Bug became too busy with another gimmick girl rap group he started called Salt-N-Pepa. If you listen to their first few songs they might be trying to use British accents too.

Kwame – Everyone remembers that line from B.I.G. about being played out like Kwame and polka dots, but did y’all know that Kwame gets type checks for the producing that he does? Who’s laughing now? Obviously not B.I.G. Kwame was another dude from the Herby Luv Bug camp that used a British accent. What’s interesting to note here is that Herby is actually Haitian, but no one from his team ever rapped in a French accent. Too bad for them that they didn’t have the foresight to recognize how Tony Yayo would singlehandedly (with the backside at that) bring Haitian people to the top of gangsta rap trash heap.

Monie Love – She was really from England and she came to America to pursue her dream of Hip-Hop. At first she brushed Queen Latifah’s wig but she had to quit that job since she wasn’t too keen on wearing Latifah’s thighs like they were headphones. Native Tongue scooped her up and she got to be a part of the seminal safe sex jam – ‘Buddy’. Good times.

Left Eye – She was from Atlanta, but nobody from Atlanta is actually from Atlanta. T.L.C. sold millions of albums, but made no money since this was before the time of cross promotional divestment. If T.L.C. were around today they would have a clothing line as well as a brand of feminine hygiene products (scrubs) and definitely a line of condoms.

Dizzee Rascal – This dude is an honest to goodness Londoner so he’s allowed to use a British accent. Due to the fact that he’s Black you can’t call him British, but he is one of the best rappers to come from across the pond. He’s like the United Kingdom’s version of Lil’ Wayne because he was rhyming at rave parties since he was 15. Rave parties are filled with all kinds of mind tripping halluciegenic drugs so there’s even a chance that Dizzee Rascal tripped out on Special K and kissed a man on the mouth like Lil’ Wayne too.

TY – This dude is better than most in the game no matter what continent you’re living on. I saw this cat give a live ass performance in this little Brooklyn dive called 5 Spot. After his set we were all danced out and sweating. A lot of those granola boho Black broads fucks with him as well as white chicks from England. British broads might be the ugliest chicks on the planet along with the white chicks from Belarus. Dude tells real stories about Brixton poverty and the struggle to rise above it all without standing on your neighbor’s head to accomplish your goals. How futuristic is that? Americans lack that kind of courage for the most part. We would gladly sell drugs if it meant that we could go ballin’.

This is the part of the show where you humps listen to some one-off from the vault of my hard drive, but unlike noz I don’t have the code yet to upload any music or photos so you are just gonna have to take my word on this shit.

My next drop will swag jack Tara so expect some bleeding heart liberal feminism on why there is too much profanity in rap music today.

Bye bitches!

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