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The Ray J sex tape

Never let it be said that it doesn’t pay to some famous person’s little brother. In fact, it might even be better than actually being famous yourself. While your more famous sibling is out making all the money and/or killing people with their car, you get to stay at home and spend your considerable allowance on the finest pussy money can buy.

Case in point, my pr0n connect kris ex recently came through with a copy of the Ray J sex tape. You’ll recall that it was announced a few weeks ago that Brandy’s little brother had sold a Pam Anderson-style home video of himself and Kim Kardashian – daughter of the OJ Simpson attorney Robert Kardashian and, more importantly, bff of Paris Hilton – to the pr0n company Vivid, who would be releasing it on DVD.

Interestingly enough, the video is being billed more so as a Kim Kardashian sex tape than a Ray J one. And if you visit the Kim K Superstar site, there’s no mention at all that Ray J just so happens to be ’90s era R&B star Brandy’s younger brother. Hmm… Of course Kim Kardashian herself is taking a cue from her best friend forever and claiming to have had no idea about any of this, but to date it’s not like she’s sued or anything, and obviously it’s kinda too late now anyway.

Here’s the thing: watching Kim K Superstar, it’s pretty obvious the whole thing was staged, which is not to say that it’s so good that it couldn’t have been the work of a couple of amateurs. On the one hand, the production values (the lighting, camera and what have you) do seem a bit better than they would be if this really was just a shitty home video of two kids fucking. But the real issue with Kim K Superstar has to do with the quality of the acts presented therein.

To her credit Kim Kardashian is fucking smokin’. Her ethnic background is Armenian, not unlike the guys from System of a Down, which gives her a sort of swarthy, Mediterranean look. One thing you’ll notice is that, while her skin is kind of an odd yellow color, the actual tone of it is remarkably the same all over her body. In particular, her vagine – shaved except for a tiny landing strip – is roughly the same shade of yellow as her face, and damnit if it’s not one of the most incredible vagine’s I’ve seen in a pr0n evar.

She’s also got a pretty nice set of cans, though you’d hardly know from watching Kim K Superstar. In the beginning, she mentions something about how they’re real even though people always wonder if they’re fake, which I though might have been foreshadowing, but nope. She only pulls them out of her bikini top briefly, and even then it’s not at a very good angle. My guess is that she might be waiting for Playboy to offer her a million dollars or something before she gives anyone a good look at them.

The real problem with this video though is that for so much of it the camera is trained either on Ray J’s unit (nullus) or his ass bobbing up and down on top of hers (nullus again), as if anyone would want to see that. In general, you get the idea that Kim K Superstar is intended for women as much as it is men and, in general, people who don’t watch enough pr0n to know the difference between the real deal and Girls Gone Wild bullshit.

As such, I can only recommend Kim K Superstar for the sheer novelty of watching Brandy’s little brother pound Robert Kardashian’s daughter hard in the ass (which, admittedly, would have been ridonkulously high if this was 10 or 12 years ago).

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